This photo perfectly laid it all. 

In logic, our professor told us that a smile means happiness. But now, it's the other way around. Like everything else in this world, a smile had a lot of meaning behind it.

In the classroom I was seated at the back most part of the room. My classmate once told me that in the front rows, one time when I was asked by my professor about what my hobby is, someone whispered, "smiling". 

On one incident, another professor called my attention and actually scolded me in the class for one reason .. she caught me smiling while she was nagging all over. 

In our English class, we are asked to deliver a speech. My professor told me that I am good at it, the way I utter the words and my posture, aside from one thing ... my facial expression. Why? For one thing .. she told me that my eyes are always smiling, which is a good thing because it makes me look an approachable person but a bad side when I were about to deliver something serious. 

This is what makes me good at hiding my feelings. Smiling. It had been a very essential part of my life. I am a good liar. I could show anyone it doesn't hurt .. but really .. it's already killing me inside.

My dimples add up to the act. When people see those "assets" I have, they thought I'm happy with my life. So whenever they don't see me smiling early in the morning, that's when they thought I'm having a bad day, which is, not accurately true. I mean, it had been one of my best acting skills. I could smile in the rain and cry in a sunny day. 

I wish there would be someone who knew me. Who really, really knew me. Who knows that behind my biggest smile is the unforgiven hurt I have inside. I wish there would be someone who would notice the difference with my smile of happiness and smile of sadness. How I wish there's someone out there who would know that when I say I'm ok, I'm actually not.