You left me just when I needed you most ... T_T

Wala rin yung 4 hours na tulog ko kanina .... haizt.

I keep my self busy with the things i do, but every time i pause I still think of you.

Walang reply. OK. :/

it's lonely in the modern world~

like, you don't notice I exist until I leave you ..

Nobody notices what I do until I don't do it.

... of myself.

So I am INDIFFERENT. I hate myself so much.

Don’t be cold to someone you care about, 'coz indifference hurts more than angry words...

Just say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t expect someone to read your mind, and don’t play games with heads or hearts.

Never trust a person that say "don't tell her I told you" because whatever you tell her, she is gonna tell the next person & say the same thing.

I wish I was important to you .. .. Kahit sayo na lang .. magiging masaya na ko. Kahit ayaw sakin ng iba .. basta ikaw mananatili ka .. ok na ko.

I'm sorry .. I wasn't good enough. T_T

>I don't want to eat.

>I don't want to sleep.

>I don't want to talk with anybody.

>I don't want to do anything.

>I don't want to see anything.

>I don't want to be with anyone.

>I don't want to study.

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>I just want to die right now.

Really???? I hope so.

I hope I can.

But no one's here. :/

People sometimes just need someone to tell them everything would be ok. You don't really have to ask them what's going on ... it helps but there is more important than that .. and that is motivation. I wonder why people have always been so distant when you needed them most. I mean, you're struggling something and one by one, they are all leaving you behind. It seems like they are too afraid to you, when all you really want is their presence. That's what I've experienced today. I'm near to quitting again .. but then, I remembered I promised suicide would be last in my list .. but honestly, I am halfway through it. 

I feel so alone. I need someone to talk to. Maybe not about my problem itself, just someone whom I know would be there. I am really poor in friends. They say I have a lot, but where are they now? At school early this morning, a lot of people are ensuring a certain distance from me. No one dared to talk. I'm really that scary?

Yes, I know I am a bad person .. someone you'd never want to encounter in your lifetime. But they say not everyone around would hate you .. there are these true people who believes in you and cares for you. In my case, where are they? Why is it that when someone hates me, everyone does? Am I that worst, that the hatred against me spreads like fire? 

Oh well .. as I always say, move on. But you know me .. I just put it in words .. but I never really moved on about anything. I hate myself for it. I suffer because of myself .. no one is worthy of the blame but me.

Sometimes we're friends, sometimes we're more than friends and sometimes I'm just a stranger to you.

Itutulog ko na lang ang lahat. Sana paggising ko mamaya .. ok na. Limot ko na. Yung parang walang nangyari. Sana .. kayanin ko.

Wag mong hayaang makita ka niyang nahihirapan. .. kasi mas masasaktan ka lang pag nakita mong wala siyang pakialam. ..

Please lang. Wag ka ng umarte pa na may pakialam. Kasi kung meron, hindi mo ko dededmahin nung mismong araw na feeling ko ang option ko na lang ay ang sumuko. Kasi kung may pakialam ka talaga, hindi mo hahayaang umiiyak ako ngayon. Alam kong hindi ako mahalaga sayo .. kaya nga e .. antanga ko talaga. Alam ko naman, pero umaasa pa rin ako na magpakita ka ng kahit na kaunting atensyon man lamang. Yun na lang ang hinihingi ko e. .. di mo pa maibigay. Akala ko ba kaibigan kita? Umuulan ngayon .. nasan ka? Sabi mo di ako mag iisa sa mga panahong tulad nito. Nasan ka? Tulad ka rin nila. Pare-pareho kayo. Tulad ka ng lahat .. iiwan ako pag may problema na. Ang galing niyo. Magsama- sama kayo. Alam kong kasalanan ko kung bakit ganito ang nangyayari sakin ngayon .. pero sana naman .. presensya mo lang .. kailangan ko lang ng kausap.. di mo pa kayang ibigay??

Please be careful with your words .. it might trigger me to forget about you one day. :/

No. When I think of you, I feel so alone. Know why? Because I know the moment I am thinking about you, you were happy with someone else .. and it kills me inside and out.

I don't think I mean anything to you.