I’m not asking you to stay for the rest of my life, stay as long as you want.
No why’s, no how’s, no but’s, no promises. Just stay. It’s more than enough.

I'll always remember this.

The heart knows more than the mind. 

The mind may deny but the heart will always tell the truth.

Most of the time, we think we have to forget about someone and the feelings we have for them .. because it's the best thing to do. So, we force ourselves to forget, we do things that could hurt them to keep them away from us and we try to focus on other things to help us at least not think about them. Yes, there will be a time when we already know how to live without them being our first thought in the morning, how to do things without constantly missing them, and how to move on and don't recall the things you two have shared and have done together. But when your really love this someone, even if your mind have tried and successfully forgot about everything ... there comes a point when the heart reminds you that there's something inside that forgetting cannot deny, and that is, the feelings you have for that special someone. Then afterwards, everything comes in a flash, and you will just see yourself in the flood of memories again. It's so hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does. It's because the heart will always remind you the truth, the love you feel inside. I believe that mind is weaker, and the heart is smarter. The mind is weak in terms of giving in when the heart already shows reality. The heart is smarter in terms of it's capacity to know when the mind has already drown itself into forgetting, it immediately takes actions in digging and reviving the 'love' you have buried.

It's so hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does. Yes, it is .. but I believe time will come that you will not have to instruct your mind and heart to stop loving someone .. it just happens. It's like waiting for a wound to heal.

In another life, I would be your girl.

Thank God, I am not hurt anymore. :)

I'm a bit sad right now. My favorite blog from Tumblr that I have been following and reading everyday is gone. I don't know if the owner have just changed her url or have intentionally deleted the account. I am worried about her, because she is diagnosed with depression and do self-harm. The last post that I have read is about her panic attack which she altered by cleaning her room. I hope she's ok. I hope the url has only been changed .. and she's still alive and stronger right now. Her other blog, the first one I have read before is still available and still helps and give encouraging words to those self-injurers like me. I really pray she's ok right now.

I miss you.

Is there anyone out there like this?

I will. I will. I will. No matter what. I will.

When I am alone, I think about you.

When I think about you, I remember what you said before.

When I remember those words, I feel pain.

When I feel pain, I cry.

When I cry, I can't stop.

When you're there, that's when I become ok.

Please, don't leave me alone. 

YOU ARE THE DISEASE, AND YOU ARE THE CURE.

No, I have forgiven you already. Please don't do it again.

I know how it feels.

There's an invisible string that connect our hearts  .. that no distance could cut. ♥

Dreams.

I like dreams. I love them actually. Why? Because a dream is the only possible way to make your impossible wishes come true. Like, I always want to have this someone with me, and we can only be together in my dreams. Whenever I dream about this, I really wish I won't wake up anymore. But sometimes, everything just don't go with what you want .. during the climax, someone will wake you up and afterwards ... you end up forgetting everything that happened in your dream.

I like dreams because there, life seems to be perfect. Most of the things (the good ones) that happen is in line with what you are actually been waiting for too long to take place in reality. My frustrations, my failures, ... they're gone. Everything is just so perfect, you would never wish to stay out of it.

But of course, there are nightmares, the ones you never ever want to have and to get out too soon. Nightmares appear more realistic, which I really wonder why. For example, in your nightmare you are stabbed, it's as if you are really in that situation and you can feel the pain. But in dreams, it barely happens. I couldn't even feel my loved one's hug there, but seeing him do it to me is enough.

I have never dreamed of myself getting killed or dying. I don't want to see the killing, I just want to dream about me, just sleeping and then never ever came to consciousness again. At least, in my dream, it happened. I want a peaceful death. Everything around me is so miserable and messy, so I just wish that I could obtain the peace that I have been wanting in my death. At least in my death.

This is all I want to say. ♥

          I want to spend my days with you, all of them. I want to sit in bed with you, listening to music, play fighting and cuddling, just blocking out the rest of the world. I want to kiss you all over. I want you to grab my face and kiss me unconditionally. I want you to grab me from behind and wrap your arms around me and never let me go. I just want to be with you, and stay with you. I want to play with your hair and look at your eyes for hours while you tell me stories and we discuss who knows what. I want you to grab my hand and hold it as long as you can. I just want to be with you, so badly.

I'm not in the mood. :/

All things just piss me off today. I so hate myself for it. I wanna kill myself ... really. Well, I think I have to take a deep sleep before I totally ruin this day. I'm so tired of myself. I hope when I wake up everything would be fine.