Pero bakit parang lahat ay nalilito pa rin
Ano bang mga problema nyo?
Dahil ba ang mga kilos ko'y iba, 
Sa dapat makita ng inyong mata

~sirena. gloc9

I've always thought about that.
Children.
They were the most fortunate and I was so envious of them.
How I wish I stay as pure and as innocent as them.
They have no other serious problems.
Only physical hurt is what they mostly endure.
They don't think about being left behind, being dumped, being hurt by someone else.
They play and that's what makes them happy.
Childhood.
It's something a man doesn't have to rush for sure.
And something .. something I miss most. 

Don't say goodbye, say good night .... ~

Have you ever experienced that one day when someone starts ignoring you and then all of a sudden, you'll know from other people that they hate you and you have absolutely no idea what have you done to them? 

I always experience that in our school. That's why I hate people so much there.

In our school, one good thing is because we are not as many as the other universities were, people feel they are all close to each other even if not. Not with the talking and companionship thing. It's more on ... they feel too connected to each other, to the very point that they forget what privacy is. 

Like, they were too used to borrowing your phone, and then read the whole stuff there. Not only that, but a lot of worse attitude are all there. But the worst of all those worse is that when they hate you. First, they are fond of hating you for no apparent reason. Or let's just say, they are too shy to admit the insecurities that crawls all over their bodies. Yes, I know I sound beastly now, but then, what else do I have to think? Someone would hate you, ignore you for no reason. Wow, that's great. 

And what's so bad about it? You didn't know that they were all sympathizing with that one bitch because she have made alliances by spreading the news that it's you ... yeah ... the one who doesn't have an idea ... who is actually making bad things to her. That was such a brilliant idea. Your classmates, and also those who are in different classes would start staring at you like you were a prisoner who just stepped out of the cell and they will let you hear indirect things that are actually directed to you. You are a loser if you keep quiet, but I tell you... it's better to appear weak than stoop down on their level. Huh!

Can't people just tell it to your face?! It's more painful to hear it from all over the campus than that one person who hates you. But then, what do I expect?! They all want to destroy you and hurt you. Thank you guys, but weren't successful. 

Each day, I always stumble on situations I wish you were there with me. I know you would like it too. I know that if you had the chance, you'd spend time with me. But then, at the end of the day, I have to accept the fact that it won't happen again ... or maybe, not now. I'm still positive that one day, though our love would not be like before, we'd still have the chance to roam around and go to places we wish we were before. It will happen. You're not too bad, I know that. I'll wait for that moment. Surely I will. 

You, and your memories. They make me smile though you're not here. Sometimes they hurt, but most of the time, they remind me that for once in my life, I have been the happiest girl alive. 

I'm trying, but I guess I can't. My happiness is already gone. Though there are still a lot of things that makes me feel good like reading and writing. But what makes me happy is a totally different thing. It's something that I don't know if I'll be able to have again. 

Ash Wednesday's next week. 
Confession is mandatory again in school. 
I still remember the confession last year. 
I'm not afraid to tell my sin ...
But, am I ready to fulfill the promise that I will not do it again?
I have to. 
I really, really have to.
This is for me, and for God.
If I really am sorry for everything I did
I should not do it again.
I should be stronger than my weaknesses
I must be strong enough to resist temptations
I will.
With God, I can and I will.

places i want to be with YOU before i die. :) #98

places i want to be with YOU before i die. :) #99

NO MATTER HOW MUCH MY MIND TRY TO FORGET YOU .... IT'S MY HEART THAT SPEAKS THE TRUTH. 

What I did:

I've loved too much

I cared too much

I expected and hold on to his promises

I've given everything I have and I can

I made sure he'd be happy all the time

Over attachment

What I felt:

I was happy... really happy

I was hurt ... really hurt

Why I no longer have to feel it:

I deserve to be happy

I do not deserve to be hurt the way he did

My best key for moving on:

No regrets.

Not forget but remember happy thoughts and memories

Detach myself

I've already moved on. It's been two months since we last had our communication. Can't you just stop? Is it not enough that he chose to dump me like I was nothing to him and made me feel I wasn't worth anything to him? Can you just celebrate the fact that he still love you more than anything .. more than me?

After having him in your arms now, can't you just shut up and live your life normally? Well, if you haven't moved on yet, it's not my problem anymore. It means that I'm still a threat that you fear of. I don't care about anyone of you. You and him are not my business anymore. 

I'm new. I'm not like before. 

Requirement #94 - My 100 Ideal Man List ♥

Requirement #95 - My 100 Ideal Man List ♥

Since I've committed the worst sin I could ever commit, I haven't had that inspirational heart I once had. Whenever I read uplifting words, mostly about how good God is, I don't feel anything, though I'm not rejecting it. It's just that I'm too shy to God. After everything I'd done, He's still extravagantly good. 

I had just encountered a reality check a while ago. For two months of moving on, I almost forgot what kind of a sinner I've been last year. I'm the worst person you'd ever know. I didn't kill anyone, but I've hurt a lot of people, and I'm paying for it each day of my life.

But since God is too good to me, I'm here, living normally. I'm not even that affected by the "reality check" I'm talking about. It's funny, that when you've already moved on, someone out there isn't still, and I feel sorry for them. I know I made their lives difficult, but it's not only me to be blamed. And besides, I'm doing the best I can to stay away and fix everything.

Thank God, I'm feeling well right now. I'm crying, not because I feel too bad now. These tears I have are the sweetest tears I had in two months. Really. It doesn't emit hurt and pain ... it releases gratitude to God for His goodness. How could He be this good to a sinner like me? He could have punished me to death. He could deprive me of everything, if not materially, at my weakest point which is relationships. But you know what? What He did is totally different. After I chose to do the right thing, I'm here, good as new. Feeling better, feeling all right, not even a single regret lies in me.  He showers me with His love each day, not spoiling me, but reminding me that if I was on His side, my life would be happy. And it's true. Definitely, absolutely true. 

So upon scanning my social networking account, a friend of mine posted this (see picture above), and I was like .... "God, thank you so much!"  and then I cried and until now I can't stop. I'm better because God is with me. Yes, I was a total sinner and I must be condemned, but no ... I was ... loved. and that's enough to make me feel better. 

I can do this. I will overcome my weaknesses. I can be what I want to be. And above all, I will serve the Lord. He's with me, and I trust Him.

Jesus take the wheel

Take it from my hands

'Coz I can't do this on my own

I'm letting go

So give me one more chance

To save me from this road I'm on

......

Requirement #96 - My 100 Ideal Man List ♥

Definitely. I've moved on. I'm happy now and I'm living normal. But then ... memories of you still cross my mind ... not sometimes ... not only most of the time ... but EVERY TIME. I think I can never fool myself. Yes, I still love you today. Well, I will never forget that feeling, I guess. But I'll never forget my promise to myself that I will NEVER let you hurt me again. NEVER!

Your memories doesn't hurt me anymore, a proof that I've got over you. So no matter how much I remember those things we had before, It'd be just a sort of .... remembering .... nothing else. I don't want it to happen again.

So, just because I don't want to just throw away those memories about you, I'd like to post it all here. All the things that made me remember you. Isn't that great?! I know myself above anyone else on earth, so I know that if I can ever complete this list, I will forget you soon. That's me. The more I recall things and promise it will never cross my mind again, the more I forget them.

So to make my life easier, I will. I know no one's getting my point here. Anyway, it's all about me .. not anyone else. :)

Sooooo .... on the next days ... my 1000 things that reminds me of you will be posted here. Yes, a thousand. I'm serious. I think it's not enough though. We had a lot of memories way back last year. 

I'm better and I'm happy. ♥

Forget about what's written, though it's significantly creepy. :/

John Lennon's way toooooooooooo handsome and sexy. I looooooooooove him! :)

♥ FAITH ♥

Sometimes, we can't have what we want

But it doesn't mean that we can never have it

Everything takes place at the right time

It's not no ... It's just not now. :)

Requirement #97 - My 100 Ideal Man List ♥

Requirement #98 - My 100 Ideal Man List ♥

Places I want to be with YOU before I die. :) #100

Requirement #99 - My 100 Ideal Man List ♥

XD

So true. It's a perfect presentation of how the minds of the people in our school work. They are all judgmental, talking ill to you as if they've never ever committed a sin in their entire lives. Anyway, I don't care. I choose to keep quiet. I don't have to spill a lot of words just to get their sympathy. And besides, I can handle myself ... I don't need fake people around. I know what's true, and whether they believe it or not, it's not my problem anymore. All were allowed to think whatever they want to anyway. I'd live my life according to how I want it to be. What matters most is I'm free and happy. Pleasing them is never on my list. :)

I love the color.

for those who'd been A FRIEND TO ME only. ♥

Emotional pain is a lot more painful than a physical one.

Someday you'll gonna realize 
One day you'll see through my eyes 
But then i won't even be there 
I'll be happy somewhere 
Even if i can't 

I know 
You dont really see my worth 
You think your the last guy on earth 
Well i've got news for you 
I know i'm not that strong 
But it won't take long 
Won't take long 

Coz someday, someone's gonna love me 
The way, i want you to need me 
Someday, someone's gonna take your place 
One day i'll forget about you 
You'll see, i won't even miss you 
Someday, someday 

But now 
I know you can't tell 
I'm down,and i'm not down anyway 
But one day these tears 
They will all run dry 
I won't have to cry 
Sweet goodbye 



----------------------------------------------------------

No more room for bitterness. ♥ This song is dedicated to no one. In the first place, no one's gonna be a replacement. XD

Requirement #100 - My 100 Ideal Man List ♥

I never had an 'ideal man'. I mean, setting demands hasn't crossed my mind, because I know that when love strikes, your list would only appear as a mere disappointment and frustration. But then, why not try it now? This doesn't necessarily mean I will be looking forward for this, because as we all know, I've already found the one I want (note: I found the one I want, not have him. It's totally different). So, you could expect that most of this remind me of him. Well, I just want to share stuff like this, and experience how it was to have an ideal man. :)

The worst thing we could ever do in a day is to forget to pray. I have personally experienced that. You thought you can handle things but then, at the end of the day, prayer is an essential part of the day.

It's like, when you have someone special, whom you always love to talk with the moment you open your eyes in the morning, and the last voice you'd hear before it closes at night. That's how important it is... to have a constant communication to the one WHO LOVES US MOST. Though He knows everything, He is so good that He has given us a way to talk to him ... because it's what man need most. To have someone to tell everything about how your day have gone, whether it is good or bad. And to know the fact that someone is listening ... wow. :) 

It's a good kind of sad. It's something that make you feel human. ♥♥♥

How would you know, and how would you appreciate being happy, if at one point you weren't sad?! 

~All things work for good. 

Would I really wish for a delete button?
I don't think it would be a great idea. 
I am person who value memories most, whether they are good or bad.
Also, what for are memories if you were able to delete them? 
There wouldn't be memories.
And life would be as dull as you can imagine.

I wouldn't wish to delete some people as well, whether they've hurt me or not.
If there is for real a delete button,
I would surely delete those who hurt me immediately
And then who's left?
Those unfamiliar faces I come to cross each day?
Well, that won't be a very good idea.
Because those who I love most are the ones who constantly hurt me
And the ones who are prone to be a victim of my button.

Feelings. I never want to delete feelings, even some feelings
Yes, sometimes I wish I wasn't hurt
Sometimes I wish I become numb at anything.
But then, feelings is what makes me human
And feelings are wonderful things.
Because they make you appreciate everything around
and they help you classify what's the difference between someone you felt something with (whether hatred or love) and someone you never felt anything with.

My sins doesn't make HIM love me less. That's how good God is. ♥

Lilipas din ang February, tiwala lang. ♥

Bitter na kung bitter. Eh ganun talaga eh. Lalo na kung kagagaling mo lang sa break up. Maiisip mo na sana kayo ang magkasama sa buwan na ito. Oo, buwan na ito, hindi lang sa araw ng February 14. Kasi kung yun lang namang araw na yun ... pwede ka naman mag hire ng kaibigan para i-celebrate yun, o sa pamilya lang eh. Pero yung buong buwan ng Pebrero .. na alam mo na may taong di mo kadugo pero mahal na mahal ka ... shocks. 

So ayun. Pag may makikita kang lovers di mo maiwasang ma-bitter. Kasi ganun kayo noon, mas malala pa nga eh. At dapat ganun kayo ngayon.

Anyway, alam niyo ba na never pa ko nag-celebrate ng Valentines with a special someone? Laging family, friends. Pag kasi may lovelife ako ... ewan ko .. di tumatama ng Valentine's Day. May sumpa ata ako. LOL. So ... akala ko meron na ngayong taon ... pero wala eh. Di nga inabot ng pasko eh. HAy .....

Anyhow, wala namang dapat ikaluksa. Dapat pa ring maging maligaya. Tulad ko, ice-celebrate ko ang Valentine's Day sa piling ni Lord ... dahil retreat namin yun. Isn't that great?!

Not anymore.

Thought for Today .. ♥

HE indeed is the only one who can do all this - never leave you and love you just the same .. whatever you have done to hurt HIM. Everyday, I remember how good the LORD is to me, how He'd given me another chance to live my life accordingly. How He didn't punish me to death. How He'd still given me a wonderful life in spite of everything.

Lord, Thank you so much. ♥

Our first film together. ♥ ~missing the old days ....