I'm not rich but ... I prefer a book more than anything else.

So ... we need a book on one of our class and our professor suggested that it would be more economical if we will just photocopy the entire book. The expense would be lesser for like... more than 50% if I'm  not mistaken. So they were all asking who would like the photocopy. I have no problem with that, but I don't have a dilemma with buying a book either. It's just the same, yes, but books are better right?! And  if you can buy a book, why stop yourself? A classmate told me that I was rich that's why I'd like to have a book. No, I'm not rich, but I prefer a book more than anything else. It's a lot more economical (for me) because I won't be able to throw it away (I'm sure of that, though I don't trash hand-outs too) and besides, it's good to see a book displayed in my own little library.. :)) And, it's an opportunity to buy a book, so why not, right?!

Thank God for this wonderful day! :)

Well... I would say that I had a not-too-nice but enough-nice-day today. :D I've been late (as usual) in my class, but it went on just right. The activities and the discussions were fine and I've learned many things which adds to the reasons why I don't regret this day. After that I was able to chat with few of my classmates, and help someone to make his assignment. Plus, I've spent my time with a long lost classmate (LOL) in the mall. :) Good thing she's so willing to spend a lot of time with me today, because I really don't want to go home early. You know, if no one wants you, it's easier to lead yourself away from them. ~~ Anyway, I was just glad that I'm here now at home at last, and one thing that makes me feel better is that my crush was now singing again. LOLOLOLOL! XD I remember before, I used to share him with my guy, all from his heavenly voice, his unknown face to me (because I haven't met him yet though we're neighbors!) and the song "When Love and Hate Collide" that reminds me of him. :) My guy get really annoyed every time I mention him. hahaha! Well, it's been a long time since I've heard him sing! Before, like... more than a year ago .... I am all alone here in my room and he's just there somewhere outside singing with all his angelic voice and I can't help but emote to the highest level. haha! Then when I had a lover, I seldom hear him sing, maybe because I usually  go home sooooooo late at night. Anyhow, I'm very happy to hear him again. Not in my saddest, but in my natural mode at night. I'm looking forward for his other songs on the following nights ... and I hope ... someday .. I'd know who he was. :) 

-ako'y sayo at ika'y akin. it's his song for tonight. :) 

O-M!!!! I'm sorry but...,,, I'd love to go there! :D

Jeju Loveland, or what’s more commonly known as Love Land Korea is a sex theme park located on an Island in South Korea.

iKR?!

ooooooookkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!! so I'm here again .. and .. I have no resolutions yet!!! LOL!

Anyhow, I'm starting a new progress like.... not connecting / relating anything to that person. I know that would be really good. :D I'm sleepy now, so I guess this is all for now. :)))) 


Good vibes for tomorrow! 

STOP BOTHERING ME PLEASE, GOOD MEMORIES.

Yes,  you've read it right. Good memories. And how am I supposed to forget those? I don't know either. They say that it is not possible to forcefully forget something unless you had amnesia or Alzheimer's disease. Well, I really wish I had, just so I would be able to move forward continuously.  Ok, so it started just now. While I was turning on this computer, a thought popped up in my mind, telling me that I should visit our email accounts. It has been half a year since I last checked it out. Anyways, I end up crying like hell and realizing that I'm still affected at this point in time. Imagine how worst I could be if I actually came face-to-face with that person, knowing that a memory just like that could break me down so easily. I pity myself for it, especially the fact that I browsed the internet on how to forget the past purposefully. But I can't blame myself for being so desperate to search for an immediate cure for this craziness. I mean, I've been hurt so bad it won't be good to make myself believe that everything's all right when in fact, it's not. It would only worsen my situation and forgetting would be harder. 

I don't have any resolutions yet, and I'll have to think of it as I eat dinner tonight. After that, I'll post again if I have thought about something good (but I won't promise I would). I'll go now. 


by the way, this is the site I've searched for. you wouldn't know, maybe you'll need it one of these days ....... just kidding. :)
http://www.wikihow.com/Purposefully-Forget-Things








AFK

Kailan kaya ako.....

-magkakaroon ng pera para makarating sa iba't ibang lugar, mabili ang mga bagay na gusto kong mabili, makabili ng pinapangarap kong condo unit, makabili ng kotse, mabili ang lahat ng sapatos at bag na gusto ko, mabili ang lahat ng pagkaing gusto kong kainin, mabili ang lahat ng gusto nila Mama, Papa at kapatid ko, at higit sa lahat, yung di na ako makakaramdam na kulang ang pera na meron ako???

-makakapag-travel sa lahat ng places na gusto kong marating in and out of the country?

-gaganda?? yung kahit pimple free lang na mukha at isama mo na ang peklat free na katawan????

-se-sexy, yung tamang katawan lang, hindi masyadong malaking binti, bewang, tiyan at braso?????

:::::ito ang dahilan kung bakit gusto ko ng mag-quit sa Facebook. Source lang yun ng insecurities kO! bat naman kasi eh! :/

#ANGHIRAPMAGINGTULADKO

#ANGSARAPMAGSUICIDEASINNGAYONNA

#INSECURETALAGAAKOKAASARLANG

#FEELINGHASHTAGBAKITBA

#BUTIPASILA

#UNFAIRTALAGAANGBUHAYATSORRYTOSAYPEROMALASKOTALAGA

#BAKITGANON

A funny thought before I go back to sleep -- modern reality sucks! XD

A nice thought before I go back to sleep :)

I'll have to do this now or I will in my class. :?

On this scene I will surely not be able to focus studying. BASED ON EXPERIENCE.

I just love learning .. falalalalala!

It's 6:36 AM on my clock and I'm here sitting in front of my computer, doing all the researching. If not with that mad rat in my sister's room, I doubt it if I'm awake by now.

Anyway, the mad rat thingy have brought about a good start for my day. I'm here studying, and I myself can't believe what I'm doing. I've just finished researching for my sister's assignment and I'm currently downloading pdfs for my own early this morning! haha! I'm feelin' productive right now.

You know how I hate the word and the feeling REGRET, but I openly admit that just a while ago, I have undergone such. I regret loving learning just now, when all I have was a year left in school. But after a minute of despair, I realized how lucky I am to think about studying as an enjoyable thing. I'm still lucky, if you know what I mean. It's never too late though, because I'm still young for my age and I believe that I'm on the right track. Yeah! \m/

I'm feeling all sleepy now. I guess I'll have to take a nap or else I will be dying again in class later this afternoon.  I don't want that to happen, because I really love learning and hearing important information and I can feel it in my nerves. No kidding. You may call me sick right now but it's true. :) And besides, I want to watch a lot of cartoons from 8AM which means I don't have time to sleep from that point of time. :)

I'll just do a couple of posts and that's it. I'll try to sleep again. :)

depressing.

mahirap mabuhay sa mundong pilit kang isinusuka. ... ~~~ -feeling suicidal

 the downside of loving someone so much --- you can’t live without them.

If I could, then I would. :P

Looking forward for this. :D

I HOPE NOT.

and in my heart of course. until that day. the day that we'll meet again. i swear you'll never be gone again. 

I doubt it if I could actually speak if I imagined you were there. All I want to do is to kiss you, whether you're physically present or just a mere imagination. And you know what? I would offer my life just so I could stare in that situation forever. That's why I haven't tried to do so. 

♥let's make a difference each day! :D

Thank God for the blessings in spite of life's difficulties :D

I woke up early because I was supposed to have a class at 8AM. Good thing I texted one of my classmates to clarify things and he sent the changed schedule of our classes. I now have a 3PM class instead of the earlier mentioned, so I was able to sleep more and enjoy the cold breeze brought by the rainy season. 

My first day in school was good enough. I wasn't late because I came earlier than my professor. haha. Anyway, the big smile on the face of one of my classmates made me feel better as I walk in our room. And well, his welcoming voice and friendly greeting added to the good start of my day. I didn't feel empty and alone because I have three of my classmates seat with me in the empty side of the room (empty because 90% of my classmates are on the other side, as if our room is limited only to that space). I finished the whole session and didn't regret my decision to go to school despite the insistent announcement of my schoolmate that there will only be a discussion today. Well, I've learned a lot of things today which I doubt I can gain in any other days of my life.

Anyhow, the bad news is, I was so excited to go home that I forgot my umbrella in our classroom. :/ 

So before I went to our room and enjoy the class, I've met one of my schoolmates in the stairs as I was going up, but I didn't bother to throw her a smile. I know it's not right, but I can't lie to her, because I really feel bad. Not because I'm sick physically, but I am emotionally towards her because of reasons that I don't want to take up now. I feel so bad about her that I literally posted my feelings in Facebook, but eventually I hid it because I don't want her to feel bad. And well, if she doesn't want me in her life then let it be. Anyway, my life became better when a number of people were put away in my life, though of course it saddens me. This is why I don't want any commitments anymore.

On the contrary, a blessing came to while I was walking outside our school in my way home. I checked my mobile phone and saw a text message telling that I qualified as a test administrator (where I applied and had my written exam yesterday). I don't know if being qualified is the same as being hired, but I'm so happy about it! :) Tomorrow will be an orientation and I have to be there at 8:30AM. I hope and I pray that this is it. I know God will help me on that job as He helped me in applying there. God is really good. In spite of my short comings, He's still good to me. 

Many bad things happen, but it's up to us whether to put our eyes on it or sort out and pick the more than many good things that happen each day. ~

~~~

Thank you so much Lord for this day. Please guide me as I go to the orientation tomorrow. I love you Lord! :D 

♥rainy morning ~

I just want to share that my profile picture in Facebook earned likes which I never expected to have since I haven't changed it to my own photo for like more than a year. After I had been a victim of a "minor cyber bullying", where my photo had been laughed at, I have not earned the guts again to show my face online. But now, as a good start for my recovery from all the bad things that happened to me, I start facing the things that I fear most, and one of them is posting my very own photo. I do not intend to be overly flattered or whatsoever, but I really appreciate how those friends, 'real friends' of mine see who I am. I mean, not only with the photo. After seeing who those people who liked my picture are, I just saw that no one even belonged to my acquaintances at my present school, which is pretty sad. And those people who liked it? They are the ones that I once neglected but gave their time when I needed them. Which is why, though I had been in the most traumatic rejection and brokenheartedness recently, I have gathered and braced myself immediately because of them. This whole summer (2 months) is so worthwhile and very well spent, because I had time to recollect and meet them again. Oh well, I don't want to be too emotional but I can't stop myself. Anyway, school days are now approaching, which is a bit sad because I have to face those people again. :/ But I don't have to be bitter anymore, because I know I'm ok and I'm  getting to full recovery. :))) 

So what's with my picture? Nothing really new, except with a a little bit daring look I've exhibited there. The red lipstick I used made my whole face glow, and I'd forever thank it for making me see what I should be. I mean, that photo have shown me not only how I should look physically, but how I should look at myself as well. Not with boastfulness, but I looked good there compared to my actual look right now. LOL. 

After everything I've been through, I think it's time for me to undergo metanoia. Change of heart, change of mind, change of how I see myself, change on how I see the things that happen around. I should begin to love myself now, so I could be better. This coming school year, I WILL CHANGE FOR THE BETTER ME. I WILL, I WILL, I WILL. :)))

I'm having fun downloading games and I'm loving it. :")

#simplethingsthathelpmeforget 

Our song is playing in my mind now and it sucks. :/

#I Just Want To

Any day spent with you is my favourite day. So, today is my new favourite day.

— Winnie the Pooh 

.. and my favorite year was last year. :/

All I need is to be held. To be told that I matter and that I am loved. I always feel so inadequate. I want to feel good enough again…and as much as I hate to say it, I need YOU to remind me that I am.

#I remember last summer

“Let’s just be happy that we’re together.”

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?

— Ernest Hemingway

No, I shouldn't. But yes, I miss you.

~Just got home from Laguna. I've spent a very worthwhile day with my high school friends. I've done a sort of talking and sleeping and a lot of eating, swimming and .... thinking. I've thought about him, about us, and it was the most unproductive thing I've done today. :/ I am hoping for that day that I will completely forget everything,... even his name. :) Just kidding. Good night!

December 22, 2012

I know it sounds desperate, but all I really wanted right then was to hear you tell me that you love me…

Words I badly need to hear that very moment, but you're too selfish to not even slip a whisper. 

I'd never forgive you for that.  

My next dream guy:

Someone who'd read with me, or would read the same books as mine. :) I'd love a guy who loves reading, and who would openly and patiently share his thoughts and ideas with me. Guys that read books are so cool and cute. :) 

Bago ako matulog.

Kanina galing ako sa Shrine of the Five Wounds (na akala ko dati Parish of the Five Wounds) nag-meeting kami para sa upcoming 2013 elections sa Monday. So parang ayoko pa pumunta kasi tinatamad ako at nahihiya na rin at the same time kasi ako lang mag-isa. Pwede namang di na ako sumipot kasi volunteer naman, kaso naisip ko nakakahiya at isa nanaman ito sa mga iiwas-iwasan ko pagdating ng araw. Ayun so tumuloy na rin ako. Late ako pero ok lang. Mabuti naman at winelcome ako ng malugod ng mga kasama ko sa Talon 1, at in all fairness marami kami ngayong araw ... kaso nagpa-assign yung karamihan sa Talon 3 at 4. So ayun,  briefing lang sa gagawin sa Monday, walang maayos na orientation so medyo  nakakakaba. Hindi kasi masyadong inexplain, tinamad pa pagdating sa likodng checklist. At sobrang dami ng oobserbahan grabe. Andami pa namang assigned precincts per volunteer sa voting center namin dahil kaunti lang kami, eh samin pa naman ang pinakamaraming presinto. Parang gusto ko na nga magpalipat na lang dun sa lima lang ang presinto eh. haha. Anyway, ayun binigyan kaming t-shirt, which is nakakatuwa sa pakiramdam kasi parang reward na yun ng pagpunta ko ngayon at nakaka-motivate siya at the same time. Kaya paglabas ko kanina, nasabi ko sa sarili ko na oo, darating pa rin yung tatamarin ako at for sure sa Monday kabadong kabado ako, pero pag nalagpasan ko to, ibig sabihin marami pa akong mas kayang gawin. Yung pag-volunteer ko sa PPCRV ng mag-isa ay di biro dahil alam ko sa sarili ko na lumalabas na ako sa comfort zone ko. Pero sabi nga ni Fr. Egay ba yun, kung hindi tataya walang mapapala. So eto, itnataya ko ang sarili ko .. pag nakaya ko to I can do more! :) At plano ko rin na sumali pa sa mga organization, kasi nakakatuwa ang sarap sa pakiramdam, at marami pang nakikilala. At sana maging daan ito para maging sociable na ko (asa pa ko. LOL) God bless sa Election 2013! 

#White Vote

#BUHAY PARTYLIST

“Every reader knows the feeling. You are walking through a bookstore, completely overwhelmed. There is so much to read. Covers and titles taunt you from the shelves, all clamoring for your attention — and your wallet. Some books you have heard of. Others leap out at you for the first time. That is when the daydream kicks in: what if I could just take anything I wanted?”


#it happens all the time
#i'm a self-confessed book addict

Minsan parang ang natitira na lang na masarap gawin ay ang maglaslas....

....kaso  mahirap magtanggal ng peklat. :/ baka pag nag-apply ako ng trabaho akalain nilang adik ako o may sira sa utak .... 

Nasagot agad ang post ko. Grabe. :)

tinatamad ako. marami akong gustong gawin tulad ng manood ng movie, gumawa ng mother's day card, mag post dito sa blog kaso tinatamad talaga ako. ni hindi nga gumagana ang utak ko kaya eto tuma-tagalog ako ngayon. inaantok na ko pero ayoko pang matulog. tinatamad din ako. parang andami kong gustong gawin na andami ring ayoko. hindi ko alam kung pagod ako ..parang di naman. or,  physically di ako pagod pero mentally and emotionally oo. pagod na ko sa mga taong nakapaligid sakin, mapa-kilala ko man o hindi. sana tulad na lang ako ni joy lee sa palabas na missing you na ayaw na ng bad memories .... na psssuuunng! wala na. kaso hindi eh. alam kong ako yung taong hindi madaling makalimot. na bawat kaliit liitang detalye naaalala ko. kaya lagi akong nasasaktan eh. masyado akong magpahalaga sa mga bagay na dapat di naman. dapat di ako maging emosyonal pero  eto ... yung post ko tungkol sa pagiging tamad ko nauwi sa pag-e-emote. nakakainis. naaasar ako sa sarilil ko. hay. ewan. matutulog o hindi matutulog? amp. feeling ko kasi pag natulog ako makukulangan na ko sa oras. hay. andami kong frustration sa buhay. gusto ko ng magkatrabaho para di ako sinusumbatan ng mga magulang ko sa obligasyon nila sakin. gusto ko ng magbago ang ugali ko kaso nauuwi pa rin ako sa pagiging bipolar (feeling ko bipolar ako. walang basagan ng trip). gusto ko magbago  ng image, gumanda at mag improve kaso wala eh ganun pa rin pangit pa rin ako at mahirap mag ayos pag walang pera. nakakainis  na buhay to. sana sa ibang tao na lang binigay to di pa nasayang. hay. ano ba .... kailan ba ako magbabago? nakakainis talaga. i hate myself so much!

I had another nightmare just this morning. It was him. ... and it was not a good dream with him. I don't know what exactly it wants to tell me, but I can remember every detail ... which sucks. I hope I won't remember because ... it hurts. Seeing him, holding him as if it were true, feeling  his skin and his body makes it all seem real. Real to the extent that the man I am with in that dream is the man I didn't love, the man who dumped me, the man who haven't stood for me. He kept on telling me to spill out the truth but I don't know to whom. And the worst part? When he tells me how they love each other so much. :/

Of course upon waking up I was so anxious that  don't want to go back in bed again. I don't want to close my eyes and sleep anymore, which is so ridiculous. Anyway, I prayed, and I asked God not to cross our paths anymore,  and I mean  it so much. I don't want to see him  anymore. I don't want to get hurt anymore. Not now that I'm ok, that I have already recovered. I want to be free, and I don't want to dream about him ever again ... :'(

I had a great experience yesterday. I've realized that applying by myself isn't a bad thing, so I shouldn't be fearful about it. Anyways ..... I successfully had my PhilHealth number with 3months deposit worth P450.00 (luckily I brought my money. hehe) and next month I can start paying for my SSS already! I can feel the fun of being a grown up now! weeeee!!!

I now officially have my own bills to pay. I'll have to earn P15.00 per day for that. wew. I can do it! The next would be ... my passport! :)

We are made for God, and we should live that purpose day by day. --- Martine 

There's no way ... and you know it. He dumped you just like that, which literally means having you out of his life is the happiest thing on earth. Stop it, you're just killing yourself. ~message to myself. :/

at least my name, jerk!

I'm going to register for PhilHealth and go for my SSS account today. :) I pray that this day would be successful with less / NO hassles around. :))) God bless this day!