People sometimes just need someone to tell them everything would be ok. You don't really have to ask them what's going on ... it helps but there is more important than that .. and that is motivation. I wonder why people have always been so distant when you needed them most. I mean, you're struggling something and one by one, they are all leaving you behind. It seems like they are too afraid to you, when all you really want is their presence. That's what I've experienced today. I'm near to quitting again .. but then, I remembered I promised suicide would be last in my list .. but honestly, I am halfway through it. 

I feel so alone. I need someone to talk to. Maybe not about my problem itself, just someone whom I know would be there. I am really poor in friends. They say I have a lot, but where are they now? At school early this morning, a lot of people are ensuring a certain distance from me. No one dared to talk. I'm really that scary?

Yes, I know I am a bad person .. someone you'd never want to encounter in your lifetime. But they say not everyone around would hate you .. there are these true people who believes in you and cares for you. In my case, where are they? Why is it that when someone hates me, everyone does? Am I that worst, that the hatred against me spreads like fire? 

Oh well .. as I always say, move on. But you know me .. I just put it in words .. but I never really moved on about anything. I hate myself for it. I suffer because of myself .. no one is worthy of the blame but me.