I'm hurt. You caused it. Die for it.

He said HE LOVES ME
I BELIEVED

He said HE MISSED ME
I FELT THE SAME WAY

He said HE DID IT FOR ME
I FELT HAPPY

He said IT'S ONLY ME
I ACCEPTED IT AS TRUE

-------------------------

He LIED ON MY FACE
I CRIED INSIDE

He said HE WON'T HURT ME
I WANT TO BELIEVE

He said HE LOVES ME
PLEASE HELP ME FIND THE COURAGE AND STRENGTH TO BELIEVE AGAIN.



It hurts to know and find for yourself that he lies. I knew it already but then, I always choose to believe, because I love him. My love for him had been the only reason that haven't vanished even though he had hurt me a lot of times. 

But then, I have just realized that loving him doesn't mean loving myself back. I am hurt. He knew it. He doesn't admit it. I am in pain. He caused it. He denies it. He constantly tell me it was I who chose to be hurt. I want to be free from this torment. 

I can't cry anymore. I can't shed a tear for someone who doesn't care about my hurt feelings, but is deeply worried about 'her' pains. Now, how could I believe that he truly loves me? I'm used. I want to die now. I don't know until when I could bare this feeling. It kills me inside. 

I don't have the right but I'm hurt. I didn't choose to feel this. I don't even want it. I want to sleep and never wake up again. For if I would open my eyes again, what more could I see? How much pain is readily waiting for me? What lies could he tell me? 

 


 

Indeed.

It's been a long time since I last visited my blog. Wow, I really missed posting here! It had been one of my daily chores when I wasn't very busy. Posting had been my special friend. This blog accepts anything that I want to say.

I am such a bad friend. I just remembered this blog because I am not feeling well inside. I'm sorry for that, but I promise to try to visit as much as I can.

These past months, I am very busy ... busy about things that aren't significant at all. Things that I thought would make me really happy. Indeed it had made my days, but at the end of everything, I still feel the hurt inside. I am not complete. I lack the thing that I have. That's the worst feeling. :/

I am really here to tell and shout out what I am feeling right now. I'm hurt. I feel dumped. I feel hopeless. I feel desperate. I feel bad about what I have done and what I have said. It really didn't made me happy. But what's the reason behind all the mean things I have done? I just want to know if I'm really loved by the person I love. I know it wasn't a good thing, and believe me, I never wished to do that. But the pain eats me up too much, I can't handle it anymore. I'm hurt, that's why I'm doing this. I hate to see him telling lies in my face, I hate to know that he loves her more because for heaven's sake, she's the one he truly loves in the first place. I hate to be hurt. I don't deserve all this sh*t. 

I'm currently expecting the worst thing that could happen. Thank God if it won't, but if it is what would really take place, I would accept it. I am ready to face the greater pain that I might feel. :[

Ah, this is non sense!

so wrong for allowing you to hurt me. :/