I'd like to get up soon. :/

I miss you last night

I miss you yesterday

I miss you today

And probably I would miss you tomorrow

But don't laugh at me

Because I promise you, one day

I'd learn not to miss you anymore

I am alone again at this point of time

And I can't resist thinking about what and how we used to be

It breaks my heart to realize those things slowly vanish

I never though we'd come to this

I wasn't warned, you haven't told me

that we'll end up like this

You promised not to hurt me but you did

No, it's not your fault, I know

It's mine because I haven't seen the limits in front

I'm so sorry if I'm acting like this

I was only shocked, I didn't expect this

I didn't mean to cry tonight

Just let me be like this for a while

I swear it won't take long

I will soon find my way to move on

~ladykyu

Yes, it will.

I'd like to write him a letter, but I don't know how would I start .. :/

Yes. Definitely. But closing it could very painful, if you know what I mean. Even if you know it wasn't worth to be read, but because you love it just the way it is, it would be very difficult for you to let go. 

Currently preparing myself for ....

please help me out.
please save me.
all i need is someone to talk to.
I am totally drained right now.
I don't know how far can I still handle all this.
My life sucks. 

Not really stressed about my studies. Everything is light as compared to the previous semesters I've been through. I'm more stressed with my love life. LOL.

I just love to end this week. I want more sleep! :D Good night pips! Time to do my research paper. :/

cute. :D

We're not the same anymore, though we still share things with each other. But as he had said, it is limited. It is because of the way I react on things and he is avoiding me to be hurt. I miss the 'us' before, who shares all, as in everything under the sun. Now, he has things that don't share with me, same as I. Oh well, what's important is that, we're happy together. :)

Another frustration.

I've just finished eating. While I was downstairs, I am watching "Walang Hanggan" with my parents. I am not really into it, it's just that I have no choice but to stare at it. Well, what's important are the scenes being played tonight. After the very tragic body of the series, now, the two main characters are enjoying their company in each other's arms. They are, after everything, married now and grasping every little moment of their honeymoon. 

While I was watching them cuddling each other, one thing came into my mind -- what kind of happiness would someone feel in having his love for the rest of his life? I mean, how happy you would be if you will be married to the one you truly love?

I think it's so great, more unexplainable than the feeling of an orgasm. Well, all I've got are knowledge from mere observation. As they say, unless you experience it, you don't have the capacity to explain it. :/

Well, the sad thing is, I know for fact that I will not experience it. It's because the one that I love have already felt that extraordinary happiness .... from someone else. After watching the series, I've imagined him being with her girl, from the day they were unified. They surely are very happy and so in love with each other. Ah, how I wish it was me. He could have waited, but he didn't. Anyway there's no sense in waiting, because whatever happens, still, it's her that he loves most, and I have nothing to do with it. :/

Still praying that someday, I'm going to be the most beautiful bride for my most handsome husband. :) Looking forward for my own wedding. :D

I'd like to KILL YOU BOTH!

Kill me now, I'm overly insecure. :/

He again, failed to do what I want. 

It's all because of her.

It's all because he loves her more than anything in this world.

It's all because her happiness is more important than mine.

It's all because I wasn't really significant at all. 

I've been loving him more as the days pass by .........

Despite of  all the pain I have felt this past few days, I still love him. No question about that. The hatred inside just vanishes away when I feel the love flowing in my veins once again. 

When I browse different things on the internet, I can't help but imagine myself doing and going this and that with him. It's always with him. I can't dream without him on it. He's always a part of me.

We have always been talking about the things we would want to do. I failed to write a list, but I will try to gather what I have the fondest of memory. 

When tough times come to us, I panic. I actually come to a point that I nearly quit and leave. But when I remember these things, it keeps me going. We still have a lot of things to do together. We have promised that we will not be apart until all these are fulfilled. :)

(RANDOM)

1. Go to Enchanted Kingdom.
2. Go to Avilon Zoo
3. Go to Manila Zoo
4. Go to Malabon Zoo
5. Jogging at MOA
6. Walk through Roxas Boulevard
7. Eat at the Pizza All You Can in SM Manila (failed)
8. Watch Taken 2 (failed)
9. Watch a Comedy Film
10. Watch a Romantic Film
11. Watch a Horror Film
12. Do our hobby in school
13. Jogging and biking at CCP
14. Record our songs
15. Sing in a videoke / music room
16. Go to Clark
17. Go to Subic
18. Go and swim at Splash Island 
19. Live together after 1 1/2 years
20. Build a home with two doors in the main entrance and with mirrors around the room :)
21. Have one remembrance of our love
22. Buy identical cell phones (we have it right now, but we want another model)
23. Bathe in the rain (and have a sweet kiss)
24. Bring him in his place.
25. (October 14, 2012) Go to Nagcarlan Underground Cemetery
26. Banchetto @ Araneta Center, Cubao
27. Eat Lots a Pizza
28. Buy identical flash drives
29. Celebrate our first anniversary on February 29, 2016
30. Send each other a mail in the Post Office in Manila.
31. Tour me in Tarlac.
32. Experience zip line together.

This is all I could remember, so far. I would try to ask him again what else we wish to do, and I promise to put all of it here. :))) 

The Rizal Park

The place that until my next life, I will never forget. :')

Last Ocotber 9, 2012, I have been here with the one that I love. It was not a planned trip tough. He had invited me to be there. I've always been telling him that one day, we should go there. Now, it happened. 

I failed to bring my camera :( but then, the memories will forever be in my heart and my mind. It was one of the most romantic thing that ever happened to me, really. Whenever I reminisce every scene, I can't help but cry and wish it didn't stop.

To cut the short story even shorter, we went to the middle part in from of this monument. There, he had kissed me so passionately, it made me melt. My knees literally got weak. It was such a nice drama. Then, he told me that it was the start of our new beginning. He again kissed me. He lifted me and turned round and round. What is so nice about the scene? It's that there is no other people there but us. Others are a few meters away from us, staring and watching our romantic scene.

I've never imagined in my 20 years of existence that it will ever happen in my life. That kind of a romantic scene? It's one of the corniest things, but it happened to me and I love it. :) 

I just love him more and more each day. I hope this day would end immediate.  I'm missing him so much right now.

BITTER than ever :/

Who's gonna wish the best for the one you love who loves someone else? A martyr? Sorry, it's not me. Call me a demon, but this is true. I'm actually wishing the worst for both of them. If I'm not gonna have the one I like, then it would be better if they'll both die. I don't want them to be happy. If they would live longer together, I want them to live a life of hell. I'm not kidding. I'm not gonna stop until I don't see them suffer from each other. They made my life complicated. They have ruined me. They must pay for it. They should never ever be happy. I swear, I'll do anything to make them regret that they knew me, that I once entered in their lives. They do not deserve the happiness which they have stolen from me. I am living my life smoothly until they came to destroy me, but they will never succeed. I will break them. I will kill them. 

----------------

This is what bitterness brings. Pain can make someone better, but too much hurt might lead the other way around. We can't blame people who undergo this kind of bitterness. They were dumped, disrespected, betrayed. Most especially if trust is at stake. Forgiveness would mean waiting for your own death. They may have uttered the worst words, but still we have to consider their situation. Maybe the pain is already unbearable, added that there is no one they can turn to. So instead of talking ill of them and making them believe that they are such losers, why not be a friend for them? It's what they needed most. They have to have someone to share their feelings with. That way, complications might be minimized. Too much bitterness would be avoided and harsh words wouldn't be delivered. They could even learn to forgive not only the predator but also themselves. And we could help them move on.

So let us always keep in mind that every people are undergoing things which are always hidden in themselves. Always be considerate. Always be kind. Never judge their actions and the way they interact. Because every little thing they do covers up what is inside. Their immediate change, the silence and even the smile is the best disguise that they use. Break them. Use your power to destroy the hurt. Help out. It would somehow make things feel good, maybe not all, but at least .. it would make a change. 

-----------------------------------

I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO. THANKS TO MY BLOG. MY ONLY COMPANION ON DAYS LIKE THIS.

MY BITTER DAYS. T_T

I hate to feel this but ... 

I CAN'T TRUST YOU ANYMORE. :/

I'm hurt. You caused it. Die for it.

He said HE LOVES ME
I BELIEVED

He said HE MISSED ME
I FELT THE SAME WAY

He said HE DID IT FOR ME
I FELT HAPPY

He said IT'S ONLY ME
I ACCEPTED IT AS TRUE

-------------------------

He LIED ON MY FACE
I CRIED INSIDE

He said HE WON'T HURT ME
I WANT TO BELIEVE

He said HE LOVES ME
PLEASE HELP ME FIND THE COURAGE AND STRENGTH TO BELIEVE AGAIN.



It hurts to know and find for yourself that he lies. I knew it already but then, I always choose to believe, because I love him. My love for him had been the only reason that haven't vanished even though he had hurt me a lot of times. 

But then, I have just realized that loving him doesn't mean loving myself back. I am hurt. He knew it. He doesn't admit it. I am in pain. He caused it. He denies it. He constantly tell me it was I who chose to be hurt. I want to be free from this torment. 

I can't cry anymore. I can't shed a tear for someone who doesn't care about my hurt feelings, but is deeply worried about 'her' pains. Now, how could I believe that he truly loves me? I'm used. I want to die now. I don't know until when I could bare this feeling. It kills me inside. 

I don't have the right but I'm hurt. I didn't choose to feel this. I don't even want it. I want to sleep and never wake up again. For if I would open my eyes again, what more could I see? How much pain is readily waiting for me? What lies could he tell me? 

 


 

Indeed.

It's been a long time since I last visited my blog. Wow, I really missed posting here! It had been one of my daily chores when I wasn't very busy. Posting had been my special friend. This blog accepts anything that I want to say.

I am such a bad friend. I just remembered this blog because I am not feeling well inside. I'm sorry for that, but I promise to try to visit as much as I can.

These past months, I am very busy ... busy about things that aren't significant at all. Things that I thought would make me really happy. Indeed it had made my days, but at the end of everything, I still feel the hurt inside. I am not complete. I lack the thing that I have. That's the worst feeling. :/

I am really here to tell and shout out what I am feeling right now. I'm hurt. I feel dumped. I feel hopeless. I feel desperate. I feel bad about what I have done and what I have said. It really didn't made me happy. But what's the reason behind all the mean things I have done? I just want to know if I'm really loved by the person I love. I know it wasn't a good thing, and believe me, I never wished to do that. But the pain eats me up too much, I can't handle it anymore. I'm hurt, that's why I'm doing this. I hate to see him telling lies in my face, I hate to know that he loves her more because for heaven's sake, she's the one he truly loves in the first place. I hate to be hurt. I don't deserve all this sh*t. 

I'm currently expecting the worst thing that could happen. Thank God if it won't, but if it is what would really take place, I would accept it. I am ready to face the greater pain that I might feel. :[

Ah, this is non sense!

so wrong for allowing you to hurt me. :/