It's only you, and would only be you .. GA.

Comparisons are easily done

Once you've had a taste of perfection

Like an apple hanging from a tree

I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed

You said move on, where do I go?

I guess second best is all I will know

'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you

(Thinking of you, thinking of you)

Thinking of you, what you would do

If you were the one who was spending the night

(Spending the night, spending the night)

Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes

You're like an Indian Summer in the middle of winter

Like a hard candy with a surprise center

How do I get better once I've had the best?

You said there's tons of fish in the water, so the waters I will test

He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth, oh!

(Taste your mouth)

He pulled me in, I was disgusted with myself

'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you

(Thinking of you, thinking of you)

Thinking of you, what you would do

If you were the one who was spending the night

(Spending the night, spending the night)

Oh, I wish that I was looking into

You're the best, and yes, I do regret

How I could let myself let you go

Now, now the lesson's learned

I touched it, I was burned

Oh, I think you should know!

'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you

(Thinking of you, thinking of you)

Thinking of you, what you would do

If you were the one who was spending the night

(Spending the night, spending the night)

Oh, I wish that I was looking into your, your eyes

Looking into your eyes, looking into your eyes

Oh, won't you walk through?

And bust in the door and take me away?

Oh, no more mistakes

'Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay, stay

~though I've been torn between hating and loving you, the latter still overpowers both. Ga, for another time I'd say this, just to get through a hell out of it this very day. I was hurt. Really hurt after I lost everything about us. I was very upset that you've just given me up just like that. You could have told me in a nicer way. You could have chosen the best way to detach yourself ... not how you did last time. And what's worst, you did it in a more painful way. Like before you used a single blade sword .. and then now it's double bladed. Ga, you know how much I love you and how much you mean to me. I've been struggling each day, fighting against the sadness of losing you. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I do, and there's nothing I could do about it. Fr's right. Pain can be relieved, but the suffering is still there. I have been living my normal life again. Since you were gone, I have learned to stand on my feet and rise again from the torment with which you have left me. I'm happy now, and there's no doubt about it. But you know what? I feel incomplete. Like I was really happy but then, still there's something I know that's missing. Ga, I know I never cross your mind anymore, and you don't give a shit to whatever is happening to me right now. Though it hurts, my mind is not tired of thinking of you. My whole system is already giving you up, but my mind ... and my heart ... they were the strongest part of me, yet the weakest when it comes to you. You never ever left my cognition, just as you will never be replaced in my heart, and that's for sure.

This is unfair for myself, but I think it would be more unfair if I will force myself to forget about you and unlove you. Anyway, there's nothing I can do. I have tried everything I can not to fall for you, but I end up being the loser. 

Ga. I love you so much. You shouldn't hurt me that way. You could have told me directly ... that you don't love me like you used to. 

I'm tired of this. I want to stop now. But it seems dying is the only way I could escape this misery. 

I will never forget about you. You will always be in my heart, no matter who will ever come into my life, it's still you Ga. I know you know that. ...

You were the best, so tell me, how'd I get a better one?

The first day of duty was good. I enjoyed office / paperworks that I don't even want to go to school anymore. LOL. I just love filing and arranging things. I actually would want to stay more time, but since my co-students wants to eat lunch and go, I don't have any choice.

Well, my day wasn't too much of the duty and school. It's more on ...struggling against my memory. You know how my mind values things that have passed, whether it's wonderful or not.

I didn't expect it though. My day started reminiscing every single memory I had on the places we used to be and well, it ended up that way too. But what's good is that it didn't appeared to be some kind of a torture now. Let's say, I'm in constant commemoration of those things, just for the sake of it. NO HARD FEELINGS, though I admit I was affected by some of them.

I don't find it necessary to put it all here, those memories that came crashing through my mind today. But, why not? :) 

Well, it's just the places, the songs, the food .... whatsoever. The city is where his office was located when he was still here in Manila. I thought about his travel to get there. I mean before, while we were talking over the phone, he keeps on telling me every single detail like they crossed a railroad, there was a heavy flow of traffic due this and that. He was so specific, that when I go to that place, I will surely know it even though I haven't been there yet. So that's it. Well, the place was familiar because I've been there like two times. 

While I was waiting for the fx to come (which took all of my time, making me late for my first duty. errr!!!), I thought about, what if we're still the same. He would surely be with me on my way, or if not, he will fetch me at lunch break and I will not go to school anymore. Wow. 

Then the songs played like Amazed, IDWMAT, Come What May ... it all reminds me of him. 

And the food. We ate at a fastfood where we always eat because it is his favorite. Well, I didn't order his favorite meal ... not because I'm bitter about it, but because none of my classmates ordered that because costs more than their budget (so I have to deal with it). 

And ah .. on our way to school, I was trying to visualize the way he took each day to get to his office. Well, I've got one way, and I have imagined him there. 

We've passed through different places which are very memorable to me (yeah, only me.).

Yeah, I admit that all I did today was think about him.

Then, a realization came into my mind. I STILL LOVE HIM. No more, no less. I don't think I will be able to have another man to kiss me in my lips. I want him to be the last. I actually imagined myself a while ago ... being alone and everything ... growing old happy for him and for myself ... because I fulfilled my promise that after him, no one else could be in my heart. Yeah, I'm so stupid. But I've also thought about me, marrying someone else, and fulfilling my promise that he will be one of the principal sponsors. hahaha! But I know that if that moment comes, I would be really unfair to the one I'll marry because in my heart, it is only him. Which makes me so pathetic. Why do I keep loving a person who dumped me just like that? I don't know. I really don't know. 

Though I love him still with all my heart and mind, I promised myself that I will never ever engage myself to him anymore. The hurt was enough. I love him but I know now what should I do. I won't allow him to own me again. It's enough that my heart is his forever, but not my whole self. I'd rather die single than die in his arms again. And I can't imagine myself having intimate relationship with him again (I actually forced myself to imagine it. LOL). Not because I hate him or I'm bitter. None of those two is existing right now. It's just ... I'm tired of being hurt because of him. That's all.

--------------------------------------------------------------

So... FOR YOU....YEAH, YOU!.....as I have promised on our last  conversation (you know how much I value promises), I WILL NOT BOTHER YOU ANYMORE. I WOULD NOT FORGET ABOUT YOU, BUT I WILL MAKE SURE THERE WILL BE NO MORE ATTACHMENT BETWEEN THE TWO OF US FOREVER.THOUGH THIS HURTS ...................

MOVE ON.

If it's you, know why? 

1. Those that are in a relationship, let's face it, don't have anything in mind but their present situation.

2. Those who are in relationship are way too emotional or, let us say this they are way too in love that they actually don't care with what's going on around .. even to you, friend! 

3. The single friend is the one who has a lot of time to spend talking with you.

4. Those in a relationship is the one who actually needs advice, so what's left is you, the single friend who is the only one in her proper mindset.

5. The single friend is the one who sees everything, and dare not to be like the one who seeks the advice! LOL

So, better not be upset if you're the single friend. :) 

Good Morning! Today is the first day of my duty. I feel excited and .. nervous at the same time. I will be going there ALONE! Well, it isn't very exciting on the 'journey' part because I have already been there. So sadly, I won't be able to feel the exact excitement I had when I first came there on my own. 

Anyway, my emotions are for what I will be expecting there. I hope and I pray that this day will be very nice. I know, though I don't have 'friends' there, God won't allow me to be sad on this special day of mine. 

So, time to go now. Bye! Let's go Lord!

/

\

/

\

/

\

/

\

/

\

/

\

/

\

/

V