I'm so tired of you. ...

I think it will never gonna work out. No matter how we try to connect, it's just simply not meant to be. This is not about a lover, it's about a friend. We are trying to pick up the pieces again after it has all been scattered, but well, as we try to assemble things back again, one wrong move and it all crashes out. I simply hate this. If it will just turn out negatively, then I would prefer us to be ok and just stay like that. I guess we should not try to make up with each other. It's just going so wrong. We just have to accept that we don't fit to be friends with each other.

I really want him to stay, but instances dictates that he shouldn't. He's so unreachable that the things that my mind could touch is nothing as compared to him. I get really sick with his expectations, asking me to think the way he thinks. That kills me. Can't he just recognize the fact that I am not as intelligent or as grave thinker like him? Can't he just admit to himself that I was the most stupid girl he could ever talk with and just accept me just as I am? 

I really feel sad about it. I am always on the wrong side, and I really know I am. It's just that I am really having a hard time to be what he wants me to be. I openly admit to him that his mind is unfathomable, that I can't understand everything that he utters. .. but he doesn't believe it.

I know that this won't take long. In the next days, I will find myself again alone. He will be gone soon in my life because of my foolishness. I have to be ready. I have to condition myself so that when he finally decides to leave, I will not be gravely affected.


But now, this idea really KILLS ME. :(