I just want to share that my profile picture in Facebook earned likes which I never expected to have since I haven't changed it to my own photo for like more than a year. After I had been a victim of a "minor cyber bullying", where my photo had been laughed at, I have not earned the guts again to show my face online. But now, as a good start for my recovery from all the bad things that happened to me, I start facing the things that I fear most, and one of them is posting my very own photo. I do not intend to be overly flattered or whatsoever, but I really appreciate how those friends, 'real friends' of mine see who I am. I mean, not only with the photo. After seeing who those people who liked my picture are, I just saw that no one even belonged to my acquaintances at my present school, which is pretty sad. And those people who liked it? They are the ones that I once neglected but gave their time when I needed them. Which is why, though I had been in the most traumatic rejection and brokenheartedness recently, I have gathered and braced myself immediately because of them. This whole summer (2 months) is so worthwhile and very well spent, because I had time to recollect and meet them again. Oh well, I don't want to be too emotional but I can't stop myself. Anyway, school days are now approaching, which is a bit sad because I have to face those people again. :/ But I don't have to be bitter anymore, because I know I'm ok and I'm  getting to full recovery. :))) 

So what's with my picture? Nothing really new, except with a a little bit daring look I've exhibited there. The red lipstick I used made my whole face glow, and I'd forever thank it for making me see what I should be. I mean, that photo have shown me not only how I should look physically, but how I should look at myself as well. Not with boastfulness, but I looked good there compared to my actual look right now. LOL. 

After everything I've been through, I think it's time for me to undergo metanoia. Change of heart, change of mind, change of how I see myself, change on how I see the things that happen around. I should begin to love myself now, so I could be better. This coming school year, I WILL CHANGE FOR THE BETTER ME. I WILL, I WILL, I WILL. :)))

I'm having fun downloading games and I'm loving it. :")

#simplethingsthathelpmeforget 

Our song is playing in my mind now and it sucks. :/

#I Just Want To

Any day spent with you is my favourite day. So, today is my new favourite day.

— Winnie the Pooh 

.. and my favorite year was last year. :/

All I need is to be held. To be told that I matter and that I am loved. I always feel so inadequate. I want to feel good enough again…and as much as I hate to say it, I need YOU to remind me that I am.

#I remember last summer

“Let’s just be happy that we’re together.”

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?

— Ernest Hemingway

No, I shouldn't. But yes, I miss you.

~Just got home from Laguna. I've spent a very worthwhile day with my high school friends. I've done a sort of talking and sleeping and a lot of eating, swimming and .... thinking. I've thought about him, about us, and it was the most unproductive thing I've done today. :/ I am hoping for that day that I will completely forget everything,... even his name. :) Just kidding. Good night!

December 22, 2012

I know it sounds desperate, but all I really wanted right then was to hear you tell me that you love me…

Words I badly need to hear that very moment, but you're too selfish to not even slip a whisper. 

I'd never forgive you for that.  

My next dream guy:

Someone who'd read with me, or would read the same books as mine. :) I'd love a guy who loves reading, and who would openly and patiently share his thoughts and ideas with me. Guys that read books are so cool and cute. :) 

Bago ako matulog.

Kanina galing ako sa Shrine of the Five Wounds (na akala ko dati Parish of the Five Wounds) nag-meeting kami para sa upcoming 2013 elections sa Monday. So parang ayoko pa pumunta kasi tinatamad ako at nahihiya na rin at the same time kasi ako lang mag-isa. Pwede namang di na ako sumipot kasi volunteer naman, kaso naisip ko nakakahiya at isa nanaman ito sa mga iiwas-iwasan ko pagdating ng araw. Ayun so tumuloy na rin ako. Late ako pero ok lang. Mabuti naman at winelcome ako ng malugod ng mga kasama ko sa Talon 1, at in all fairness marami kami ngayong araw ... kaso nagpa-assign yung karamihan sa Talon 3 at 4. So ayun,  briefing lang sa gagawin sa Monday, walang maayos na orientation so medyo  nakakakaba. Hindi kasi masyadong inexplain, tinamad pa pagdating sa likodng checklist. At sobrang dami ng oobserbahan grabe. Andami pa namang assigned precincts per volunteer sa voting center namin dahil kaunti lang kami, eh samin pa naman ang pinakamaraming presinto. Parang gusto ko na nga magpalipat na lang dun sa lima lang ang presinto eh. haha. Anyway, ayun binigyan kaming t-shirt, which is nakakatuwa sa pakiramdam kasi parang reward na yun ng pagpunta ko ngayon at nakaka-motivate siya at the same time. Kaya paglabas ko kanina, nasabi ko sa sarili ko na oo, darating pa rin yung tatamarin ako at for sure sa Monday kabadong kabado ako, pero pag nalagpasan ko to, ibig sabihin marami pa akong mas kayang gawin. Yung pag-volunteer ko sa PPCRV ng mag-isa ay di biro dahil alam ko sa sarili ko na lumalabas na ako sa comfort zone ko. Pero sabi nga ni Fr. Egay ba yun, kung hindi tataya walang mapapala. So eto, itnataya ko ang sarili ko .. pag nakaya ko to I can do more! :) At plano ko rin na sumali pa sa mga organization, kasi nakakatuwa ang sarap sa pakiramdam, at marami pang nakikilala. At sana maging daan ito para maging sociable na ko (asa pa ko. LOL) God bless sa Election 2013! 

#White Vote

#BUHAY PARTYLIST

“Every reader knows the feeling. You are walking through a bookstore, completely overwhelmed. There is so much to read. Covers and titles taunt you from the shelves, all clamoring for your attention — and your wallet. Some books you have heard of. Others leap out at you for the first time. That is when the daydream kicks in: what if I could just take anything I wanted?”


#it happens all the time
#i'm a self-confessed book addict

Minsan parang ang natitira na lang na masarap gawin ay ang maglaslas....

....kaso  mahirap magtanggal ng peklat. :/ baka pag nag-apply ako ng trabaho akalain nilang adik ako o may sira sa utak .... 

Nasagot agad ang post ko. Grabe. :)

tinatamad ako. marami akong gustong gawin tulad ng manood ng movie, gumawa ng mother's day card, mag post dito sa blog kaso tinatamad talaga ako. ni hindi nga gumagana ang utak ko kaya eto tuma-tagalog ako ngayon. inaantok na ko pero ayoko pang matulog. tinatamad din ako. parang andami kong gustong gawin na andami ring ayoko. hindi ko alam kung pagod ako ..parang di naman. or,  physically di ako pagod pero mentally and emotionally oo. pagod na ko sa mga taong nakapaligid sakin, mapa-kilala ko man o hindi. sana tulad na lang ako ni joy lee sa palabas na missing you na ayaw na ng bad memories .... na psssuuunng! wala na. kaso hindi eh. alam kong ako yung taong hindi madaling makalimot. na bawat kaliit liitang detalye naaalala ko. kaya lagi akong nasasaktan eh. masyado akong magpahalaga sa mga bagay na dapat di naman. dapat di ako maging emosyonal pero  eto ... yung post ko tungkol sa pagiging tamad ko nauwi sa pag-e-emote. nakakainis. naaasar ako sa sarilil ko. hay. ewan. matutulog o hindi matutulog? amp. feeling ko kasi pag natulog ako makukulangan na ko sa oras. hay. andami kong frustration sa buhay. gusto ko ng magkatrabaho para di ako sinusumbatan ng mga magulang ko sa obligasyon nila sakin. gusto ko ng magbago ang ugali ko kaso nauuwi pa rin ako sa pagiging bipolar (feeling ko bipolar ako. walang basagan ng trip). gusto ko magbago  ng image, gumanda at mag improve kaso wala eh ganun pa rin pangit pa rin ako at mahirap mag ayos pag walang pera. nakakainis  na buhay to. sana sa ibang tao na lang binigay to di pa nasayang. hay. ano ba .... kailan ba ako magbabago? nakakainis talaga. i hate myself so much!

I had another nightmare just this morning. It was him. ... and it was not a good dream with him. I don't know what exactly it wants to tell me, but I can remember every detail ... which sucks. I hope I won't remember because ... it hurts. Seeing him, holding him as if it were true, feeling  his skin and his body makes it all seem real. Real to the extent that the man I am with in that dream is the man I didn't love, the man who dumped me, the man who haven't stood for me. He kept on telling me to spill out the truth but I don't know to whom. And the worst part? When he tells me how they love each other so much. :/

Of course upon waking up I was so anxious that  don't want to go back in bed again. I don't want to close my eyes and sleep anymore, which is so ridiculous. Anyway, I prayed, and I asked God not to cross our paths anymore,  and I mean  it so much. I don't want to see him  anymore. I don't want to get hurt anymore. Not now that I'm ok, that I have already recovered. I want to be free, and I don't want to dream about him ever again ... :'(

I had a great experience yesterday. I've realized that applying by myself isn't a bad thing, so I shouldn't be fearful about it. Anyways ..... I successfully had my PhilHealth number with 3months deposit worth P450.00 (luckily I brought my money. hehe) and next month I can start paying for my SSS already! I can feel the fun of being a grown up now! weeeee!!!

I now officially have my own bills to pay. I'll have to earn P15.00 per day for that. wew. I can do it! The next would be ... my passport! :)

We are made for God, and we should live that purpose day by day. --- Martine 

There's no way ... and you know it. He dumped you just like that, which literally means having you out of his life is the happiest thing on earth. Stop it, you're just killing yourself. ~message to myself. :/

at least my name, jerk!

I'm going to register for PhilHealth and go for my SSS account today. :) I pray that this day would be successful with less / NO hassles around. :))) God bless this day!

That's why I love rabbits. :)

GOD. LIFE. WHITE.

#135, BUHAY PARTYLIST

REAL BEAUTY is not what you thought it is.

Rotate and you'll see...

I'm going to Talon Uno later for the PICOS testing ang sealing. My plans weren't as I expected it to be, but it will definitely not stop me from being there! It's another experience, and I love how my last days of vacation are very well spent. :)

 

Lovers of God, Family and Life:

Let us all give our support for the "White Vote Movement".

As of now, the White Vote movement endorsed the following senatorial candidates:

1. Binay, Nancy
2. Ejercito, JV
3. Gordon, Richard
4. Honasan, Gringo
5. Llasos, Marwil
6. Magsaysay, Mitos
7. Pimentel, Koko
8. Trillanes, Antonio
9. Villar, Cynthia
10. Zubiri, Miguel

Let us all give our all-out support for these candiates! Let us all prove to the whole world that Catholics have voice and that the voice of people is the voice of God. Let us forget our disparities and enjoy our similarities! Let's shatter the walls that divide us and hold each other's hands to form unity!

"While divided vote changes nothing, a united vote changes everything"
--> whitevote.org 

GOD bless us all =)

Now I'm an official poll watcher for the upcoming elections next Monday, and I'm a bit nervous and really excited about everything. This would be another experience for me, and I'm happy because I've done it by myself. I mean, I didn't have to rely on anybody just to pursue what I want. Anyways, I won't be receiving any monetary rewards with being a poll watcher. That was so pathetic and sad for other people, but I don't care. I may be called a fool because of my choice to volunteer but as long as I'm happy and no one's in danger with what I'm doing .. I'm  going to do it. I know God's blessings are more than what I could receive from the hands of the people around me. :) I will be working under the PPCRV, which I have long been dreaming of being one of the volunteers. Thank God it's at hand now. On Monday I will be facing another reality, knowing that it would be my first time to vote and to be a poll watcher at the same time. May God be with me as I do the best that I can. :)


Apart from being a volunteer in a nonpartisan organization is my decision to support the White Vote Movement. The PPCRV promotes voting according to conscience, and that is what mine dictates. :) So I hope this post doesn't raise any eyebrows as I declare my heart to promote the White Vote movement's decisions. 

Change is constant. Everything changes every time, we just have to make sure that the change we are for is for the better. :) And let us all ask God to strengthen our faith especially to decisions as big as the election requires. All for the glory of our Lord, Jesus Christ!

I've thought about it a while ago. What if we'd meet somewhere and he'd try to speak with me? For some reason, I think I will go speechless because I will be very busy stopping my eyes in dropping the first tear that will lead a thousand others. I should not let my eyes speak for my heart and my mouth. :/

High school friends like no other!

Kahapon nakipagkita ako sa mga kaibigan kong sina Marosa at Tine. Nung una nilang sinabi na May 3 kami magkikita kita grabe sa isip ko "agad-agad?!" ... di ako prepared. Yung regalo ko kasi sa kanila di pa dumarating. Pero syempre limitado lang ang pagkakataon so kailangan i-grab ang opportunity. Nung una parang malabo pa kasi walang maayos na communication, pero insistent sila sa date. So eto na ... May 2 ng gabi pinag-iisipan ko nanaman kung tutuloy ba ko o hindi .. tinatamad kasi ako. haha. Pero nag-prepare na rin ako kasi sayang talaga ang pagkakataon. Kinabukasan prepared na ako ... aba nagtext bigla na di na tuloy kasi masama pakiramdam ni Mars. Ilang oras ang nakalipas ... kung kailan naka-set na ang katawan ko na di aalis ng bahay ... aba nagtext tuloy na daw ulit. Edi nagulantang ako kasi hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko kay Mama para payagan uli akong umalis matapos kong bawiin nung umaga. Buti pumayag. Nagkita-kita kami sa ATC, nasa J.Co daw si Mars eh di ko naman alam kung san dun kasi di ko kabisado ang ATC. Hirap pa kasi kami ni Tine parehong globe na walang pang-other net na text ... sun si Mars kaya ayun. Nakapagpaload naman si Tine kaya naitext si Mars bago pa man niya maisip na mag-back out ulit. haha. Saka ko lang naisip na pwedeng magtanong sa guard kung san ang J.Co. hay. Nung papunta na ko dun nasalubong ko si Mars. :))) 

Nagtambay muna kami sa tapat ng Cinemas, nag-asaran at nagkwentuhan ng maya-maya dumating si Tine na dumagdag lang sa ingay namin ni Mars. So yun kumpleto na kami. :) Kumain kami sa foodcourt, sa may Chowking. Tapos mula 3pm hanggang 9 nagkwentuhan lang kami dun. Na-realize na lang namin yung oras nung gabi na, naglalakad kami sa labas papunta sana ng Molito. Nagtanong sila ng oras sakin, sabi ko past 9 na ata. Ayaw pa nila maniwala, kesyo sira daw relo ko o advanced masyado. Tapos pagkakita nila sa phone .. ayun! Mga adik akala nila mga 7 or pa-8 pa lang! hahaha! 

Nagpunta kami ng Mercury para bumili sana kaso sarado for inventory. Kumain na lang kami sa Jollibee, sagot ni Tine kasi may bonus daw siyang 5k. :) Kinain niya Jolly Hotdog, ako fries at Flip Float, si Mars Spag and Chicken (wala lang gusto ko lang sabihin mga in-order namin. haha). Tapos bumili ako saglit sa Pan de Manila. Paglabas ko tense na tense na si Mars kasi pinagagalitan na siya ... almost 10pm na kasi. Bumili muna kami ng siopao sa 7-11 pang gatepass niya. hahaha. Pati sa pagtawid halata na tense na talaga si Mars wala na sa sarili grabe. Sa Mercury Moonwalk na lang kami bumili, buti bukas pa. Di ko pa nagamit yung suki card ko. :( 

Ang saya ng araw kahapon grabe. Kahit antagal na naming nagkwentuhan parang bitin pa rin. Alam mo yun. Syempre sa tagal naming di nagkikita kita, expected na parang awkward moments ... pero sa kanila hindi. Sobrang saya as in wagas na wagas. Andami naming napag-usapan .. parang good for one year na. Tsaka bawat topic relate lahat .. yung walang nale-left behind. Astig talaga. Kaya mahal na mahal ko yung dalawang yun eh. :) Nakakatuwa pa sa kanila, pinakikinggan nila ang kwento ko .... ang saya lang. Mga kaibigan ko talaga sila. Sana ganun din ang tingin nila sakin... 

Yung gift ko, hindi ko naibigay sa paraang nais ko sana. Hahaha. Si Tine kasi tuwing magkikita kami lagi tinitignan bag ko .. di na tuloy surprise. pero ok lang kasi hinihintay ko pa rin yung gift ko sa kanila talaga. :) Siya rin pala may prepared gift, nilagay niya sa bag nung nasa Jollibee kami. 

Nakita namin si Ivy sa ATC, yung senior officer namin dati sa CAT. Pati si Sir .... Sir ... (ano nga ba yun?) ... ah .... Sir JP! PEro ang totoo di ako ang nakakita silang dalawa. Nasalubong daw namin sa ilalim ng overpass sa Moonwalk habang nag-jaywalking kami. hahaha. 

Ang saya pa kasi parang kami lang tao sa food court. Tapos alam mo yun yung andun lang kami pero ok na. Ang saya na. Eh ano pa pag may ginawa kaming mas masaya diba. Grabe lang. Naka-ilang palit na ng tao kami andun pa rin. Adik lang. hahahaha. Tapos tawa kung tawa. Grabe talaga. tapos nakakatouch si Tine, andami niyang memories na naaalala tungkol saming dalawa. At si Mars ... nakakatuwa na close kami til now. Grabe ang saya talaga nila kasama ... wagas lang. 

Buti na lang, natuloy ang usapan. Hinding hindi ko ito malilimutan ,,.... at isa ito sa mga memories na forever kong ite-treasure. Sa susunod na magkikita kita kami, dapat marunong na kaming magluto. :) at sa mga darating pang hinaharap, malalaman namin kung sino samin,  kung ako nga ba ... ang mauunang magka-anak at magiging signal kay Mars na sumunod na at magiging signal kay Tine (daw) na sumunod na rin. Huh! Baka mauna pa sila.. single ako eh. hahhahahaha! Ayoko sana magka-anak, pero pag naiisip ko na big time magiging ninang eh.. why not diba. hahahhaha!

Ang sarap magkaroon ng kaibigang tulad nila. Sayang, at wala akong naging kaibigan sa CDW. Anyway di ko naman dapat ikalungkot yun. At least alam ko na meron pa rin akong friends, yung talagang friends. Magkikita kita pa kami uli, at alam ko na marami pang pagkakataon na magiging bahagi ng buhay kami ng bawat isa. 

Ang sarap magkaroon ng mga kaibigan. :))) I miss my high school days!

I WILL BE THERE! - @The Vatican Library, Rome, Italy

A very nice thought to live by eh?! 
Life doesn't stop for anybody, so stop attaching yourself to anything. 
Attachment causes suffering.
No matter how hard you try to keep everything, they will all soon leave you behind.
So, why bother?
(:
~~~~

I've just finished downloading and editing "OUR" songs ... and ... I missed him. 

It's so late already, I only have two hours utmost for sleep. I'd better get in bed now or I'll regret it tomorrow. :) Anyway, what I did helped me (at least) so .... it's still worth it. :) I'm just checking how far I've moved on since. :) 

Good mornyt! :D