My aunt (other aunt aside from the one I have mentioned earlier with the lesbian, in case you are confused) has been dead for 6 days now. People like my other aunts, brother, sister, sister-in-law, grandmother, father and mother would ask me if I don't ever feel fear whenever I'm alone in our house, lights off. This is the only answer I have for them:

Since I began reading the Bible and hearing God's words, well, I would say that fear of being alone in darkness has already left me. I would just pray that someday, my fear of feeling alone and having the darkness inside would leave me soon.

That's how stupid people are .. and that's how powerful love is. When love strikes, you could do nothing about it. You can't stop yourself. Even if it's hurting you, you still continue. It's as if you have found some kind of pleasure in pain. It's like admitting that foolishness is ok. We cannot blame our friends whenever we hear these words from them .. because we too have experienced it. We too have been once insane. We too have been once crazily in love with this someone who constantly hurt us, yet it's as if the pain just adds up to the love you felt for them. It's unfair right? But what can we do? LOVE IS DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL TO PAIN.

I like to post the photos I have downloaded but ... I don't feel like into those things now. Not that I feel lazy .. it's just that those photos are more on sad emotions .. and it doesn't synchronize with what I feel right now. Though I may say I am not that happy right now .. I just feel at peace .. I just have no time thinking about lonely and hurtful things right now.

Steamy! :)

My aunt, together with my brother and her ... a .. lesbian 'friend' went here to take a bath. Now, she's currently doing so ... with her lesbian friend. I was like, "OMG". Whatda. I mean, yeah .. they're both biologically made female but .. the fact that the 'other' was a lesbian ... that's a bit different. sHE may also have the body parts my aunt has .. but his mind works like a man .. and that's ... well .. that's good. They just had a one steamy bath together. :)))) I wish I could have it also .. but not with a lesbian. :D

Understand that there is no benefit in holding on to heartache, regret, and hatred toward another person. Realize that although it is over, your relationship with that person was unique and special in a lot of ways. You can congratulate yourself for being brave enough to take a risk and fall in love, and encourage your heart that even though love didn't work out this time, there will be a next time.

LOVE is DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL to PAIN.

Bakit nga kaya no? Sabi nila .. (pasensya na di ko alam .. hahaha! chos!) pag-ibig ang pinakamasarap maranasan sa mundo. Pag di ka nakaranas nito ... ikaw na ang pinakamalas na tao sa mundo. Hahahaha! Pero imposible naman yun .. kasi lahat naman ng tao nagmamahal diba.

Maganda magmahal, pero masarap ang mahalin. Pero mas masarap di hamak ang magmahal para sakin. Ewan ko ba. Parang may anong pleasure na pakiramdam pag nagmamahal ka .. diba? diba? diba? Pero ang nakakatawa dun, ansakit magmahal. Sobra. Iyon din naman ang pinakamasakit na naramdaman ko. Talo mo pa naaksidente e. Puso lang nawasak sayo .. pero buong katawan at sistema mo nagretiro. Alam mo yun?! Hai ..... 

Bakit kaya ganun? Kakambal ng pagmamahal ang masaktan? Di ba pwedeng maghiwalay na lang sila? Akala ko ba .. hindi mali ang magmahal ..pero bakit nasasaktan ka pa rin? Bakit?? Hay ...

Kagabi naisip ko .... kung talagang nadadaya ang emosyon ... ibig sabihin tayo ay dapat lamang na magmahal ng isang tao (tinutukoy ko opposite sex ha, out na muna family and friends). Ibig sabihin kung sino lang ang nakalaan sayo, yun lang. Ibig sabihin ba nun mali na minahal ko yung una kong minahal kaysa kanya? Dinaya ba ako at ang emosyon ko??? 

Parang anlabo nanaman. Sa tingin ko talaga walang maling pag-ibig. Ang pag-ibig ay hindi kailan man mali. Pero paano ang mga taong sabi nila mahal nila pero taken na ng iba o bawal na pag-ibig meron sila. Tingin ko nagmamahal pa rin sila .. hindi iyon mali. Ang mali lang e yung taong minahal nila at yung sitwasyon na naroroon sila. Pero kahit kailan di sila nagkamali sa naramadaman nila .. na nagmahal sila.

Hay, naguluhan nanaman ako. Nakakainis. Ang hirap. Bakit ba napakakumplikado ng 'love'?! Ang iksi-iksi pero ang hirap hirap intindihin. Nakakainis......

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Mali ba na minahal ko siya? Eh hindi ko naman piniling maramdaman yun e. Kusang nangyari yun, at kung ako ang tatanungin .. ayoko. Ayoko talaga. Kung masasaktan lang ako ng ganito ayoko talaga. Pero ayun na e. Minahal ko na. Masaya ako na mahal ko siya. Nasasaktan ako kasi mahal ko siya. Hay ... Nadaya ba ako? Oo, mukhang nadaya ang emosyon ko. Nabiktima ako. Bakit ganon? Bakit kailangan ako parusahan ng ganito?? Bakit ???!!!!!!

Ako na talaga. Ako na talaga. Ako na dakilang tanga. Bakit ba ang galing ko pagdating sa katangahan????!!! I hate myself so much!!!!!!

Nagbasa ng 99 facts about girls with a friend....

Ako : ang korni.

Friend: bitter ka lang.

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Oo nga .. bitter lang ako. kagabi pa ko bitter. hainako.