It's been a long time. I really, really want to post a lot of things but then I have limited time and energy to do so. Anyway I'm glad I've managed to open this blog tonight and post something. 

So ... I've seen this photo just now from Facebook and then I realized that it perfectly speaks about what I am feeling earlier, so I was motivated to post this while waiting for my downloads to complete. I had been in front of my computer for like 5 hours now, and I'm busy downloading stuff for this netbook of mine. While I was waiting, for the windows update to stop checking for updates, well, I wasn't allowed to browse any other part except for that, so I was left in silence and total peace as I waited. Then suddenly, thoughts about my past, specifically those I've already celebrated for being forgotten popped up in my mind. Funny thing is, it hurt me. Yeah, I mean this is embarrassing I know, but it really did hurt me. So just to avoid getting into it more, I've forced myself to stop the checking of updates and just keep myself busy with some other things. I even browsed nonsense sites just to keep my head from thinking about such things and the like. So what's the point here. Read again what's written in the photo. Not because I haven't moved on yet or whatever, but it's more of all this time, I have been fooling myself. I have been running away from those things by keeping myself busy with some other more sensible stuff but in fact, they are all just stored in the subconscious part of  my cognition and then it will be powered up when I am idle. This sucks, but I have no choice. I don't want and I don't have to live each day mourning for that whole year. My grief doesn't change anything in the past, and it would surely not help in my future. I know for fact that this mind of mine, though I may tend to forget a lot of things quickly but those that have affected me emotionally will forever mark in my head, which is not cool. The only escape I know is to keep them all away from my head by thinking about many other things. But of course it doesn't kill the memories. It's there. And when I allow it, it will be easy to dig all those again than it is to bury them in the deepest, most secret place in my brain. I know this is somewhat pathetic but this is true, and I hate myself for it. 

*Sorry for the extra large size of the photo. I just really want to emphasis it. :D