I'm finally ok. After crying for a couple of hours, I've now recovered. I just wish that the moment I turn off my computer, I won't think about it anymore. Silence without anything that could steal my mind kills me. It flashes all the things that happened, and may also show a sneak peek of what might happen after. Right now, I fear tomorrow. I don't know how would I deal with anything I would see, hear and feel. I just pray that when I woke up, everything will be ok. I don't want to be hurt anymore. I want to start my day refreshed, without worries. But of course, what do I expect? Even if I try to run away from it, I'll end up meeting pain at the middle of the line. Well, that's life. I still believe that after crossing the hump, I will surely be at the long, straight way again where at the end of it, I'll be meeting the happiness I've long been searching for. 

          I really pray that tomorrow will be ok. If I could only forget this day, I will.

Good things will happen if you have faith and believe with all your heart. It may take time but it will happen.

--------------------

Is praying about having you someday a good thing? I guess, even if I have enough faith and have believed with all my heart, it will never ever happen. Yes, they say that all things are possible, but I still believe with exceptions. I know God would tell me that there is a better one prepared for me, but I still want you. It's only you. Is it too much if I ask you to be mine?

You know what, she's fortunate. She'd already experienced more than the feeling of winning the lottery. Having you is all I ever wanted, and she had it already. She had my life. That's how lucky she is. 

 She's perfectly matched with you. You get along so well, you look good together. Most of all, she's the one that you need. She could provide your demands. She takes care of you more than anyone else could. She had offered her life to you, which makes you really blessed. A person like me could never replace her. Her goodness and unconditional love for you makes her different and above everyone else. 

So, even if I want to, I can't say I must be the one for you. Oh well, at the end, my condition right now is all my fault. I have allowed myself to fall for you, even though I know I could have stopped myself in the first place. I'm hurt, not because of you, it's because of me.

I have permitted myself to be drowned even if I know how to swim... it's because deep in my heart, I was hoping that you'll rescue me. Yes, you did actually. You jumped in the water, grabbed my hand and waist and lifted me up. But it's not you who have given me the CPR, it's not your breath that would bring back my life. I'll just have to wait for that one guy who would come swiftly to lock his mouth unto mine, and tell me that I don't deserve all the hurt that I'm feelin' right now.