The first day of duty was good. I enjoyed office / paperworks that I don't even want to go to school anymore. LOL. I just love filing and arranging things. I actually would want to stay more time, but since my co-students wants to eat lunch and go, I don't have any choice.

Well, my day wasn't too much of the duty and school. It's more on ...struggling against my memory. You know how my mind values things that have passed, whether it's wonderful or not.

I didn't expect it though. My day started reminiscing every single memory I had on the places we used to be and well, it ended up that way too. But what's good is that it didn't appeared to be some kind of a torture now. Let's say, I'm in constant commemoration of those things, just for the sake of it. NO HARD FEELINGS, though I admit I was affected by some of them.

I don't find it necessary to put it all here, those memories that came crashing through my mind today. But, why not? :) 

Well, it's just the places, the songs, the food .... whatsoever. The city is where his office was located when he was still here in Manila. I thought about his travel to get there. I mean before, while we were talking over the phone, he keeps on telling me every single detail like they crossed a railroad, there was a heavy flow of traffic due this and that. He was so specific, that when I go to that place, I will surely know it even though I haven't been there yet. So that's it. Well, the place was familiar because I've been there like two times. 

While I was waiting for the fx to come (which took all of my time, making me late for my first duty. errr!!!), I thought about, what if we're still the same. He would surely be with me on my way, or if not, he will fetch me at lunch break and I will not go to school anymore. Wow. 

Then the songs played like Amazed, IDWMAT, Come What May ... it all reminds me of him. 

And the food. We ate at a fastfood where we always eat because it is his favorite. Well, I didn't order his favorite meal ... not because I'm bitter about it, but because none of my classmates ordered that because costs more than their budget (so I have to deal with it). 

And ah .. on our way to school, I was trying to visualize the way he took each day to get to his office. Well, I've got one way, and I have imagined him there. 

We've passed through different places which are very memorable to me (yeah, only me.).

Yeah, I admit that all I did today was think about him.

Then, a realization came into my mind. I STILL LOVE HIM. No more, no less. I don't think I will be able to have another man to kiss me in my lips. I want him to be the last. I actually imagined myself a while ago ... being alone and everything ... growing old happy for him and for myself ... because I fulfilled my promise that after him, no one else could be in my heart. Yeah, I'm so stupid. But I've also thought about me, marrying someone else, and fulfilling my promise that he will be one of the principal sponsors. hahaha! But I know that if that moment comes, I would be really unfair to the one I'll marry because in my heart, it is only him. Which makes me so pathetic. Why do I keep loving a person who dumped me just like that? I don't know. I really don't know. 

Though I love him still with all my heart and mind, I promised myself that I will never ever engage myself to him anymore. The hurt was enough. I love him but I know now what should I do. I won't allow him to own me again. It's enough that my heart is his forever, but not my whole self. I'd rather die single than die in his arms again. And I can't imagine myself having intimate relationship with him again (I actually forced myself to imagine it. LOL). Not because I hate him or I'm bitter. None of those two is existing right now. It's just ... I'm tired of being hurt because of him. That's all.

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So... FOR YOU....YEAH, YOU!.....as I have promised on our last  conversation (you know how much I value promises), I WILL NOT BOTHER YOU ANYMORE. I WOULD NOT FORGET ABOUT YOU, BUT I WILL MAKE SURE THERE WILL BE NO MORE ATTACHMENT BETWEEN THE TWO OF US FOREVER.THOUGH THIS HURTS ...................