I give up. These past few days, you've been in my mind. Random things make me remember you ... and not just that ... but they force me to think about you.

So ... I come to think of our future. What if we meet again? What if you tell me it's time for 'us' again? What if we really are meant?

First and foremost, meeting you isn't an impossible thought. We're on the same organization and I'll probably be working with you after I finish my studies. So I'm thinking what would I do. Of course, because you're not here face-to-face with me, all I have in mind is to do good to you when I see you. Like, I would give you my best smile that you will never ever deserve. Well, I've been practicing now .. to control myself when it comes to my emotions. I have to learn to bite my tongue and stop my fast growing temper. I know, when the perfect time comes that our paths will meet again, I will be good to you. That is a promise. No nagging, no tears, no hard feelings. 

Second, I remember the last time you said you'd look for me when you're "free", and you pleaded I should not hide from you. We were crying a lot that time and I can feel all the love that I have for you, which until now .. I know still lies on each vein in my body. You told me, there will be a time for "us" again. I've thought about it for three days now, after all those silly stuff that keeps your name popping out of my head. And you know what? Today, just as I was on my way home, I end up to a decision ... that ... I will not engage with you anymore. Though I know you would never come back, there's still a 10/90 possibility that you'd tell me you still love me, and that we could continue our wrecked love affair because  you're already free. There are a lot more reasons for me to concede, but then I prefer those reasons that will make me hold on to the decision I've come up with. 

 I WILL NEVER EVER LET YOU HURT ME AGAIN.

Our past is enough. Though I still love you (and I know I'll forever will), I will not take the risk of being yours again. Yes, I'm weak. I know that. But you are not worth fighting for, and that's what you let me see in our past relationship. All those hurtful words and actions are enough to make me ... love myself more. And I know I will never regret my decision, like I never regret what we had before ... it was such a good memory that will forever be in my heart.

Last but not least, I'm not that stupid anymore to still hope that we are meant for each other. I don't believe in destiny or fate. Everything is working because of God's will, and more of, your own personal decision. It was my decision to love you, to make you feel I love you, to do forget myself because I love you. I chose to be hurt, and now, I choose to be free... from you. 

I know, you'll never love me like you used to. 

Thanks anyway.

Don't worry, I won't expect that you love me still and will love me forever. 

I know you know this ... :(

The best thing to do.

THE BLUE LAGOON. 

His favorite movie. 

~why do such things keep taunting me ...

With people, yes. It's vague though, 'coz you'll eventually realize that you can't even see it in words. 

But with God, it's totally different.

His promises are everywhere ....

I can see it in words through the Bible...

And I can actually feel its fulfillment in my life...

So the only promise that we must always have to hold on to is HIS.

No one and nothing else in this world can promise us anything and do it ... only HIM.

The Almighty. The Most Holy.

GOD.

~had a very blessed day. life isn't fair, but God is good! :)