HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THANK YOU 2011...

For all the times i had to go through the pain of losing someone i love.
For all the beautiful moments i cherished with my FAMILY and FRIENDS..
For new friendship,new perspectives,new horizon.
For the worse and painful feeling of loneliness..
For the amazing feeling of loving and being loved.
For all the new changes you brought in me.
For all the times i cried and became stronger.
For the feeling of being rejected and taken for granted..
For all the beautiful moments spent with HIM.
For the fact that he knew what he was doing to me but yet didnt wanna do anything about it.
For all the times i had to stop caring about myself and my feelings just to make sure he is happy.
For all the times i missed my loved ones who are far away from me.
THANK YOU 2011 for giving me a new meaning of life and for making me explore my inner strength and beauty..
you are certainly one of the years am not gonna forget..
NOW LETS JUST WAIT AND HOPE FOR A BRIGHT AND PEACEFUL AND HAPPY 2012 :)

Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope

At least for me, having an intense physical attraction to a guy does not happen that often. So when I find a guy that I am really attracted to, it is hard for me to break it off if it isn’t working. I offer him many chances to get it right because I know it will be really hard to find someone again that I feel that kind of attraction to. Also when you are familiar and comfortable with someone it is hard to let that go, even if they aren’t right for you. I know that someday I will find someone that I am attracted to AND also treats me right.

Sometimes in life, you find a special friend. Someone who changes your life just by being part of it. Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop. Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world. Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it. This is forever friendship. When you're down and the world seems dark and empty, your forever friend lifts you up in spirit and makes that dark and empty world suddenly seem bright and full. Your forever friend gets you through the hard times, the sad times and the confused times. If you turn and walk away, your forever friend follows. If you lose your way, your forever friend guides you and cheers you on. Your forever friend hold your hand and tells you that everything is going to be okay. And if you find such a friend, you feel happy and complete because you need not worry. You have a forever friend, and forever has no end.

HEART: mhl q tlga xa..

BRAIN: alm q, x0bra p nga db?

HEART: lm mu pla,bt plit mu p xang knkLmtn?
...
BRAIN: kc ayaw n ktang mxktan.

STOMACH: s s0bra m0ng pgm2hal,d kna kmkain.

EYES: pti aq npu2yat n..

LIVER: k0rek, pLgi k pNg uMi¡Nom, naAapek2han n kMe n kidNey.

LUNGS: aq dn nh2rPn ng huMinGa.

HEART:pXenxa n guYs ha...e2 tlga functi0n q e, aNg MAGMAHAL..

Thinking of you means "I miss you"
Holding your hand means "I like you"
Squeezing it means "I want to kiss you"
Putting my head on your shoulder means "Comfort me"
My hands on your waist means "Never let me go"
Biting my lip means "I'm jealous"
Staring into your eyes means "Do you love me?"
Winking means "I adore you"
Dreaming of you often means "You're someone special"
Being with you often means "I can't live without you"
And wearing your ring means "You're mine"

MARRIAGE.

That scary moment when you put a ring on your finger and can't get it off.

I don't know which is worse, keeping your love for someone a secret or telling them and risk being rejected.

Sabi ni “Peter Pan”

“when you think of happy thoughts you’ll fly.”

eh bakit pag iniisip kita.

I fall?

Makuha ka sa tingin. :)))

If you like someone, you don’t have to openly admit it.

Sometimes, it takes just one gaze to let that someone feel it.

Hindi pwedeng sakanya lang oras mo. May kaibigan siya, may pamilya siya. Kung tutuusin, umextra ka lang. 

#PapaJack

The 'I Love You' I have been waiting for.

Relationships that aren’t mutual are like ‘restricted’ love. You’re never free to just to love and enjoy it. You’re free to let your imagination and even your libido run wild, it’s just that it’s incredibly painful when you realize that you’ve far outpaced reality.You can be in love on your own but you actually can’t have a mutual relationship, one with love, care, trust, respect and shared values, on your own. Real, mutual love doesn’t have ‘buts’. You don’t need someone saying “I love you but…you know my situation” or “I love you but I can’t give you what you want” or even “I love you and we’ll always be friends but…” You want someone to say “I love you” – simplicity. After they say it, you continue about your life together, a life I might add that reflects that of two people who love each other mutually. You hug, you kiss, you make plans, those plans come to fruition but before you even make plans, you can even get on and enjoy the simple, normal things that make up the day to day.

Move on.

1 month passes - Cant eat, pain deep.

3 months pass - sleepless nights wondering what went wrong

6 months pass - Thinking if the other person has moved on

9 months pass - Crossing paths and realizing you are now the most familiar strangers

12 months pass - Life continues with nothing left but a trial of happy memories and a chapter completed

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!

That moment when you want to punch someone in the face.

Goodbye. :/

"never say goodbye. because goodbye means going away,
and going away means forgetting."
...
-peter pan.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

GOODBYES are my greatest fear. Goodbye is the most traumatic word I know. Goodbye is the number one thing I wish just only happens in nightmares and not in reality. Goodbye is something I never ever want to hear from you ........... 

I have this strange fear with goodbyes. Yeah, I know I wasn't the only person who's afraid of saying goodbye, all people actually do ... but then, this is one natural thing that I always try to think that I can alter. I mean, I know goodbyes are part of our lives because we all know that nothing's permanent, but then I still make myself believe that there could be ways to avoid it. 

Goodbyes are very painful. It holds something that you could never ever take back. When you say goodbye, you are about to change everything. When you say goodbye, you are literally telling that you are ready to forget and leave things behind, which I really hate. I want to restore everything, as much as possible. 

Girls have uncountable crushes, but only one guy remains in her heart.

I may have tons of crushes around, who I always share with you. But I know you know that deep inside my heart, it was only you who resides. There may be a lot more men whose better than you, more cute than you, but then, there is still no other who could be you. You are unique in my eyes, your name is the only thing my heart can recognize. I may seem be happier when I see those guys I like, but swear, there are no more happier moments than being with you even just for a while. 

I might hug other guys. I might laugh with other guys, but none of them will ever mean to me as much as you do..

KISS.

Right about now I need that kiss, a kiss that is passionate,slow ,little tongue,neat,holding each other,saying I Love You between our locked lips ,eyes close while thinking your future with them or try absorb that moment so you can replay it in your mind. I think Kissing is so much better than sex ;)

my favorite quote. :)))

A wise girl kisses but doesn't love,listens but doesn't believe,and leaves before she is left .

-Marilyn Monroe.

“There comes a point in your life when you realize who really matters, who never did, and who always will.”—Unknown

Naughty Things You Can Only Say On Thanksgiving.....

1. Talk about a huge breast!
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. It's Cool Whip time!
4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!
5. That's one terrific spread!
6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. Its a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10. Don't play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open & stuff it in.
12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up!

In life, you're going to meet new people you wish you never did and say goodbye to people you wish wouldn't go.

Pride.

That annoying feeling when you’re dying to talk to someone, but you refuse to text them first.

At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone or something, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It’s not like you’re giving up, and it’s not like you shouldn’t try. It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours would eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

“I have learned to care people too much, not because they are good…
but because I knew the pain of being ignored.”

Matter occupies space---and the space in my heart is already occupied by someone who really matters.

Dear Men:

 It's all in the kiss. Eight out of 10 women feel they KNOW the potential passion and success of a relationship from the first kiss. The secret to a great one: Start slowly, linger, lips, light tongue, and pay attention to HER... she'll make it clear when the timing is right for something more forceful. ;) (Extra points for cheek caresses, back-of-neck rubbing, hair strokes, and staying SLOW to start.)

SILENCE has a deep explanation in every situation.

it's either you truly don't care anymore

or pretending UNAFFECTED but deeply HURT.

HELL as explained by a chemistry student.

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington Chemistry mid-term:

The answer by one student was so ‘profound’ that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in

Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct……leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+

--uso na ngayon ang M.U.
.
.
--Mag-isang Umiibig--

…because even though right now they promise to be there for you, forever and always; they will break you.
They will fucking break you.
You won’t work right anymore.
Sixth months will have passed, and you won’t even know how to fucking breath without them. You’ll go numb. You’ll stop feeling anything, good or bad.
You’ll stop caring about work, school, friends and family.
Nothing will matter to you except sleep, which ironically you’ll stop getting decent amounts of.
If you base your happiness on another person, you will get screwed over.
Let me just repeat that for emphasis: you will get screwed over.
Truth is, people are dishonest sons of bitches. Hell, even I am. We all are. Yet we all continue going around, making promises that everyone knows we’ll never keep.
Why make the promises at all?
Why put on such a big show, only to hurt someone?
What’s the point of it all?
Love is painful. Then, for a few briefs moments of time, love is fearless. And then it goes right on back to being painful. Only, the post-fearless painful isn’t like the painful before, because now you’re being forced to turn love into a past tense. Now you’re expected to go back to how you were before you ever loved. And that’s impossible. Because once you have loved, and I mean truly loved someone, you are forever changed. Nothing will ever make you go back to how you were before…and nothing will ever really fill the gaping hole left in your chest by the absence of that person.
Nothing will ever be the same. Because people are mean. And they lie about loving someone. And they make someone happy, they promise them the world, and then they rip it all away and leave them broken.
Don’t base your happiness off someone else, or you’ll end up worse off than before.

The perfect girl to date. ♥

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.
Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.
Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

(sqrt(cos(x))*cos(200 x)+sqrt(abs(x))-0.7)*(4-x*x)^0.01, sqrt(9-x^2), -sqrt(9-x^2) from -4.5 to 4.5

WHAT HAS ANIME TAUGHT ME ??

That you have to stand up for what you believe in, even if you stand alone.

Don’t try and gain anything new without expecting to lose something first.

In death, we make room for new life.

Death is beautiful.

Love is truly, the only thing you can honestly fight for.

Lessons are painful.

Bravery is the ultimate weapon.

Every human life has potential.

No one knows you better than you.

The ones who truly love you, will never betray you.

The truth comes with a price.

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.

The strongest man is never the most courageous.

Everyone has a weakness.

You must earn trust from others, not be gifted it.

Everyone has a back story.

Your heart will always know what is right. Listen to it.

Revenge will only blacken your soul.

It is never acceptable to call someone short.

Things aren’t always what they seem

Protect the ones you love at all costs, it’s worth it

Never give up. It always gets better.

There isn’t always a knight for you, but you find love in the weirdest places.

Friends are forever, best friends will wait for you to chase them.

No love can hurt as much as the love that can never be and no thought can hurt as much as the thought of a love that could have been.

It's TEARS DAY today. T_____T

You told me that in texting, you'll miss the other person more. How about when there's no means of communication at all?

He chose me to be out of his life .. and it sucks.

You've made me feel happy like no one else could .. and then, after that day ... you told me to stop communicating with you. It's unfair, you know? I didn't had a single clue. Or, let's just say that you've showed all the hints, but I chose to ignore it. Ok, my fault. You win.

I don't know what I'm gonna do for the next days.

I mean, I've been used to talking with you, that it's all I want to do the whole day.
Now is the first day of change.

I don't really know how to get you out of my own schedule, when you really are the only one that is important in it.

My life is incomplete for the nth time around, but I swear I'll work this out as soon as possible.

I don't want to be left behind.

I don't want you to see me falling apart while you were enjoying your life without me in it anymore.

I want you to see that without you, I'll be strong.

But for now, excuse me for feeling this way. 

I hope you know me, that I'm not used to changes like this.

I could handle any change, except like this .. the change that I never thought would happen in reality and not just in my nightmares.

The sudden change of you getting me out of your life.

I'm TIRED. (T)icked off. (I)rritated. (R)eady to cry. (E)xtremely upset. (D)one.

You ... left me... just when I need you most.

The feeling when you are in the middle of a good story and realize no one is listening to you. :/

Yes, she's hurt. And her heart is the most abused part. It has taken so much beating, been broken a lot of times. Crushed, dumped, and disregarded. But still, she smiles.
Isn't she amazing?

Yes, you've proven me you're different .. like what you told me before. You may be like them by leaving me behind, but you have your own way, which makes you different from everybody else. You know how. Very simple. You bid the most painful goodbye ever. :/

I needed you. 

I need your arms around me.

I need you to hold me. 

I want to hear from you that someday, we'll be together.

 

This photo perfectly laid it all. 

In logic, our professor told us that a smile means happiness. But now, it's the other way around. Like everything else in this world, a smile had a lot of meaning behind it.

In the classroom I was seated at the back most part of the room. My classmate once told me that in the front rows, one time when I was asked by my professor about what my hobby is, someone whispered, "smiling". 

On one incident, another professor called my attention and actually scolded me in the class for one reason .. she caught me smiling while she was nagging all over. 

In our English class, we are asked to deliver a speech. My professor told me that I am good at it, the way I utter the words and my posture, aside from one thing ... my facial expression. Why? For one thing .. she told me that my eyes are always smiling, which is a good thing because it makes me look an approachable person but a bad side when I were about to deliver something serious. 

This is what makes me good at hiding my feelings. Smiling. It had been a very essential part of my life. I am a good liar. I could show anyone it doesn't hurt .. but really .. it's already killing me inside.

My dimples add up to the act. When people see those "assets" I have, they thought I'm happy with my life. So whenever they don't see me smiling early in the morning, that's when they thought I'm having a bad day, which is, not accurately true. I mean, it had been one of my best acting skills. I could smile in the rain and cry in a sunny day. 

I wish there would be someone who knew me. Who really, really knew me. Who knows that behind my biggest smile is the unforgiven hurt I have inside. I wish there would be someone who would notice the difference with my smile of happiness and smile of sadness. How I wish there's someone out there who would know that when I say I'm ok, I'm actually not. 

I don't really want to be noticed.

I just want to know that there's someone who really knew me.

Who knows and feels that I'm falling apart.

And someone who'll know I need comfort.

Someone who could give my need.

Someone who will never hesitate to do it.

I'm young and depressed. ..

You will never ever love me like the way I love you.

And even if I want you to, you will never ever will.

From the start I should have known that I will be the loser when I fall.

Actually, I knew it .. I've just took the risk.

First, because I know loving you would make me feel happier than ever, aside from the fact that it would also hurt me in the worst way ever.

Second, I didn't know I would fall for you in the first place, it just happened.

But if you'll ask me if I'll ever stop myself if I knew it beforehand, I wouldn't.

I'll still choose to be hurt.

Because you know what?

Loving you is the best thing I have done in my entire life. 

There's always a little pain behind every ''it's okay'', love behind ''i hate you'' & I need you behind every ''leave me alone''.

Depression.

People who think depression is a choice: take a second to think. How would it feel to wake up and not have the emotional strength to face people…to think that time is just passing by with no real reason…to feel so alone, even when you are sitting in a room full of people…to have to put on a face and hide your feelings because no one would care anyway…to lose friends because you can’t find the strength to go out and you can’t physically be ‘happy’…to cry yourself to sleep, hoping you won’t wake up, then when you do, you are exhausted from the night before, and it all starts again. You try to hide your feelings hoping no one will notice, and if you slip up, all you get called is attention-seeking and ‘emo’. Now, tell me why someone would choose that? Depression is an illness, not a choice.

Yes, of course. I don't care about you, Bro. Ernie. Hate me? I don't care!

We're living in a world with full of hypocrites...live your life the way you want and be happy regardless of what other people might say...they wont be living your life,only you know what makes you happy..forget those judgmental people around you and be happy...we pass this way of life only once,so choose to be happy instead of living in darkness and regrets....

-----------------------------------------------

You think that you are in love with him because you miss him. But no, you’re just stuck in a state of mind where you are lonely and wanting to be with someone who appreciates you.

At nakakaloka lang naman ang iyak ng newborn baby sa kapitbahay namin. :/ bitter nanaman ako . tsk. sana lumaki na yung baby na yun. haizt!

Preach. Preacher. Preaching.

So eto .. katatapos ko lang i-print yung assignment ni Sam pati yung sakin .. tungkol sa Preaching. Tae .. wala rin yung mahabang tulog ko kanina .. eto puyat ako pati ang PC ko. Haizt! Tetris Battle pa kasi. Ainako.

Hmm .. napansin ko lang .. nung busy ako ... ayun nakalimutan ko problema ko, may mga natutunan pa ko. Ganun lang pala no? Hahaha! Bigla ko ngang na-realize na ayoko ng mamroblema .. kasi nahihirapan lang ako at the same time .. parang lalo ko lang pinu-push away ang mga tao. Sana hindi pa late and desisyon kong wag ng ma-depress ... hai. Si Bro hindi nagreply. Galit kaya yun? Wag naman sana. Hainako talaga.

Gusto ko ng matulog ... at eto matutulog na nga. Hindi dahil inaantok ako kundi dahil .. gusto kong harapin ang bukas ng masaya. Ayoko ng ma-badtrip. Bahala na yung mga tao kung ano tingin nila sakin. Hay.

Pero teka .. may naalala ako. May kwento nga pala ako. Kanina .. diba nga preaching ang assignment ko .. naalala ko nung high school ako .. ay, elementary muna ..syempre nagmula ako sa isang Catholic school na pinamumunuan ng mga madre. So, pini-persuade ako ng mga nuns dun na magmadre na rin .. which is, hindi ko naman ni-reject pero hindi ko rin naman masyadong kinonsider. Sa landi ko nung elementary, tingin mo ba maiisip ko pang mag-madre?! hahaha! 

Tapos nung high school ako .. bali . .. pagka-2nd year ko, naimpluwensyahan ako ng aking mahal na adviser. Nawili akong magbasa ng mga inspirational books lalo na yung tungkol kay Lord. At isa pa sa nahawa ako .. yung tipong pagpi-preach niya. Si Sir kasi noon, simpleng preacher e. Tawag nga namin sa kanya minsan, "pari" kasi mahilig siyang mag "homily" sa homeroom namin. Puro tungkol kay Lord at application sa buhay na mala-philisophy ang approach. So ayun nga, na-adapt ko yun. Pagka-3rd year ko, naging president ako ng klase .. at tuwing homeroom, dahil wala ang aming adviser (busy sa ibang section) .. ako ang nagsasalita sa gitna .. at nagpi-preach. Like, I'd pick a verse tapos ididiscuss sa class. Hilig kong magshare ng experiences and nababasa ko noon. Sabi nga nila, anak nga daw ako ni Sir kasi pareho kami. Nung naging student assistant ako, ginawa ko rin ito. :)) 

Fourth year, hindi na ako masyadong nagsasalita sa gitna .. pero nung nagkaroon ako ng pagkakataong magsalita ginawa ko naman. Pero mahilig naman akong magshare sa mga kaibigan ko .. kaya marami din akong naging kaibigan noon kasi kahit sino kinakausap ko .. may tumawag pa nga sakin na "guidance counselor" e. 

Nung nalipat ako sa Muntinlupa, ayun nga, nag-decline ang spiritual life ko. Pero pagka-2nd sem parang bumalik yung interest ko .. dahil sa mga kasama ko na member ng Youth for Christ at Singles for Christ. So ayun .... nag-pray ako for "spiritual restoration" ... at bilang tugon ni Lord, ako ay nailipat sa ... CDW. At eto ... sa kasalukuyan .. ako ay nagte-take ng AB EVANGELIZATION .. at pinag-aaralan ko ngayon ay tungkol sa preaching. Ako rin ay exposed ngayon sa mga preachers... at ako rin, bilang mag-aaral doon at bilang Katoliko ay ineexpect na mag-preach.

Nakakaloka lang isipin .. hindi ko akalain na dito ako babagsak. Parang pwede na ring sabihin na yung mga ginagawa ko noon. foreshadowing ng mangyayari ngayon. Kaya tuloy feeling ko, destined talaga akong maging preacher. I mean, not literally preacher (kasi panlalaki daw yun) .. pero kung may pagkakataon,gusto ko yun. Gusto kong patunayan na hindi lang panlalaki ang preaching. Well, sa totoo lang, di naman ako choosy sa course ko ngayon .. kuntento ako. Yun nga lang, feeling ko minsan di ako pwede sa course na to kasi ... masama ako. Well, preaching is for conversion nga e. Tsaka tingin ko talaga ito ang tugon ni Lord sa prayer ko noon... na prayer ko pa rin ngayon.

So .. do I deserve to be one? Hindi naman ba pangit? Hindi naman siguro. I do this for the glory of God. I do this as way of thanking Him for His goodness. :)))

Super blessed ako ngayong gabi. Naging masalimuot man ang buong araw ko .. at least, I'll end up and begin happy. :))) Thanks be to God! Good night people! :))))

You left me just when I needed you most ... T_T

Wala rin yung 4 hours na tulog ko kanina .... haizt.

I keep my self busy with the things i do, but every time i pause I still think of you.

Walang reply. OK. :/

it's lonely in the modern world~

like, you don't notice I exist until I leave you ..

Nobody notices what I do until I don't do it.

... of myself.

So I am INDIFFERENT. I hate myself so much.

Don’t be cold to someone you care about, 'coz indifference hurts more than angry words...

Just say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t expect someone to read your mind, and don’t play games with heads or hearts.

Never trust a person that say "don't tell her I told you" because whatever you tell her, she is gonna tell the next person & say the same thing.

I wish I was important to you .. .. Kahit sayo na lang .. magiging masaya na ko. Kahit ayaw sakin ng iba .. basta ikaw mananatili ka .. ok na ko.

I'm sorry .. I wasn't good enough. T_T

>I don't want to eat.

>I don't want to sleep.

>I don't want to talk with anybody.

>I don't want to do anything.

>I don't want to see anything.

>I don't want to be with anyone.

>I don't want to study.

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>I just want to die right now.

Really???? I hope so.

I hope I can.

But no one's here. :/

People sometimes just need someone to tell them everything would be ok. You don't really have to ask them what's going on ... it helps but there is more important than that .. and that is motivation. I wonder why people have always been so distant when you needed them most. I mean, you're struggling something and one by one, they are all leaving you behind. It seems like they are too afraid to you, when all you really want is their presence. That's what I've experienced today. I'm near to quitting again .. but then, I remembered I promised suicide would be last in my list .. but honestly, I am halfway through it. 

I feel so alone. I need someone to talk to. Maybe not about my problem itself, just someone whom I know would be there. I am really poor in friends. They say I have a lot, but where are they now? At school early this morning, a lot of people are ensuring a certain distance from me. No one dared to talk. I'm really that scary?

Yes, I know I am a bad person .. someone you'd never want to encounter in your lifetime. But they say not everyone around would hate you .. there are these true people who believes in you and cares for you. In my case, where are they? Why is it that when someone hates me, everyone does? Am I that worst, that the hatred against me spreads like fire? 

Oh well .. as I always say, move on. But you know me .. I just put it in words .. but I never really moved on about anything. I hate myself for it. I suffer because of myself .. no one is worthy of the blame but me.

Sometimes we're friends, sometimes we're more than friends and sometimes I'm just a stranger to you.

Itutulog ko na lang ang lahat. Sana paggising ko mamaya .. ok na. Limot ko na. Yung parang walang nangyari. Sana .. kayanin ko.

Wag mong hayaang makita ka niyang nahihirapan. .. kasi mas masasaktan ka lang pag nakita mong wala siyang pakialam. ..

Please lang. Wag ka ng umarte pa na may pakialam. Kasi kung meron, hindi mo ko dededmahin nung mismong araw na feeling ko ang option ko na lang ay ang sumuko. Kasi kung may pakialam ka talaga, hindi mo hahayaang umiiyak ako ngayon. Alam kong hindi ako mahalaga sayo .. kaya nga e .. antanga ko talaga. Alam ko naman, pero umaasa pa rin ako na magpakita ka ng kahit na kaunting atensyon man lamang. Yun na lang ang hinihingi ko e. .. di mo pa maibigay. Akala ko ba kaibigan kita? Umuulan ngayon .. nasan ka? Sabi mo di ako mag iisa sa mga panahong tulad nito. Nasan ka? Tulad ka rin nila. Pare-pareho kayo. Tulad ka ng lahat .. iiwan ako pag may problema na. Ang galing niyo. Magsama- sama kayo. Alam kong kasalanan ko kung bakit ganito ang nangyayari sakin ngayon .. pero sana naman .. presensya mo lang .. kailangan ko lang ng kausap.. di mo pa kayang ibigay??

Please be careful with your words .. it might trigger me to forget about you one day. :/

No. When I think of you, I feel so alone. Know why? Because I know the moment I am thinking about you, you were happy with someone else .. and it kills me inside and out.

I don't think I mean anything to you.

I really thought he loves me. 

His actions, his words, his cares .. it all tells me that I mean something to him and most especially, he had feelings for me. 

But one night, when we saw each other and talked, that's when I realized the truth ... that he's not in love with me. That I am something he uses for a pastime (which he openly admit). I am someone he wants to talk with when no one's around. I am someone he doesn't really care about (which is strongly affirmed by his actions lately, just when I needed him most).

It's ok. I mean, I don't really care if he loves me the way I do or not. The big deal is that, he's not even a friend to me. He doesn't understand me. He doesn't care about what I feel. He never ask me what's wrong in a sincere way .. it always seems like it's his duty to do that as a friend, but he doesn't really give a damn about it. He's just there when I'm happy. He always misunderstood my words, not like how I try to always understand his. I should always affirm to all that he wants, which makes things worst on my part. 

Whenever I think about it, it hurts me. I feel tired as well. I don't know how long I could take this. There are times I really want to give up (just like now) .. I mean, sometimes, I think about telling him to stay out of my life .. but I know myself .. I know ... I know I can't bear the pain when he's gone. I'll just wait for that moment when he voluntarily quits. Tell me I'm stupid, but I pray it won't happen. I am tired, but I want to try my best not to, just to make him stay in my life forever. That's how I loved him. I love him so much, more than myself, but not more than God, of course. 

I wish I'd meet someone who'd love me more than what I can give. Not necessarily an opposite sex, but someone .. who could be a true friend to me. Who would try to understand me no matter what. Who will always listen up on my cares. Who will not scold me up when I am already feeling bad. Who will stand with me in the stormy days of my life. I want a friend. A true friend who'll love me. A friend who'll not just dedicate songs to me, but will act according to the words they had promised.

Bitter :/

There are two things that I have always been bitter... 

ayoko na.

ayoko na.

ayoko na.

ayoko na talaga.

They made her perfectly. :/

Tetris battle made me feel better. .. such a nice stress reducer. :) 

I hope and I pray that tomorrow would be a wonderful day. ...

Good night! :))

Those people who don’t try to understand you well are those who don’t deserve to be your friend.

I wonder if I've met the person I'm going to end up marrying.

SUCKS.

That feeling when you talk to someone you know you can never be with.

He came at night, exposed my body, got on top of me, touched me, he bit, sucked, swallowed, and when he was satisfied, he left
I was hurt . . .
bloody . . .
STUPID MOSQUITO! XD

One of the best lessons I've learned this year.

Don't expect things to happen. It's better to be surprised than to be disappointed.

It's hard to forget people who left you a lot of songs to remember, right? Well, those people are worth the cherish .. but most of them are bound to leave. Yeah, it hurts but .. it's true. And when you hear those songs you've shared before .. you'll just see yourself reminiscing everything and trying to stop every tear that would fall in you cheek.

Always,

change the date to Nov. 30th.

I remembered the first semester from first year until the first semester in second year. 

Friday is my last tiresome day. 

Saturday is supposed to be my rest day. 

Sunday has been the most stressful day. 

Monday is they day I fear most. 

Tuesday sucks.

Wednesday lowers the tension.

Thursday is the most awaited day. 

Now, it's different. My schedules are a lot more lighter .. and the subjects too. I love it this way. :))

I'm always like this. hahaha!

So True.

Things are possible in dreams.

Try to look beyond what your eyes can see.

Lately, I have been fantasizing about my death. I imagine throwing myself off a high place. I dream of seeing a lot of blood flow out of my veins. I think of swallowing every sleeping pill I have until I won't wake up anymore. Sometimes I see myself doing it at school, sometimes at home. But I more like it to do at school. I want every people there to realize that I've done such thing because of them. No, it's not that i really blame them about everything. I more like blame myself .. that's why I will end up quitting that way. I just want them to see what they want to see. They want me gone, I want myself gone too. 

Each day, I am close to doing it... but when I remember the Lord, I end up throwing the idea out of my head. I wonder if I killed myself, I would still have the privilege to enter heaven. They say I wouldn't. Killing myself is a huge sin. When I think about of taking my life, I fear that I will end up experiencing an everlasting pain in hell. I don't want that. I want to quit because I can't take the pains anymore .. but if I'll undergo more pain after it, it's better to stay here and just do things that would earn me the happiness I have long been wishing for. I'll just have to wait, and while waiting, I'll have to do good things and serve the Lord. That's what I have to do. I should not take something that isn't mine in the first place, which is, my life. 

This motivates me to choose to live. I don't know how far it would go, but I swear .. I would take suicide in the last lists of my options. I will not quit. I will not say never, but I'll try my very best not to.