I was browsing my previous posts when I suddenly realized how unfair I have become to my blog. Most of what I have posted here were difficult times in my life, where I was gravely hurt. I haven't posted a lot of positive and happy things. You can even determine the moment where I am not sad, because in those times, I didn't even bother opening this blog.

This is the good thing about this blog. Whenever I am sad and alone (like now), it's something I can always turn to. It never hesitated when I wanted company and when I want to share what I feel. And that clearly shows how bad I am. I forget how good was it when I am on the better side of my life. Actually, it's not that I forgot it. It's more on, I'm too busy being happy that I don't have time for any other things. That was my weak point. I am more focused on something that makes me happy and I don't feel I was leaving behind everything. I should know how to balance it.

Anyway, this blog is not human and I was the one who manipulates it, so it doesn't get mad when I do so. But to those people I left during my most wonderful times .... I'm so sorry. No wonder that you were all away when I was in my most stormy situation. I didn't allowed you to be part of my happiest moments, and you never allowed yourself to get in my hardest times. Isn't that a wonderful combination of us? 

For now, I'm not looking forward to have new friends, though our guidance counselor told me that it is best for me to make friends again. It won't be very easy as he says, and I know it. That's why I don't care. I can't manage to build another relationship and see it break away again with non sense reasons. I want to live and enjoy myself. No man is an island, of course. I don't stop myself from socializing and talking with people, but trusting them is a totally different thing. Anyway, no one can tell me what I must do, because this is my life and I am the one responsible for it. So if I choose to be alone, I think it would be the best thing for me now. 

My blog, pens, writing pads and books ... they are my friends. I'll just have to be fair. I should not just linger with them when I am as sick as now ...