Can I get into heaven if I kill myself?

Heaven is what's keeping me from doing it. I still haven't gathered enough courage to face the consequence of what I would do. But it seems the best escape I have from this life I am in right now. I know I am not in the worst situation, but being in  my  shoe isn't that real good either. I hate myself. I hate myself so much. I wish I was strong enough to kill myself right now. But I fear God, and I fear taking something that's isn't even mine. I wish I have not received this life, for they all call it a gift. It's not a good one for me. I don't deserve it, and someone else does. I want to die now. Please Lord, take my life.