My Husband's Lover Day 36

Sayang wala akong makitang picture nung scene kanina sa My Husband's Lover na pinipicturan ni Eric yung parts ng Condo niya. Habang ginagawa niya yun nagfa-flashback ang lahat ng alaala nila ni Vincent sa isip niya. Akala ko nga ang purpose nun para itago at alalahanin ang mga alaala, pero di pala, ibebenta niya kasi pala yung unit niya. Sino nga naman bang gaga ang gagawa nung una kong nabanggit? EH SINO PA, EDI AKO.

Sinubukan kong kuhanan ang mga lugar at bagay na may alaala kami. ultimo waiting shed, jeepney at parte sa bahay namin na may alaala kami pinicturan ko. Para itago. Para hindi mabura ang alaala sakaling magbago man ang mga iyon. Pero di ko pa natatapos, binura ko na ang maraming pictures at videos (may insidenteng kinuhanan ko ng video ang isang lugar na pinuntahan namin noon). Kasabay kong binura nun yung diary ko kung saan nakasulat yung mga time, situation at place na bigla ko siyang maaalala at ano ang dahilan nun. Yung pagkakasulat parang kinakausap ko siya sa isang sulat. Nabura ko na lahat yun. Yun yung araw na nagdesisyon na akong burahin na ang mga alaala niya, para maka-move on na ko.

Wala lang. Naalala ko lang yung nagawa kong kahibangan. Tanga ko no? Hindi ako proud na tanga ako, pero hindi ko rin naman ikinahihiya yun. Yung minsang naging tanga ako at sinulit ko pa, diba nga live life to the fullest. So walang dahilan para pagsisihan ko ang mga ginawa ko, lalo pa't ginusto ko naman lahat yun. 

Ngayon, kung sa part na nanghihinayang ako na binura ko ang mga iyon ... hindi rin. Kasi sa isip at puso ko hindi pa nabubura ang mga iyon. Kayang kaya kong isulat ulit lahat yun, hindi nga lang ang saktong date. At kayang kaya kong puntahan uli ang lahat ng lugar na pinuntahan namin noon at kuhanan ito ng mga litrato. Kaso di ngayon. At wish ko nga sana eh, kapag ginawa ko yun, gusto ko kasama ko na siya. Kung di man mangyari yun, gagawin ko pa rin bago ako mamatay. Promise yan. :) 

Bago matulog, pabaon ni Papa Jack. :)

SINGLE AKO ..
Hindi dahil wala akong makita, ayoko lang talagang sumubok sa iba..
Kasi HINIHINTAY PARIN KITA!

Kapag mabilis na sya BUMITAW, NAKAKAPIT na yan sa iba.

"Pahalagahan kung sino ang nandyan. Pabayaan at wag pilitin ang mga nang-iiwan."

WALANG KWENTA LANG. WAG BASAHIN. SAYANG SA ORAS.

Umuulan sa labas. Nakakadagdag ang bawat patak sa lumbay at lungkot na nararamdaman ko ngayon. Kahit medyo maingay, wala akong naririnig kundi tibok ng puso ko. Walang pattern ang pagtibok, pero mabuti na lang at tumitibok pa. Kahit nasasaktan na. Kahit wala ng dahilan sana na mag-function pa siya .... 

Wala, tina-try  ko lang magdrama. Kasi nasasaktan ako ngayon. Pero hindi ako naiiyak, hindi rin ako gaanong nalulungkot. Pero alam ko na nasasaktan ako. Ewan ko ba, baliw na ata ako eh. Bakit ako nasasaktan? Kasi naalala ko nanaman SIYA. Ngayon pa, ngayon pang monthsary namin sana. 

Naiinis ako kapag may mga nakikita akong lugar na gusto kong puntahan. Lalo na pag may discounts, grabe ang saya lang tumalon sa building. Tapos maiisip ko pa na ang luwag ng sched namin ngayon, hindi ko na kailangan pang umabsent para lang makagala. Pero bigla kong maiisip bigla, wag na lang. Kasi wala akong kasama. Pero yun ba talaga ang problema? Hindi. Hindi dahil sa wala akong kasama. Kung kasama lang naman eh madali ng makahanap. Marami akong kaibigang gala tulad ko. Pero ano ba yng problema? Ah ... kasi ... nakakahiya mang aminin pero ... WALA KASI AKONG IBANG GUSTONG MAKASAMA KUNDI SIYA LANG!

Hindi naman kasi yung mismong lugar o gala ang mahalaga eh. Yung makasama ko SIYA, yun  yun eh. Eh kaso wala. Wala siya. Mahalaga din naman yung lugar, pero yung makasama siya dun, iba yun eh. Kahit sino pa siguro ang mag-volunteer na samahan ako mawawalan lang ako ng gana. Ang unfair ko no? Eh ganun talaga eh. Mas magiging unfair ako sa sarili ko kung ipagpipilitan ko. Lalo na't alam ko na di naman ako sasaya pag ginawa ko yun.

Gusto ko kasi ... lalo na pag first time kong pupunta sa isang lugar, siya ang kasama ko. Gusto ko ang unang memory ko dun eh yung kasama ko siya. Kahit nga noon, sa tapat lang kami ng isang bangko, o yung first time kong pagdaan sa isang overpass somewhere, sobrang memorable na eh. Kasi andun siya. Kasama ko siya. Eh ngayon? Wala. Wala na. At wala na akong gana.

Alam ko na ilang buwan at taon mula ngayon, makakarating ako sa iba't ibang lugar ng di siya kasama. Gagawa ako ng mga alaala doon ng wala siya. Pero alam ko rin na hanggang sa panahon na yun, hindi pa rin ako magsasawa na magdasal, na sana ... maulit yung noon .. kahit hindi na lang yung maging kami ulit ... basta yung makasama ko siya sa maraming lugar. Yun lang. Makasama ko lang siya. Alam kong sasaya na ko. Kailan kaya yun? Mangyari pa kaya yun??? 

AIR SUPPLY IN MANILA AGAIN!!!!! :(((((((

So this is another time that I will not be able to watch them. :'(

I wish I had a job right now, just now ... and the salary would be  for a night with Air Supply. :'((

When will be their next concert? I wish that time I  have enough money, and a companion as well to be there. And I hope they're still alive by that time. LOL

I remembered their last visit in Manila, I think it was 2011. Oh, forget  about it. 

Seminar Day 2

So ... I guess I'll have to attend the seminar all by myself. Wala man lang kahit kausap. Sana lang umattend yung si Joyce para kahit papano. Well, thank God di naman ako tulad nung asa picture. Mabuti  na lang natutunan ko ng mahalin ang pag-iisa. Noon halos mabaliw baliw ako pag wala akong kasama. Haha. Ang galing talaga ni Lord no. Yung weak point ko noon ginawa Niyang strength ko ngayon. :) kaya malaya akong nagagawa ang mga gusto kong gawin, kasi hindi ko na kailangan pang umasa sa iba pasa sa katuparan ng mga iyon. :) hindi naman dapat mag-isa ang tao, pero kailangan nating tandaan na hindi sa lahat ng panahon may anjan ang mga taong kailangan natin. minsan kailangan din nating tanggapin na may mga bagay na tayo... tayo lang mag-isa ang makakagawa. at may mga pagkakataon sa buhay na hindi dahil wala tayong kasama eh dapat na tayong sumuko. :) --- confession mamaya! :) Ligo na ko. God bless!

dramabels.

Kanina, hindi ako dinadapuan ng antok. Nakinig na ko ng music, nahiga, nakapikit.... pero wala pa rin. Ang lakas ng urge na mag online at magpost sa blog. Sabagay, medyo emotional ako kanina. Namumugto pa nga hanggang ngayon ang mga mata ko. Andami kong iniisip. Mga tao. Mga malalapit, mga malalayo ang loob, pero nakakasalamuha ko. Mga taong parte ng buhay ko. Mga taong sinaktan ako, mga taong pinasaya ako. Mga taong ayaw kong mawala pero umalis. Mga taong anjan lang sa tabi ko pero di ko pinapansin. 

Ang hirap ma-attach sa tao. Ang hirap kumawala. Paano kaya nagagawa ng iba na basta na lang kalimutan ang mga taong naging bahagi ng buhay nila? Kasi ako.. kahit anong pilit ko, sadyang napakahalaga ng mga tao sa buhay ko. Hindi man ako sumagi sa isip nila, hindi man ako mahalaga sa buhay nila ... pero ewan ko ba kung bakit pagdating sakin parang mga kayamanan sila. Grabe. Di ko magets ang sarili ko. Ultimo taong sinaktan ako ng todo mahalaga pa rin. Pero ngayon tinuturuan ko na ang sarili ko na magpigil ng nararamdaman, ng pagiging emosyonal. Lagi kong pinaaalala sa isip ko na dapat di ko sila isipin dahil di naman nila ako iniisip. Na dapat wag ako masyadong magpahalaga lalo sa mga alaala, wag ko masyadong alalahanin ang mga magagandang ginawa  nila para di ako nagiging emosyonal. Ang lahat ng tao, dumadaan lang. Makakalimutan ka pag wala ka na sa sirkulasyon ng buhay nila, o kaya kapag di ka na kailangan. Kailangan kong tigasan ang sarili ko. Kailangan matuto na ko.

Ayan, nakapag-post na ko, at inaantok na ko. Good mornight na. Sana ... sana di na ko magising ... para wala na ang lahat ng alaala at sakit na dala ng kahapon ..... ~~~

This.. is what I've learned today. #2

"Be careful what you wish for 'coz you just  might get it ..."

A wonderful quote that I didn't believe until I  have proven it myself. One day I prayed to God to take me to the right path, to keep me away from bad people, and you know what? A LOT OF THEM WERE SUDDENLY GONE IN MY LIFE. I was really saddened but eventually my life became lighter, happier and I became freer after they've been gone ... ~~~~

This.. is what I've learned today. #1

I was once a woman who can't be moved....

Before I sleep, I want to share this stupid yet unforgettable-but-should-be-forgotten memory of mine. It happened last December 17, 2012. It was our scheduled Christmas party in school, but instead of going there, I went to Makati without the knowledge of anyone else. It was really my plan not to attend the party, but my purpose was changed since the man I have loved had already dumped me. But since we haven't had an official break up that time, I am still after seeing him for a formal closure. Few days before the said date, my love and I were talking about what we would do that day since I was really planning to meet him instead of spending my time in school. He said that he will be in Makati in the morning and he will be waiting there for me. But that's not the main reason, because we could actually meet up on some other places. Well, he had his duty on his office, so I would be the one who will go there to pick him up. 

Then it was the 17th day of December. I woke up early, I didn't even have time to eat breakfast because I want to get there as early as I can. I don't know the exact time he will be there or if he'll ever be there in the first place, but since I was really blinded by the love that I feel for him, I took all my chances to be there. I thought to myself that time, if I would not do anything, I won't see him again. So that was it. 

To add spice to my adventure, it was my FIRST TIME to go to Makati ALONE. I relied on the instructions my father had told me months before and on how my love described his travel to his office building when we were still ok. Thank God, I have successfully arrived at the place. 

That time I was scared, because I don't know anyone or any place there. I stood on the adjacent street, just in front of their building but I was two roads away. I can clearly see the entrance of the building and the people that go in and out there. I was there at 7 in the morning. On my right and left were streets which I think would be the only way he will be from, so from time to time I look both sides. I had with me all his stuff, including his 12 packs of gels (which I have bought for him because he asked of it), the belt I've bought a day before as a Christmas gift for him and his computer hard wares. It was so heavy, my shoulders and neck have nearly got stiff. I cannot bring it down because the traffic enforcers and police might think I was by standing there. Well, I'm actually spying. 

I wasn't moving on my place until the sun had shone on my side at 9AM. I have endured the sunlight until 10:30AM. When I felt sweat rush down my neck, I went to the other side of the street, right in front of their office building! There I stood for more minutes. I don't want to give up if only I wasn't mistaken as a prostitute or a beggar or whatsoever by his friend, whom I know but do not know me. I've tried to approach him and ask for his friend, and if he will say he wasn't around, I'd just leave his belongings to him, but sad to say, he just stared at me like saying, "hey, it's already morning, you should be wandering the streets at night, prosti". (For clarifications, I wasn't wearing a very sexy outfit. I'm just on my jeans and a formal red blouse. But how he looked at me and how he ignored me tells the exact things. I know it.)

I know that I was one of the most stupid people around the globe. If you'd ask me if I regret doing such a thing, my answer is a big NO! Well, it really is funny, I admit. I am laughing at myself as I have remembered that when I've read the lyrics of The Man Who Can't Be Moved just a while ago. But then, being stupid because of love isn't a funny thing though. And it shouldn't be regretful because I have acted and reacted in line with what I am undergoing that time. The pain and the love have mixed that I am near to hallucinations, it was like I'll be having a nervous breakdown. If I haven't done it, I don't think it will be easier for me to accept what happened. It had helped me in some way. 

I'm proud to say that for once in my life, I became a woman who can't be moved. Mistaken to be broke, but actually heart-broken. If I'd do it again? Of course not! I've learned my lessons. I think the next time I'll not move, I'd be on the tomb. hahahha! Sweet dreams!

btw, this is a great song :)

Both songs took my sleepiness away .. ~~~

Yung feeling na.....

... gusto mo mag-selfie kaso ampangit mo sa picture no matter what. #ouch!

Irresistible. XD

Procrastination AHEAD!

It wasn't like I am really procrastinating. It's just that, all of the things that I have to do came at the same time,  and no matter how I try to do one of them so it will be lessened, it seems that nothing changes. So here I am, wondering how would I finish all of this today. :) But of course I am not discouraged, because I know I can do it, with God beside me. :)) Praying for a blessed day for all of us! AMEN!

...'coz I was once a suicidal ... ~~~

note to self:

KALANDIAN mode. XD

Yung feeling na kahit mahal nyo pa ang isa't-isa,
kailangan nyo nang maghiwalay.

Ang LOVE ay parang buhol- buhol na sinulid.
 Kapag di mo na kayang ayusin, kailangan mo ng PUTULIN.

Kung mahal ka niya, babalik siya? No.
Kung mahal ka talaga niya, una pa lang hindi ka na niya iiwan.

Hindi man tayo para sa isa't isa,
atleast dumating yung araw na sumaya ako at nakilala kita.

Hindi mo naman kailangan mahirapan,
minsan kasi ayaw mo lang talaga bitawan kaya lalo kang nasasaktan.

This is why I love studying. Studying ROCKS! \m/

So, yeah. You're reading it right. I have a lot of videos to watch tonight until Wednesday. I've been downloading it for 3 1/2 hours now. 

1.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_jIGfSPaWM&feature=share

2.) 

These two videos were posted last July 11, I think right after our class. I didn't know how important that I should start now until one of my classmates told me earlier this afternoon that one of the videos is actually almost 4 hours! So upon arriving home, I have cancelled some of my schedules and started downloading the stuff. Now, if you'll ask me why I downloaded it instead of just watching it directly on Youtube, of course I have my reasons.

a. I would save a lot of time if I'll download it, because if I watch it directly, I will have to wait for hours for loading the video and the interruptions will cause great inconvenience especially in understanding the topics.

b. You'll say that I am wasting my time now from downloading, but you're wrong. While I am downloading the videos, I am doing some other commitments and assignments (of my sister and mine) and I'm able to post just like now.

c. I can watch it anytime, anywhere in our house if I download it. I don't need to connect to the internet which would make it easier for me.

d. I want to keep a copy of the video, for future purposes. :)

So there are more than 4 hours for both videos, but a while ago, this was added to the lists:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rcNCB3cqTg&feature=youtu.be

So all in all, I'll have to sit and watch and study and evaluate the three videos for a total of 5 hours! Not to mention the added hours for reading related literature about the topics! And what's even more exciting is that I have 2 remaining days to do this! whoa!!!!

(the days were not a problem if I'm not as busy as I am now.)

BUT before you expect a bunch of complaints from me, read, understand and believe this first: I AM GRATEFUL AND SO HAPPY ABOUT THIS. Knowing that I have a lot of things to do, a lot of things to learn, and an opportunity to read some more for added knowledge is just way too exciting! I can't explain how happy I am right now. The pressure just intensify the happiness I am in at this moment! haha! I miss doing a lot of school stuff, not just go to school and kill the hours listening to ... whoever. This is exactly why I love our priest-professors because aside from their kindness, they are real good mentors and we really learn from them! No idle time, which leads to less tempting moments. :) I just love this day. I'm so excited to watch the videos! Thank God for this. :)) 

The story behind the song I've been listening all over again last night. :'(

When I was suicidal..

So what? Do you know what lies behind those cuts that I have? You shouldn't judge me by what you see, because you don't know anything ... 

Yeah, good thing no one asks how I am now, because I'm so tired of lying. 

The whole world says it's not true, but in fact, it is. It's not because I pity myself, but I'm only telling what the world shows me. And that is, it's better off without me.

ALWAYS. 

I can't take it anymore ... ~~~

Look beyond, and please understand, not judge. 

So that's why you've kept the keys .??!

to myself .....

I miss us, GA ... :'(

ALWAYS. :/

Just for tonight, please?

I knew it would happen. I told you. 

Just one time. I just want you to know that until now, it still hurts the same. . but no, I won't grab it if ever this wish would be granted. .. 

You won't even go to my funeral, I'm sure of that. Your fears stops you always. I hate how cowardly you act. That's not how I've known you ... 

Why would I? I would only hurt myself as much as you've hurt me. I loved you so much, I never ever wished to hurt you. 

... because it's hard to take it back as it is... 

That is what's happening right now. My life goes on ... ~~~

I wish I'd hear from you again. For at least once, my dear. ... 

OOPPPPSS!!! Pahabol mula kay Papa Jack ... :')

Hindi na baleng siya ang bumitaw basta alam mong wala kang pagkukulang.

Pag nagmahal ka. Umasa ka na masasaktan ka. Kase ngayon, bukod sa uso ang agawan at paramihan. Trending rin ang iwanan ng walang dahilan.

Yung umiiyak ka na sa sobrang sakit pero nagawa mo paring sabihin na: "Masaya ako para sa inyo"

isa sa pinakamalungkot na sitwasyon sa buhay ay yung gusto mo siyang ipaglaban pero pagsuko nalang ang tangi mong pagpipilian.

Mahirap isuko ang isang taong sobrang mahal mo. Pero mas mahirap ipaglaban ang isang taong hinihintay nalang ang pagsuko mo 


Ok ... enough for tonight. :/ SO fed uP! Sana bukas "wala na"  .... ~~~ (Joy Lee's magical hands)

A good thought before going to sleep ... ~~

It's a damn cold night ....

A few minutes before 2 AM. I'd better go to sleep or else ..... :( 

Am I not normal??

Procrastination AGAIN!

I was really about to do my assignment for tomorrow, but I don't know what exactly I have to do so I end up answering non-sense but very cute questions. I don't regret doing it though. I need a break just for a while. I am planning to do my assignment maybe later or tomorrow morning. :) 

Purple : 10 Facts About My Room

1. My room is located at the highest place in our house, just before our roof. It serves like an attic actually.

2. No one can stand in my room, it requires any person to just sit.

3. Though its height is less, my room is wide enough to accommodate at least 5 people in it.

4. My room only contains a bed, a pillow, an electric fan, a light bulb, a personal box with lock, a book, my puzzles and my countless bags.

5. I don't sleep in my room for like 3 months already, because it's so hot up there.

6. I clean my room regularly even though I don't sleep there.

7. I has no stairs. I'll have to use a table and a chair to get in there.

8. Its floor is made of wood and I love it. 

9. Unfortunately, my room doesn't have any windows.

10. It is the best room in our house on rainy days.

Blue : 9 Facts About My Family

1. I have parents who loves each other dearly.

2. I have an elder brother that is somewhere in Mindanao with his girlfriend and their kid.

3. I have a younger sister who is very pretty and so smart that she's actually a scholar of De La Salle Zobel.

4. I'm so proud of my family and I love them so much!

5. My family is one reason why I am still alive as of now.

6. We are one big happy family, just drop my brother in this case.

7. We love our brother even though he doesn't love us.

8. Our family is close to God and has one faith.

9. My family is a precious gift from God.

Green : 8 Facts About My Body

1. I have 2 dimples and a lot of pimple scars on my face.

2. I have obvious scars on my left arm.

3. I have huge thighs and very annoying large legs.

4. I have a lot of insect bite marks only on my left leg.

5. My tummy just got larger now that I'm single compared to its size when I was taken.

6. I am not tall. Not even reached at least 5 ft.

7. I have small feet sized 4 1/2.

 8. I hate my body so much that I want to change a lot about it.

Yellow : 7 Facts About My Childhood

1. I don't remember much of it.

2. If it never happened, I wouldn't be where and what I am now.

3. I've spent most of my childhood years in Bacoor, Cavite

4. I studied in a convent with Franciscan Sisters.

5. All I know is my childhood is better than my life now.

6. It's one part of my life I want to be back.

7. Nothing beats childhood.

Orange : 6 Facts About My Hometown

1. It never changed, still Las Piñas City since birth.

2. It has its never dying campaign, Clean and Green.

3. It doesn't have nice parks and very inviting recreational places but it has a lot of malls around.

4. It seems not improving unlike the other cities but  I love it as it is.

5. It's not as popular as the other cities, because no huge crimes were ever publicized here.

6. It is large enough that I haven't been on all of its barangays in my 20 years of residency.

Red : 5 Facts About My Best Friend

1. We became friends 3 years ago.

2. We fell in love with each other.

3. We broke up, just last December.

4. He doesn't exist anymore.

5. I told you, he doesn't exist anymore.

Pink : 4 Facts About My Parents

1. They are extremely hardworking individuals I've known.

2. They are God-fearing and are faithful Roman Catholics.

3. They love us so much and never fail to make us feel it.

4. They are simply perfect creations of God and I'm so blessed for having them.

White : 3 Facts About My Personality

1. I am hot tempered. I sometimes consider myself as Bipolar, but it is not clinically proven yet.

2. I am very adventurous. I love traveling and trying different things.

3. I am quiet. Silence is is my best friend.

Grey: Two Facts About My Favorite Things

1. My favorite things are the so-called 'BOOKS' and 'BAGS'.

2. I have two rooms full of each.

Black : 1 fact about the person I like

He knows the whole lyrics and is good in singing "We Didn't Start The Fire" by Billy Joel.

Oh Hooray for today! :D

Ok. So I just saw this photo and I was like, "yeah, very timely."

I survived. It's been 6 months and 18 days since that very hurtful day. After December 22, I was like a zombie walking in the street, an insane woman who doesn't know what to do with herself anymore. But now, here I am. Still not beautiful but more of a picture of a heartbreak survivor. I'm so proud I've been through it. I mean, if it didn't happen, I won't appreciate life as wonderful as it is today.

I admit that I still remember everything. E-V-E-R-Y-S-I-N-G-L-E-T-H-I-N-G. But it doesn't affect me gravely anymore. It sinks in when I suddenly thought about it, I still cry when I cannot really handle the pain left, but the good thing is, it rarely happens. If before it hits me every second of everyday, now once a month is just enough. :)

God has blessed me even though I have sinned a lot. That's so wonderful about Him. Even if we are at our darkest side, He still wants us to feel that He loves us. I would forever thank God for all the experiences I've been through and all the lessons I've learned from it. I made me stronger. And I would forever be thankful to God for loving me in spite of my every bad deeds. 

I survived. God helped me survive.

God has blessed my friends and I love it! :)

I'm just waaaayyyy toooooo happy! It's because upon opening Facebook, I saw a lot of good things, not just mere 'chismis' and trash posts. :D 

One of my classmates / good friend from elementary just passed the Nursing Licensure Exam and now, she's a certified Registered Nurse! Another is my classmate / good friend as well in high school, same story. Add to the spice the other past news but still gladdens my heart so much such as my classmate / good friend in high school just had her 2nd baby girl. Another classmate from my previous school in college, just had her 2nd baby boy. Isn't that a nice thing?! And those of my classmates before in college who already graduated that just had their jobs. Wow! God is so amazing! There are a lot more reasons to thank Him each day!

I don't know why. It's not me who experienced those triumphs, but I just feel so happy. It just make me so proud that for once in my life, I have known them and I've been with them. :) 

I know that most if not all of them may have already forgotten me, or if not, maybe I've very seldom crossed their minds. I don't even know if they still had our memories in their hearts. Well, no matter what, I'm still happy and so proud of them. Knowing that those people who became a part of my life has a good life is something my heart is so grateful about. 

-----------------------

Thank you Lord, for blessing my friends. They were a good part of my life, and I'm so happy that despite of us not seeing each other for a long, long time, knowing that they're happy with their lives, it's enough for me to keep myself calm. :) Thank you so much Lord! May you continue to bless all of the people especially those who are close to my heart! ♥ Amen. 

Random thoughts. ~

I'm sorry about my recent posts on wanting to go to 'kinky places'. Sorry doesn't mean I'd delete it and never do it again, mind you. What I mean with my sorry is, sorry if it offends you in some ways and sorry because I know it would change your impression about me (you'd most probably think that I am a lustful woman whatsoever). 

You know, I want to be there because I want to learn more. Like since I was in high school, I really wished I could take up Sexology as my course (which a friend told me needs a Psychology course before you take up that major, and well, I doubt it if Philippines has such courses offered.) Anyway, it's not because I'm a sex addict or a nymphomaniac. I JUST WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THE SUBJECT. With plans of applying it someday, maybe, but most of all, I'd like my mind to be more open and understand why many people love such earthly things.

Well, I don't have to explain everything. No matter how I defend my side, if someone who'd ever read this would want to think I'm not the woman I am supposed to be in, I can't do anything about it. No matter what we do, either positive or negative, people will always throw their judgments on you (as if you were asking for it, huh?!)

I do believe that the more you know about something, the lesser you'd be thinking it was dirty. :) That's why I really want to expose myself with the act of sex, the world of the LGBT community, the mishaps of mistresses, and so on. Real stuff. Things that most people do not understand. I think education was invented so that we could expand our understanding, not discriminate people and judge them. Education does not mean you are entitled to put an eye on someone, not unless it is what your education have thought you. And well, as for me, this is how I educate myself. 

If you don't have anything good to say, just stay away from my blog  and mind your own thing!

ooohhhh... la .. la... (I'd love to go here! Added to my lists! :*)

I am determined to go to SLEEP!!!!

This week had been very tiring for me yet very fulfilling. I was able to do a lot of things though I was sometimes deprived of sleep, just like now. :/ I find it very interesting doing "high school stuff". I don't think I will be missing school when I graduate, because with my lazy sister, I will forever be a student! LOL

It isn't bad though. At least I'm still learning and it helps me recall every lesson I've been through before .... which is really important, I just realized. Before, I always keep on asking myself what the hell all of those terms would do with my life, but as I grew older, I keep on asking myself why I don't remember those things. Because I need it now. Really. I mean I need algebra and physics and economics because they're still essential in some ways ... if you still remember them, you'd never look like an idiot trying to answer a child's question about his/her assignment, seriously. You know, it's not only about what we will benefit but what we can make out of it. Like, if we just try to study so hard and remember every single detail in our books, well, we could make a future with bright individuals as our descendants. Wouldn't it be nice?

Anyhow, my post isn't really about that. I want to sleep. That's all. haha! I've been awake for like 12 hours. Pimples ahead! wew :/

Good morning everyone! :D

p.s. 
I guess I'll have to take some sleeping pill. It's because, whenever I crossed 3AM without sleeping, I will end up awake for the rest of the day. I don't want that to happen, because I really feel my body needs to rest. wew. I've got to have a good sleep because I'll be doing my essay today. God bless to me, and to you as well! :))