Since I've committed the worst sin I could ever commit, I haven't had that inspirational heart I once had. Whenever I read uplifting words, mostly about how good God is, I don't feel anything, though I'm not rejecting it. It's just that I'm too shy to God. After everything I'd done, He's still extravagantly good.
I had just encountered a reality check a while ago. For two months of moving on, I almost forgot what kind of a sinner I've been last year. I'm the worst person you'd ever know. I didn't kill anyone, but I've hurt a lot of people, and I'm paying for it each day of my life.
But since God is too good to me, I'm here, living normally. I'm not even that affected by the "reality check" I'm talking about. It's funny, that when you've already moved on, someone out there isn't still, and I feel sorry for them. I know I made their lives difficult, but it's not only me to be blamed. And besides, I'm doing the best I can to stay away and fix everything.
Thank God, I'm feeling well right now. I'm crying, not because I feel too bad now. These tears I have are the sweetest tears I had in two months. Really. It doesn't emit hurt and pain ... it releases gratitude to God for His goodness. How could He be this good to a sinner like me? He could have punished me to death. He could deprive me of everything, if not materially, at my weakest point which is relationships. But you know what? What He did is totally different. After I chose to do the right thing, I'm here, good as new. Feeling better, feeling all right, not even a single regret lies in me. He showers me with His love each day, not spoiling me, but reminding me that if I was on His side, my life would be happy. And it's true. Definitely, absolutely true.
So upon scanning my social networking account, a friend of mine posted this (see picture above), and I was like .... "God, thank you so much!" and then I cried and until now I can't stop. I'm better because God is with me. Yes, I was a total sinner and I must be condemned, but no ... I was ... loved. and that's enough to make me feel better.
I can do this. I will overcome my weaknesses. I can be what I want to be. And above all, I will serve the Lord. He's with me, and I trust Him.
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
'Coz I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
......
