It's what I'm trying to preserve. Other than that, none.

:/

Totoo yan teh! Magising ka sa katotohanan! Wag tanga!

Dear Lord,

I'm so sorry for being such a stubborn child of yours. I've been blinded by the feeling I had with that person, but now, my eyes are open. I saw everything and I pity myself for being such a loser. Lord, may you continually help me get through this. It's so painful but I know that what you are doing is for my own good. Lord, be my strength so that I will soon fully overcome this misery. And Lord, I pray for someone whom I deserve more. Someone who would not let me shed a tear because I'm hurt by his actions but rather, because of too much happiness I could not handle anymore. I pray that you will put my heart on someone's good and caring heart. Someone who would love me more than the love I deserve. And Lord, I pray that this man would come as soon as possible. Someone who would heal my heart. A child of yours that abides in your will oh Lord. 

This I pray in the mighty name of Jesus Christ. Amen. 

I don't miss him today, and I guess it was a good thing. I can feel that I'm already moving on. I'll just have to wait for another week, and everything will be alright. I will soon be busy with my studies and I swear, I will focus on my lessons more. I don't have to waste my time on people who consider me as a waste of their time. Damn them! Damn you for hurting me! 

so .. I guess my part in your story is already over. :)))

I like :)

No hard feelings. Just happy thoughts. Everything will be alright soon. :D

I don't want to consider it, but I think I have already given up. After all the hurts I've been through, and all the tears I have already shed, the time has come for me to choose between loving him and loving myself. I really never wanted the idea, but yes, people just have to give up sometimes. Not because they are weak, but because they had been strong enough (at last) to let go of the things that bring nothing but heartaches and heartbreaks in their life. 

In my case, giving up on him doesn't mean I'm quitting. Everything will still be fine between us, like how we used to promise each other. We'd still be friends. I know I still love him, but not like how I loved him before. I think that's how I've given up.I don't mean that my love for him is not as strong as before ... I just want to say that I now know the limits I have, from which I have been blinded from earlier. 

AFTER ALL (LSS mode)

Well, here we are again; 

I guess it must be fate. 

We've tried it on our own, 

But deep inside we've known 

We'd be back to set things straight. 

I still remember when 

Your kiss was so brand new. 

Every memory repeats, 

Every step I take retreats, 

Every journey always brings me back to you. 

After All the stops and starts, 

We keep coming back to these two hearts, 

Two angels who've been rescued from the fall. 

After All that we've been through, 

It all comes down to me and you. 

I guess it's meant to be, 

Forever you and me, After All. 

When love is truly right 

(This time it's truly right.) 

It lives from year to year. 

It changes as it goes, 

Oh, and on the way it grows, 

But it never disappears, 

Always just beyond my touch, 

You know I needed you so much. 

After All, what else is livin' for? 

I'd like to get up soon. :/

I miss you last night

I miss you yesterday

I miss you today

And probably I would miss you tomorrow

But don't laugh at me

Because I promise you, one day

I'd learn not to miss you anymore

I am alone again at this point of time

And I can't resist thinking about what and how we used to be

It breaks my heart to realize those things slowly vanish

I never though we'd come to this

I wasn't warned, you haven't told me

that we'll end up like this

You promised not to hurt me but you did

No, it's not your fault, I know

It's mine because I haven't seen the limits in front

I'm so sorry if I'm acting like this

I was only shocked, I didn't expect this

I didn't mean to cry tonight

Just let me be like this for a while

I swear it won't take long

I will soon find my way to move on

~ladykyu

Yes, it will.

I'd like to write him a letter, but I don't know how would I start .. :/

Yes. Definitely. But closing it could very painful, if you know what I mean. Even if you know it wasn't worth to be read, but because you love it just the way it is, it would be very difficult for you to let go. 

Currently preparing myself for ....

please help me out.
please save me.
all i need is someone to talk to.
I am totally drained right now.
I don't know how far can I still handle all this.
My life sucks. 

Not really stressed about my studies. Everything is light as compared to the previous semesters I've been through. I'm more stressed with my love life. LOL.

I just love to end this week. I want more sleep! :D Good night pips! Time to do my research paper. :/

cute. :D

We're not the same anymore, though we still share things with each other. But as he had said, it is limited. It is because of the way I react on things and he is avoiding me to be hurt. I miss the 'us' before, who shares all, as in everything under the sun. Now, he has things that don't share with me, same as I. Oh well, what's important is that, we're happy together. :)

Another frustration.

I've just finished eating. While I was downstairs, I am watching "Walang Hanggan" with my parents. I am not really into it, it's just that I have no choice but to stare at it. Well, what's important are the scenes being played tonight. After the very tragic body of the series, now, the two main characters are enjoying their company in each other's arms. They are, after everything, married now and grasping every little moment of their honeymoon. 

While I was watching them cuddling each other, one thing came into my mind -- what kind of happiness would someone feel in having his love for the rest of his life? I mean, how happy you would be if you will be married to the one you truly love?

I think it's so great, more unexplainable than the feeling of an orgasm. Well, all I've got are knowledge from mere observation. As they say, unless you experience it, you don't have the capacity to explain it. :/

Well, the sad thing is, I know for fact that I will not experience it. It's because the one that I love have already felt that extraordinary happiness .... from someone else. After watching the series, I've imagined him being with her girl, from the day they were unified. They surely are very happy and so in love with each other. Ah, how I wish it was me. He could have waited, but he didn't. Anyway there's no sense in waiting, because whatever happens, still, it's her that he loves most, and I have nothing to do with it. :/

Still praying that someday, I'm going to be the most beautiful bride for my most handsome husband. :) Looking forward for my own wedding. :D

I'd like to KILL YOU BOTH!

Kill me now, I'm overly insecure. :/

He again, failed to do what I want. 

It's all because of her.

It's all because he loves her more than anything in this world.

It's all because her happiness is more important than mine.

It's all because I wasn't really significant at all. 

I've been loving him more as the days pass by .........

Despite of  all the pain I have felt this past few days, I still love him. No question about that. The hatred inside just vanishes away when I feel the love flowing in my veins once again. 

When I browse different things on the internet, I can't help but imagine myself doing and going this and that with him. It's always with him. I can't dream without him on it. He's always a part of me.

We have always been talking about the things we would want to do. I failed to write a list, but I will try to gather what I have the fondest of memory. 

When tough times come to us, I panic. I actually come to a point that I nearly quit and leave. But when I remember these things, it keeps me going. We still have a lot of things to do together. We have promised that we will not be apart until all these are fulfilled. :)

(RANDOM)

1. Go to Enchanted Kingdom.
2. Go to Avilon Zoo
3. Go to Manila Zoo
4. Go to Malabon Zoo
5. Jogging at MOA
6. Walk through Roxas Boulevard
7. Eat at the Pizza All You Can in SM Manila (failed)
8. Watch Taken 2 (failed)
9. Watch a Comedy Film
10. Watch a Romantic Film
11. Watch a Horror Film
12. Do our hobby in school
13. Jogging and biking at CCP
14. Record our songs
15. Sing in a videoke / music room
16. Go to Clark
17. Go to Subic
18. Go and swim at Splash Island 
19. Live together after 1 1/2 years
20. Build a home with two doors in the main entrance and with mirrors around the room :)
21. Have one remembrance of our love
22. Buy identical cell phones (we have it right now, but we want another model)
23. Bathe in the rain (and have a sweet kiss)
24. Bring him in his place.
25. (October 14, 2012) Go to Nagcarlan Underground Cemetery
26. Banchetto @ Araneta Center, Cubao
27. Eat Lots a Pizza
28. Buy identical flash drives
29. Celebrate our first anniversary on February 29, 2016
30. Send each other a mail in the Post Office in Manila.
31. Tour me in Tarlac.
32. Experience zip line together.

This is all I could remember, so far. I would try to ask him again what else we wish to do, and I promise to put all of it here. :))) 

The Rizal Park

The place that until my next life, I will never forget. :')

Last Ocotber 9, 2012, I have been here with the one that I love. It was not a planned trip tough. He had invited me to be there. I've always been telling him that one day, we should go there. Now, it happened. 

I failed to bring my camera :( but then, the memories will forever be in my heart and my mind. It was one of the most romantic thing that ever happened to me, really. Whenever I reminisce every scene, I can't help but cry and wish it didn't stop.

To cut the short story even shorter, we went to the middle part in from of this monument. There, he had kissed me so passionately, it made me melt. My knees literally got weak. It was such a nice drama. Then, he told me that it was the start of our new beginning. He again kissed me. He lifted me and turned round and round. What is so nice about the scene? It's that there is no other people there but us. Others are a few meters away from us, staring and watching our romantic scene.

I've never imagined in my 20 years of existence that it will ever happen in my life. That kind of a romantic scene? It's one of the corniest things, but it happened to me and I love it. :) 

I just love him more and more each day. I hope this day would end immediate.  I'm missing him so much right now.

BITTER than ever :/

Who's gonna wish the best for the one you love who loves someone else? A martyr? Sorry, it's not me. Call me a demon, but this is true. I'm actually wishing the worst for both of them. If I'm not gonna have the one I like, then it would be better if they'll both die. I don't want them to be happy. If they would live longer together, I want them to live a life of hell. I'm not kidding. I'm not gonna stop until I don't see them suffer from each other. They made my life complicated. They have ruined me. They must pay for it. They should never ever be happy. I swear, I'll do anything to make them regret that they knew me, that I once entered in their lives. They do not deserve the happiness which they have stolen from me. I am living my life smoothly until they came to destroy me, but they will never succeed. I will break them. I will kill them. 

----------------

This is what bitterness brings. Pain can make someone better, but too much hurt might lead the other way around. We can't blame people who undergo this kind of bitterness. They were dumped, disrespected, betrayed. Most especially if trust is at stake. Forgiveness would mean waiting for your own death. They may have uttered the worst words, but still we have to consider their situation. Maybe the pain is already unbearable, added that there is no one they can turn to. So instead of talking ill of them and making them believe that they are such losers, why not be a friend for them? It's what they needed most. They have to have someone to share their feelings with. That way, complications might be minimized. Too much bitterness would be avoided and harsh words wouldn't be delivered. They could even learn to forgive not only the predator but also themselves. And we could help them move on.

So let us always keep in mind that every people are undergoing things which are always hidden in themselves. Always be considerate. Always be kind. Never judge their actions and the way they interact. Because every little thing they do covers up what is inside. Their immediate change, the silence and even the smile is the best disguise that they use. Break them. Use your power to destroy the hurt. Help out. It would somehow make things feel good, maybe not all, but at least .. it would make a change. 

-----------------------------------

I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO. THANKS TO MY BLOG. MY ONLY COMPANION ON DAYS LIKE THIS.

MY BITTER DAYS. T_T

I hate to feel this but ... 

I CAN'T TRUST YOU ANYMORE. :/

I'm hurt. You caused it. Die for it.

He said HE LOVES ME
I BELIEVED

He said HE MISSED ME
I FELT THE SAME WAY

He said HE DID IT FOR ME
I FELT HAPPY

He said IT'S ONLY ME
I ACCEPTED IT AS TRUE

-------------------------

He LIED ON MY FACE
I CRIED INSIDE

He said HE WON'T HURT ME
I WANT TO BELIEVE

He said HE LOVES ME
PLEASE HELP ME FIND THE COURAGE AND STRENGTH TO BELIEVE AGAIN.



It hurts to know and find for yourself that he lies. I knew it already but then, I always choose to believe, because I love him. My love for him had been the only reason that haven't vanished even though he had hurt me a lot of times. 

But then, I have just realized that loving him doesn't mean loving myself back. I am hurt. He knew it. He doesn't admit it. I am in pain. He caused it. He denies it. He constantly tell me it was I who chose to be hurt. I want to be free from this torment. 

I can't cry anymore. I can't shed a tear for someone who doesn't care about my hurt feelings, but is deeply worried about 'her' pains. Now, how could I believe that he truly loves me? I'm used. I want to die now. I don't know until when I could bare this feeling. It kills me inside. 

I don't have the right but I'm hurt. I didn't choose to feel this. I don't even want it. I want to sleep and never wake up again. For if I would open my eyes again, what more could I see? How much pain is readily waiting for me? What lies could he tell me? 

 


 

Indeed.

It's been a long time since I last visited my blog. Wow, I really missed posting here! It had been one of my daily chores when I wasn't very busy. Posting had been my special friend. This blog accepts anything that I want to say.

I am such a bad friend. I just remembered this blog because I am not feeling well inside. I'm sorry for that, but I promise to try to visit as much as I can.

These past months, I am very busy ... busy about things that aren't significant at all. Things that I thought would make me really happy. Indeed it had made my days, but at the end of everything, I still feel the hurt inside. I am not complete. I lack the thing that I have. That's the worst feeling. :/

I am really here to tell and shout out what I am feeling right now. I'm hurt. I feel dumped. I feel hopeless. I feel desperate. I feel bad about what I have done and what I have said. It really didn't made me happy. But what's the reason behind all the mean things I have done? I just want to know if I'm really loved by the person I love. I know it wasn't a good thing, and believe me, I never wished to do that. But the pain eats me up too much, I can't handle it anymore. I'm hurt, that's why I'm doing this. I hate to see him telling lies in my face, I hate to know that he loves her more because for heaven's sake, she's the one he truly loves in the first place. I hate to be hurt. I don't deserve all this sh*t. 

I'm currently expecting the worst thing that could happen. Thank God if it won't, but if it is what would really take place, I would accept it. I am ready to face the greater pain that I might feel. :[

Ah, this is non sense!

so wrong for allowing you to hurt me. :/

disappointed. ://////////////

very disappointed. :((((((((((((((((((

After a very long time, I stumbled again in this blog. 

I miss posting. It's been months since I've last visited and shared my thoughts in here. I became very busy the past few weeks ..... with someone. :)) And that hindered me in opening my account again. 

But now, I'm here. And well, that is what's important.

I admit that I am not feeling very well right now. It's sad but I only remember my blog whenever sadness tries to eat me up just like now. But I would not share about the lonely things. Since this is the first time after a long time I've posted again, I would post something that caught my interest tonight.

Just as I was surfing the internet, I happen to open a page about Yoko Ono's 'art'. I'm sorry if I will not be able to elaborate it, but the thing is, Yoko Ono's photo which shows her old age caught me.I wasn't really interested though, for I didn't really know who she is. All I have in mind is that she's the second wife of John Lennon, a great musical icon. Am I right? Well, that's what my Beatle-fanatic-friend told me. :)

SO I searched for her name and have a glimpsed of her photos. She's not that beautiful in my eyes, but when I looked at her pictures, I realized her beauty lies behind. She's pretty in her own way. 

Next, I decided to search for her pictures with John Lennon, and that was what strikes me tonight. 

I didn't know what's with it, but when I saw their pictures together, I felt electricity inside. I love looking at them. They seem to be very happy together. I am not really fond of taking a look at a couple's photo, but theirs is different. I felt the love that lies in each one of them. I may sound funny right now, but I fell in love with both of them. hahaha! I mean, I like seeing their photos. I can't explain it, it's just true and amazing. That's when I felt that they really loved each other. I don't often feel this way, really.

They are good couple to look at. I may not know them but I like them together. I felt like I want to be Yoko Ono and I want to have my John Lennon. :)) 

Oh well, I wish I could find a love like that. Sincere, Realistic and True. 

I LOVE HIM, SO MUCH IT HURTS .........