...and I've loved you with my heart, not with anything else ...

Lumipas na ang araw ng mga puso .. :) So, sana naman normal na ang mga tao.. haha!

Anyway, hindi ko naman masyadong na-feel ang bitterness ng araw na yun ... :) Sabagay wala namang dapat ika-bitter. Isa pa, at higit sa lahat, ang Valentine's Day ko ngayong taon ay naipagdiwang ko sa isang napakagandang paraan ... ang retreat. :) 

Tulad nga ng aking naunang nabanggit, wala namang dapat ika-bitter sa araw na yun ...dahil dapat, bago natin i-celebrate ang pag-ibig na yan ... alam muna natin ang pinaka sa pinakang pagmamahal na naranasan natin sa ating buhay .. at ito'y walang iba kundi ang ............

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places i want to be with YOU before i die. :) #96

not only visit .. I'd live with you here ... :)

Remember When ~ Avril Lavigne

Remember when I cried to you a thousand times
I told you everything
You know my feelings
It never crossed my mind
That there would be a time
For us to say goodbye
What a big surprise

But I'm not lost
I'm not gone
I haven't forgot

These feelings I can't shake no more
These feelings are running out the door
I can feel it falling down
And I'm not coming back around
These feelings I can't take no more
This emptiness in the bottom drawer
It's getting harder to pretend
And I'm not coming back around again

Remember when...
I remember when it was together till the end
Now I'm alone again
Where do I begin?
I cried a little bit
You died a little bit
Please say there's no regrets
And say you won't forget
But I'm not lost

I'm not gone
I haven't forgot

These feelings I can't shake no more
These feelings are running out the door
I can feel it falling down
And I'm not coming back around
These feelings I can't take no more
This emptiness in the bottom drawer
It's getting harder to pretend
And I'm not coming back around again
Remember when...

That was then
Now it's the end
I'm not coming back
I can't pretend
Remember When

These feelings I can't shake no more
These feelings are running out the door
I can feel it falling down
And I'm not coming back around
These feelings I can't take no more
This emptiness in the bottom drawer
It's getting harder to pretend
And I'm not coming back around again..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At last, I'm home! :) Actually it was last night, but I wasn't able to post because I have severe headache. Anyway, the retreat was so much fun I want more of it, though I really miss our house. :) 

Again, God has showed me how good He is. I'd like to tell about what happened in there, but since my sister and I have to go now I think it would be when I get back home. 

I miss blogging! @.@

I've just realized that I will be missing this blog for about .. three days. I will be out for our retreat, and I still don't know what could possibly happen to me there ...

I hope God will put me on a very nice situation .... I know He wouldn't allow me to suffer on the very first day. Ah! I really want this retreat to be as happy as possible. 

Anyway, I have to go. I'll miss posting .. really. :(

I'm leaving you with this wonderful quote, a choice of my younger sister. 

Read, ponder and start doing. 

♥google. ~

An extremely nice thought for tonight. ♥ good night!

I just had my forehead marked. :)

The Homily was good. The priest said that the ash being put on our forehead signifies and shows that we openly admit that we are sinners and that we are repentant about it. 

This is the only time I knew that meaning wholeheartedly. I'm sorry for being so childish but this is true. So ... the ash on my forehead now plays a lot of meaning than anything. 

The Ash Wednesday marks the start of Lenten Season ... my not so favorite season. :( But then, if His passion, death and resurrection didn't happen, where are we now? So it's just rightful that we commemorate this very important event in our lifetime. :) 

Another promise I know you've already broken.

Perfect Smile.
Perfect Look.
Perfect Smell.
Perfect Eyes.
Perfect Lips.
Perfect Attitude.
Perfect Mind.
Perfect Voice.
Perfect YOU.
You are perfect for me.
That's why no one's going to replace you in my heart.
But why you?
:(

Remember when we thought about having our own bus and travel and make love like there's no tomorrow? 

I was browsing my previous posts when I suddenly realized how unfair I have become to my blog. Most of what I have posted here were difficult times in my life, where I was gravely hurt. I haven't posted a lot of positive and happy things. You can even determine the moment where I am not sad, because in those times, I didn't even bother opening this blog.

This is the good thing about this blog. Whenever I am sad and alone (like now), it's something I can always turn to. It never hesitated when I wanted company and when I want to share what I feel. And that clearly shows how bad I am. I forget how good was it when I am on the better side of my life. Actually, it's not that I forgot it. It's more on, I'm too busy being happy that I don't have time for any other things. That was my weak point. I am more focused on something that makes me happy and I don't feel I was leaving behind everything. I should know how to balance it.

Anyway, this blog is not human and I was the one who manipulates it, so it doesn't get mad when I do so. But to those people I left during my most wonderful times .... I'm so sorry. No wonder that you were all away when I was in my most stormy situation. I didn't allowed you to be part of my happiest moments, and you never allowed yourself to get in my hardest times. Isn't that a wonderful combination of us? 

For now, I'm not looking forward to have new friends, though our guidance counselor told me that it is best for me to make friends again. It won't be very easy as he says, and I know it. That's why I don't care. I can't manage to build another relationship and see it break away again with non sense reasons. I want to live and enjoy myself. No man is an island, of course. I don't stop myself from socializing and talking with people, but trusting them is a totally different thing. Anyway, no one can tell me what I must do, because this is my life and I am the one responsible for it. So if I choose to be alone, I think it would be the best thing for me now. 

My blog, pens, writing pads and books ... they are my friends. I'll just have to be fair. I should not just linger with them when I am as sick as now ...

God is soooooooooo goood to me! I just fulfilled one of my greatest dreams this morning.

I remembered one night, while I was browsing my news feed in Facebook, I saw pictures of my former classmates in Muntinlupa (AB Mass Communication Students) in radio. And then I started congratulating a friend of mine whose one of them. Then on other days I start hearing them on their internet radio program and I was just so happy about them. 

On the other hand, I was saddened a bit. I even told my younger sister that if I haven't transferred in another school, I would probably be one of them :( I didn't regret transferring and changing my course, but I really like writing and the media. I thought my dream were all washed away after I chose AB Evangelization over my ever loved course, Mass Communication / Journalism.

But then ,... I was wrong! ... a miracle happened! We were scheduled to experience the radio and just this morning ... I did it! In an AM radio, speaking about how good is God! Isn't that great?!

God is really good. He may have delayed my dream a bit, but He used it for a more worth it thing. I thought He doesn't want me to do it, but He has plans greater than what I have. There is nothing more fulfilling than having your dream done while doing something that glorifies God! I can't explain into words what I really feel and what I really want to say now. I was soooooo happy. I will never forget this day. 

And other than that, God had given me the best companions this morning. I will not hesitate in putting their names here, to show how glad I am to have them and be with them. They are very nice people and the best. God is so good to me. I am the worst person alive, but He continue to bless me with the best things, best people and best situations. :)

Thanks to you, I've learned a lot and I really had a great day with you .... 

Kia Mapa

Bro. Resty Talain

Bro. Noel Abuda

Most of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH LORD

for the wisdom and courage and guidance

though I did not made it perfectly, but I did it wholeheartedly for YOU. ♥

I'd definitely miss studying. :/

It's already half of February, and March is fast approaching. The school year ends and the new would start on June .... and the next thing I know ... I am free from school!

I myself know how much I hate school, not the building and the lessons, but the people in there. I don't think I would even miss them (like how I felt with the people from my previous college, I'm sorry). But I would absolutely miss writing, listening and other stuff that's only done at school. I will miss being a student so much! I only have one year left and the life I used to have would throw me into the life I'm supposed to have. I get a bit nervous thinking about it, but then, we cannot do anything but face what's inevitable.

I don't have plans yet (which is sooooo me), but I'd like of course,  to have a job and earn money. I'd really want to buy a condo unit (Lord, please grant this to me). If I can (I know I can, because God is with me!), I would continue studying (I don't know which course yet). Getting married is way too far from my mind right now, and loving someone too bad is my advantage for it. It would make me set aside love life for a while (which is good for me) and make me focus on building my own life. 

I know that life after school would not be very easy, but God is there... He is my provider and my strength. With Him on my side, everything is possible and I can do anything, all for His glory! :))) 

I ate at Jolibee, rode a bus and passed through memorable places today. And you know what? I felt sadness crush me from the inside. Not the one that destroys .. but something you feel about good memories that you actually wish you would see happening again. Yes, it's more like a frustration thing ... but it is best described as reminiscing. 

Well ... it was a bit unfair on my side. I was the one exposed to every single memories we had before .. which makes it hard for me to set aside what I feel for him. I may have finally moved on with the hurt, but each day, I'm struggling with those memories and the love I still have for him. How will I ever get over this, if each day I see what used to be us? And that was his advantage. Being away (from my memories) and closer (to her) makes him forget me easily ... 

Anyway, I don't wish to forget him on the other hand. He'd played a great part in my life ... he actually have marked a year in my life as his own. I don't feel bad anymore, though those moments I remember just proves me every time that the love I felt would never be able to be washed away unless I had a tragic incident which will force my brain to delete everything.