So.... this is a very good thought for this morning. :) Only 'her' did not recognized my effort and value, and so I don't have to waste my time hating myself for it because there are a lot more people, or should I say, there will also be one person who will be appreciative enough to acknowledge what I've done good to them. Eventually I will be able to find an audience, without trying so hard to please anyone out there. :) 

Answered Prayer =)

So before I closed my eyes last night, I prayed to God that He wake me up early this morning. And guess what? I woke up even before our alarm clocks blast. My sister jumped out of our bed because she felt something crawling (which happened to be a dirty cockroach) and well, it made me wide awake. :) Truly, God answers prayers! Good Morning! :)))

HELLO, BLOG!

When I was looking at his photos during my birthday, I was thinking, "What the hell is with this guy that I am dying to have him?" Well, I just can't explain why. He's not that gorgeous, all sexy man you'd ever imagine, he's plain and he's old! But I love him, and that's what's so important to me. :D 

I am currently staring at our old photos. Our old memories. Still fresh in my heart and mind.

The good thing about tonight is, the fear that I am assuming before did not occur. I thought if I saw those pictures again, all the pain I have felt and all those bad memories of our last days will come crashing through my mind. But as I browse those memories of ours, I feel good inside. The more pictures I stare at, the more I feel better. But of course let's not exclude the fact that I have cried a river. I actually have a bunch of used tissue papers right on my table. :) So I have decided not to download the pictures. Aside from the fact that it's too many it would take me a lot of time to do so (which is, I'm so willing to do if not for the second reason) and that I don't want to tempt  myself looking at it every time I open my netbook. But I have downloaded some videos of our most favorite songs. 

So far, this had been the best gift that I have given myself on my birthday. To see him again, even not personally. The face that I almost forget but I never did. The face of the man that I'll surely love until my last breath.

I keep on asking myself before why I am still holding on. The answer was given to me as a gift today. I'm still loving him, inspite of the fact that he left me, because that's what I have promised. And remember, I am a person who's so particular with promises. And if I told you so, I'd really do it. And because he's the only man I will love like this, I will and forever will.

I will watch music video of the song that I haven't heard for a long time now. I hope it would make me fall asleep. haha! 

Tears fall from my eyes right now, not because I am in pain, but because I'm happy. That for once in my life, I was fortunate and so blessed to have him in my life. I'm happy because one of my birthdays were celebrated with him alone, and that would be one of the best birthdays of my life. And even though he's not around right now and he will not greet me (I even doubt it if he'll remember it's my birthday today), I'm still happy. I'm happy for us. We're happy now. I know he is, big time. And I have to be too. 


Happy Birthday to me.

Guess what? I'm all tears tonight. I said I'd sleep. I've turned off the computer already and went to bed ... and then when I was about to say my good night prayer ... tears fell down my cheeks and it's unstoppable until now, like it's been 3o minutes flowing without stopping. I don't remember the last time I've cried like this year. This uncontrollable tears that I wish would not come out but it did, and I know that if I will try to stop it, it would only lead to severe headache. So why am I crying on my birthday? Tears of joy? No. I can feel the pain rushing through my chest as tears fall from my eyes.  That's why I stood up and opened my netbook so I could surf and post here, hoping I could find comfort so I could sleep. 

So why am I crying?????? Ok. This is the first sad birthday of my life, the start of a more sad birthdays to come. Sad because ..... I'd be celebrating it yearly remembering all the memories we've shared in my happiest birthday ever, which  is last year. I know this is stupid, but what is silly with being so honest? I am hurt. I am sad on my birthday because he wouldn't be greeting me, he wouldn't be calling me, he wouldn't tell me he loves me ... never again! I know you'd say that I shouldn't just stick with him and just think about so many good things that was left especially the people who bothered to greet me but ..... I can't stop it. I'm hurt. I really want him. He's all I want. He's all I want to be with today. :(

If you'd ask what's my gift for myself this day of mine, well.... I'd open our email account in Yahoo and have a sneak peak on our old photos. If I can I will download it, if not, I'll just leave it there. So upon typing here, I am gaining all the courage I could have. I have to brace myself or else .... I don't know. This would be the first time this year that I will see "us" together,,,,,..  in photos. I hope I could sleep after this. And I'm going to do it right after I post this. And that is, NOW.

Happy Birthday to me. :) Have to sleep now. :')

Women are flexible. indeed.

I could have searched for  better photos that would portrait how flexible women are during those times. But since I don't want to be too erotic here, I've chosen this one. And besides, it's beyond the flexibility .. it is the passion and intensity that I love in this shot. :) missing those times eh?

Why do women suddenly become so flexible during those intimate times???
#latenightfantasies

#ImSingleBecause

 or

This song just perfectly describes how it feels each passing night....... ~~~ ISTILLMISSYOUGA.

Each passing night 

I try and close my eyes 

But thoughts of you 

They wake me up 

And tear me inside out 

Each passing night 

I ask myself who's right 

And try to find the reasons why 

It had to end that night 

Didn't we share each other's dreams 

We held each other tight 

And tears fell from my eyes 

As you walked and left me here 

Like the wind you passed me by 

I try but I can't see 

If it's something that I said 

Baby please won't you tell me now 

'Cause it gets harder each passing night 

I often pray 

That you'd come back and stay 

We've had so much together 

To ever live apart 

I'll wait and see 

'Cause I know and I believe 

Someday you'll come to realize 

What you and I can be 

Then we'll share each other's dreams 

We'll hold each other tight 

Kiss the tears that burn my eyes 

'Cause you walked and left me here 

Like the wind you passed me by 

I try but I can't see 

If it's something that I said 

Baby, please won't you tell me now 

'Cause it gets harder each passing night 

I never meant to hurt your heart this way 

Sooner or later 

There'd be someone else who'd stay