My Bucketlist. :) [will be open for updates]

1. Fall in love.

2. Visit Disneyland.

3. Have my own home in Europe.

4. Kiss a girl (again. hahaha!).

5. Travel the world and set foot on all 7 continents.

6. Kiss in the rain (I want to do this again, and again).

7. Marry the love of my life.

8. Sleep under the star with the love of my life.

9. Kiss underwater (again. LOL)

10. Win the lottery (who the hell wouldn't want to?hahaha!)

11. Fall asleep in HIS arms.

12. Ride the bus sitting next to HIM.

13. Donate blood.

14. Write a book.

15. Have a healthy pregnancy.

16. Solve a rubik's cube.

17. Swim with dolphins.

18. Attend a gay wedding.

19. Meet Taylor Swift and Rhian Ramos at the same time. hahaha!

20. Graduate College without losing my virginity.

21. Be happy.

22. Learn how to play piano, guitar and violin.

23. Kiss the love of my life on new year.

24. Be a bridesmaid.

25. Learn fluent sign language.

26. Save a life, save a soul.

27. Learn French, Italian, Nihonggo, Mandarin.

28. Become a billionaire.

29. Have children. Have twins.

30. Have my dream body and dream face (a face with no pimples or dirty thing on it.)

31. Find a best friend.

32. Learn how to drive.

33. Celebrate my 100th birthday with the love of my life.

34. Tell him how I feel.

35. Kiss at the top of a Ferris wheel.

36. See snow.

37. Attend a concert of Air Supply.

38. Kiss my ex one more time. LOL

39. Live in my dream house with my father, mother and siblings.

40. Time travel.

41. Visit outer space.

42. Watch baby turtles hatch.

43. Have my parents there the day I get married.

44. Overcome self harm.

45. Kiss in the snow.

46. Hug Mickey Mouse.

47. Watch the sunset with him.

48. Grow old with someone I love.

49. Dance with my kids in the rain.

50. Buy my parents a new house.

51. Win in a chess game.

52. Conquer my fears.

53. Feel beautiful.

54. Hug a penguin (a real one).

55. Become a bagger.

56. Do everything on my bucket list.

57. Have a baby fall asleep in my arms.

58. Attach a lock to a love bridge.

59. Find the end of a rainbow.

60. Die with no regrets.

61. Bake a cake.

62. Have my own personal library in my house.

63. Have a romantic night picnic.

64. Open my own business.

65. Direct a film.

66. Go on a road trip with friends.

67. Become a librarian.

68. Cover my bedroom walls with pictures.

69. Have a perfect Valentine’s Day with someone I love.

70. Spend the day in an igloo.

71. Have my father walk me down the aisle.

72. Be kissed unexpectedly.

73. Kiss someone in a library.

11.11.11

I have no special memories with November 11, but with the number '11' itself, I have. Whenever I see this number, I remember one person - YEN.

The memorable dates:

August 11, 2006 ... the day we first met.

August 11, 2007 ... the day it all started.

August 4, 2008 ... the 'ruined day'

August 11, 2007 ... my first struggle (LOL)

Well, I would want to try not to sound too funny about this thing, I want to be serious but ... it's just funny to remember stuffs like this. I mean, it's been years .. and still ... I haven't moved on about everything. I might be the most stupid person, but yeah .. I can't forget every single detail about us. 

I have three special songs for him after we broke up, and I've remembered those just now. 

LEAVING YESTERDAY BEHIND

Since you left me, I never really tried
To put my life to where it should belong
And I've always let the past gone by
I'm realizing that it could be wrong

But now I fin'lly knew
I had to let it go
To make way for a brighter tomorrow

So now I'm leavin' yesterday behind
And fin'lly I've made up my mind
So let the mem'ries stay away
And think about today
I'm leavin' yesterday behind
'Cause now I'll try to live my life once more
 The way I did before

Since I know that I never will forget
The memories that made my yesterday
I will try not to let it interfere
The choices I will make along the way

'Cause I'm not livin' in a world of fantasy
I'm here now in the world of reality

So now I'm leavin' yesterday behind
And fin'lly I've made up my mind
So let the mem'ries stay away
And think about today
I'm leavin' yesterday behind
'Cause now I'll try to live my life once more
Just the way I did before

PAIN IN MY HEART

Here I am alone in this empty room,
And let my mind just fly you to the end.
Thoughts of you still linger in my memory
Wondering why my life is not that fair.

I could still recall, those memories of you,
The joy and all your laughter,
The love that we've been through.
Oh I can't believe, you're gone...

I don't want to remember,
The things we used to do,
All the things that remind me of you.
I don't want to hear those songs,
Those songs we used to sing,
'Cause I don't wanna feel the pain in my heart
Talkin' to my self, for reasons I can't find.
Findin' out why everything went wrong.
Tears fallin' down on my cheeks,
That I've been tryin' to hold.
I just dunno if I could still go on.

I wanted you to stay,
The tears began to show,
You said you care for me,
But then you have to go
And now I know, you're gone.

I just can't believe, you're gone...

EACH PASSING NIGHT

Each passing night
I try and close my eyes
But thoughts of you
They wake me up
And tear me inside out

Each passing night
I ask myself who's right
And try to find the reasons why
It had to end that night

Didn't we share each other's dreams
We held each other tight
And tears fell from my eyes
As you walked and left me here
Like the wind you passed me by
I try but I can't see
If it's something that I said
Baby please won't you tell me now
'Cause it gets harder each passing night

I often pray
That you'd come back and stay
We've had too much together
To ever live a part
I'll wait and see
'Cause I know and I believe
Someday you'll come to realize
What you and I can be

Then we'll share each other's dreams
We'll held each other tight
Kiss the tears that burn my eyes
'Cause you walked and left me here
Like the wind you passed me by
I try but I can't see
If it's something that I said
Baby, please won't you tell me now
'Cause it gets harder each passing night

I never meant to hurt your heart this way
Sooner or later
There'd be someone else who'd stay

Thinking about how I used to be foolish makes me laugh at myself. And the funnier thing was, still I am the same girl right now who's madly, deeply, crazily in love with him. It sucks. I just hate myself for loving him this much. But I am thankful, for I have been realizing lately what reality has been revealing to me for too long. And yes, I promise, I would open my eyes so wide soon. It's just that I am so afraid to face what's real, that he's gone and he's never ever gonna be mine. Now, I am slowly seeing things as they really are, and I am trying to help myself recover from being blind. I have to accept everything, that's what I should do. 

But for now, excuse me for not letting go of my past. It's not that easy, but I promise I would very soon. :)

I need someone who is prepared for:

-my million questions
-my uncontrollable laughter
-my family
-my appetite
-musical outburst
-random dancing
-my friends
-sad/happy tears
-deep talks
-my imagination
- my dreams
-walks in the rain
-random texts
-useless arguements
-and...acceptance of the REAL me.

everything that's real or genuine is hard to find...

-real friends

-real love

-real people

-real treasure

-real happiness

-REALationships. :)))

We're SISTERS/BROTHERS in CHRIST right?!

Blood is thicker than water .. but SPIRIT is thicker than both. ♥