I was so desperately in love with you, that even though those things are beyond my moral beliefs, I did because of you.

kaya mahal kita e, kahit pangit ako, mabaho, pandak, mataba, maitim, boba, walang kwenta ... lahat na ... naaatim mo pa ring sabihin sa akin na mahal mo ko .. alam kong natural ka lang bolero, pero hindi pa rin madali yung ginagawa mo a. kahit na ang batikang bolero ay nasusuka pag ako ang kaharap. 

mahal kita, kahit ganyan ka, ganito ako, at ganito tayo. masaya ako dahil naranasan kita sa buhay ko. sabihin man nilang tanga ako dahil mahal pa rin kita, ayos lang. mahal kita e.

CELLPHONE

...yung bagay na kahapon parang ayaw ko ng bitawan

....ngayon, ni ayaw ko man lang tignan.

Ansakit, para kong tino-torture minu-minuto. 

Mas ok pa maglaslas e. 

Nakakaloka talaga.

I'm feelin' it right now. I'm afraid. I don't know what he might tell me the next time we'd talk, I don't even know if we'll ever converse again. If ever we'll have the time to speak again, I don't want to hear anything about it. I just want him to tell me if we'd still be the same or not. But actually, it kills me. I'm really anxious about what he would utter. 

But most of all, I am horrified about the truth that he might tell me it's all over. I swear it would tear off my soul. I just wish I could bear it all.

I should ready myself for hearing the worst words. I must learn now to swallow everything, even the fact that he might not talk to me anymore. Any of the two things - being ignored or being told that it's over - would surely hurt me.

24 hours na walang paramdam. Nakakaloka lang. Hay... 

Ano na kayang nangyari? 

Magtetext pa kaya siya?

Tatawag?

Magkikita pa kaya kami?

Kung magkita kami, papansinin niya pa rin ba ako?

O sasabihin niya na bang tapos na ang lahat?

Iiwan niya na ba ako?

Mawawala na ba siya?

Binura niya na ata ang number ko.

Nakakaloka talaga. 

Sana inayos ko na yung 'i love you' ko sa kanya kahapon .. yun na ata ang huli. 

At sana, in-accept ko na lang yung 'lab u' niya ng maayos .. kasi mukhang yun na ang huli.

What a guy wants ...

I want you to let me play with my/your hair.
I want you to accept my compliments.
I want you to listen to me sometimes.
I want you to smile for me.. (guys love their girls smile)
I want you to hold my hand unexpectedly.
I want you to tell me silly jokes and pick up lines.
I want you to watch Pixar/Disney movies with me.
I want you to try to play video games with me.
I want you to tell me silly stories.
I want you to sing and dance randomly with me.
I want to take pictures and make couple videos with you. (even though guys may not show it, we enjoy taking pictures and making videos)
I want you to not make fun of my little imperfections. (sometimes it gets to us)
I want you to kiss me.
I want you to bite my lip occasionally. (I cant speak for all guys, but damn it feels good)
I want you to tell me you love me.
I want you to tell me you missed me when we finally get together.
I want you to accept me for who I am.
I want you to love me unconditionally.
I just want to spend time with you.
I need you to know that I love you so much..

What a girl wants ....

I want you to hug me from behind, unexpectedly.
I want you to give me your hoodie when I`m cold.
I want you to hold me and keep me warm.
I want you to cuddle with me and watch movies together.
I want you to kiss me in the rain.
I want you to hold my hands and play with my fingers.
I want you to play with my hair.
I want you to take amazing photos with me.
I want you to come to my house and meet my family.
I want you to lay on my bed with me and just hold me.
I want you to let me dress you up and make you look silly.
I want you to watch sunrise with me.
I want you to give me piggy back rides daily.
I want you to kiss my nose.
I want you to wipe my tears away.
I want you to tell me that you miss me already even if we were together five minutes ago.
I want you to drop everything and hug me tight.
I want you to take me on a picnic.
I want you to snuggle with me in the movie theaters.
I want you to squeeze me as hard as you can when you hug me.
I want you to smile every single time you see me.
I want you to know how much I love you.
I just want you.

Everything happens for a reason. Every action has a reaction. Always remember that what's meant to be will always find a way to come about.

Excuse me, please. I'm dreaming.

NO.

Please stop loving each other when you're already dead. Give chance to others. LOL. hahahaha!

LADIES,

There's always a girl who's prettier than you, but you've just got to find that ONE GUY who doesn't care.....

Family Day!

Nung Sabado, nagpunta kami sa Quiapo. Si Papa, Mama, Sam, Ako at si Jeff. Nakakatuwa kasi hindi ko akalaing bonding day namin yun. Nalaman ko lang din yun nung Friday sa kapatid ko. 

Bale dalawang oras ang biyahe namin mula sa amin mismo hanggang Quiapo. Mabuti at may natsempuhan kaming bus na diretso. Dumating kami doon quarter to 7 na. Sa overpass, wow ... andaming nagtitinda ng ... mga laruang pang matanda. 

Mabuti na lang naabutan namin ang susunod na misa. Sakto lang ang dating namin. Medyo nakakaantok pero ayos naman. Maliit lang pala ang Quiapo church, malaki pa yung sa Baclaran. Pero pag sa TV parang anlawak. After mass, nagbubuhos ng holy water ang mga laymen. Nagbubuhos talaga ang term e no .. haha. Pano kasi andami .. as in basang basa ka. May mga nakasabay kaming magsimba na sobrang tatangkad na mga lalaki .. mga manlalaro ng FEU. Mukhang may laban kaya nagsimba .. isang team sila e. Pagkatapos ng misa, nagpunta kami sa likod para sa "pahalik". 

Matapos naming mahipo ang lahat ng santo sa likod, naglakad na kami .. malapit lang naman. Nagpa-duplicate ng susi si Papa para samin ni Sam. Tapos sumakay na kami ng jeep papuntang Luneta. Kanya-kanyang bayad nga pala kami sa pamasahe. Muntik pa nga akong di sasama sana, kasi naisip ko kung sasama ako mauubos pera ko. hahaha! Kuripot e no. Pero awa ni Lord di naman. 

So, sa Luneta. Nagbago na nga ang luneta, nun na lang ako ulit nakapunta dun. Mas maganda sana dun kapag gabi. Tinignan namin ang mapa ng Pinas, tapos dumiretso kami sa Children's Playground. Doon kami kumain ng baon naming Spaghetti at binili nilang chocolate ice cream. Grabe, sira ang diet ko! hahahaha!  

Medyo naiinis lang ako kina Kuya kasi wala sila. Kahit yung anak lang sana nila. Ganun sila, madamot. Naisip ko nga e, pag nagka-anak ako, lagi kong dadalhin kina Papa at Mama. Nakikita ko kasi kung gaano sila kasaya pag kasama nila ang apo nila. Pero naman, kailan pa ko magkakaanak diba. Matagal pa. Siguro ang pinakamaganda ko na lang na magagawa para sa kanila ngayon ay ang mag-aral ng mabuti at makapagtapos. 

Ikot-ikot, picture-picture. Ayun lang tapos umalis na rin kami ng mga bandang 10:30am. Nag-LRT kami hanggang Baclaran tapos dun na ko humiwalay sa kanila. Nung time nga na maghihiwalay na, parang ayoko pa. Kasi .. wala. Bihira lang kasi yung mga ganung pagkakataon, yung makakasama ko sila Mama at Papa ng hindi sila nagmamadali. Pero kasi pagod na rin sila at isa pa may gagawin pa ko nung panahon na yun. Naisip ko nga bigla nun, parang di ko pa kayang mag-asawa. Kasi hindi ko yata kayang mawalay kina Mama at Papa. Pero naisip ko rin na ganun talaga ang realidad ng buhay .. na may kailangan kang iwan para sa ibang bagay na mahalaga din naman. Na kahit ayaw mo, kailangan mong putulin ang oras ng masasaya mong sandali sa kanila para naman sa masayang pagkakataon sa iba.  Na darating din talaga ang panahon na iiwan mo sila. hay. Pero matagal pa naman yun. Baka nga di na ko makapag-asawa nito. hahaha!

Ayun, masayang masaya ako noong araw na iyon. Gusto ko siyang maulit. Kailangan kaya ulit?? Hay ....

Nakakabingi ang katahimikan. Muli, ako nanaman mag isa dito sa bahay. Mas ok pa kanina na nasa school ako, at least nababaling ang atensyon ko sa ibang bagay. Nakakalimot ako. Sana pala di na muna ako umuwi. Sabi ko na nga ba, ito nanaman ang kahihinatnan ko rito. Andami kong naiisip na kung pwede lang sana di na lang. Nasasaktan ako. Naiiyak ako. Kung pwede lang i-reformat ang utak e. Hay. Itulog ko na lang kaya to? Kaso kailangan kong matapos mag burn ng mga kanta. Magsa-soundtrip na lang ako para at least yung utak ko okupado, yun bang wala akong maiisip kundi lyrics ng kanta. Kasi pag tahimik, bumabalik ako sa realidad. Ayoko. Ayoko na.

choose to be happy ~

        I'm finally ok. After crying for a couple of hours, I've now recovered. I just wish that the moment I turn off my computer, I won't think about it anymore. Silence without anything that could steal my mind kills me. It flashes all the things that happened, and may also show a sneak peek of what might happen after. Right now, I fear tomorrow. I don't know how would I deal with anything I would see, hear and feel. I just pray that when I woke up, everything will be ok. I don't want to be hurt anymore. I want to start my day refreshed, without worries. But of course, what do I expect? Even if I try to run away from it, I'll end up meeting pain at the middle of the line. Well, that's life. I still believe that after crossing the hump, I will surely be at the long, straight way again where at the end of it, I'll be meeting the happiness I've long been searching for. 

          I really pray that tomorrow will be ok. If I could only forget this day, I will.

Good things will happen if you have faith and believe with all your heart. It may take time but it will happen.

--------------------

Is praying about having you someday a good thing? I guess, even if I have enough faith and have believed with all my heart, it will never ever happen. Yes, they say that all things are possible, but I still believe with exceptions. I know God would tell me that there is a better one prepared for me, but I still want you. It's only you. Is it too much if I ask you to be mine?

You know what, she's fortunate. She'd already experienced more than the feeling of winning the lottery. Having you is all I ever wanted, and she had it already. She had my life. That's how lucky she is. 

 She's perfectly matched with you. You get along so well, you look good together. Most of all, she's the one that you need. She could provide your demands. She takes care of you more than anyone else could. She had offered her life to you, which makes you really blessed. A person like me could never replace her. Her goodness and unconditional love for you makes her different and above everyone else. 

So, even if I want to, I can't say I must be the one for you. Oh well, at the end, my condition right now is all my fault. I have allowed myself to fall for you, even though I know I could have stopped myself in the first place. I'm hurt, not because of you, it's because of me.

I have permitted myself to be drowned even if I know how to swim... it's because deep in my heart, I was hoping that you'll rescue me. Yes, you did actually. You jumped in the water, grabbed my hand and waist and lifted me up. But it's not you who have given me the CPR, it's not your breath that would bring back my life. I'll just have to wait for that one guy who would come swiftly to lock his mouth unto mine, and tell me that I don't deserve all the hurt that I'm feelin' right now.