*MORNINGS ... 

'coz you won't be there ... 

*PEOPLE

'coz they are not you. ! 

GA ♥ we'll find our way back.

BOOKS = E.S.C.A.P.E

I'm currently reading The Time Traveler's Wife and I was about to finish it ... so I've decided to slow down reading because I'm not yet ready to close the book knowing that I still haven't had a next one to read. 

Anyway, it was such an amazing book. The author's so awesome, I can't imagine myself thinking the way she  do. 

So as you can see, reading had been my life (again) after he has gone. I missed reading books so much, but I miss him more. Well, if you're going to make me choose between reading and spending my time with him ... I'd better do the latter and invite him to the the former, knowing that he also loves to read books. I remembered when we went to the National Library. That was such an incredible and lovely memory. :')

So ... reading had been one of my e.s.c.a.p.e from reality. It had driven me away from sad thoughts, from unnecessary heartaches I should be feeling right now. When I'm reading, I tend to forget about what I am undergoing and I enjoy myself as I dive into the marvelous stories I am in. It was just .. amazing. Everything. I really love books, my diary and this blog as well. It really helps. I don't feel alone much also. I have friends, though not one who would hug me and cry with me. It didn't matter. I don't need people around if they don't want to. :)

I'm ok. I mean, I'm hurt but it's not like before that I feel dying. No hurt feelings, though I admit that I wasn't really happy. Well, I'm taking my time to actually heal from this hurt and be free. For now, I'm enjoying myself by picking up the pieces, one by one, and living just like how I used to be before, but in a more improved way. I have learned a lot of things with the past event and you know what? I'm less bitter. I don't even feel that bad much. 

Just like the first time you left me .... do I have to deal with it for another 5 months or maybe for a lifetime???

It was you GA. None other than you. Now, I have no tomorrow to look forward to ... :'(

You told me you'd stay, but you gave me up like everyone else .... :(

I'm so sorry that I've became too dependent on you. But swear, you're my only happiness. After you left me, I can't find out what happiness really is. I was like in the most beautiful dream and then immediately crashes in a nightmare where I got stuck with and then I end up waking up feeling the sorrow brought about by that sad premonition. I should have known that you're leaving. I should have known that you don't love me anymore. ,...

You're still the best part of my life. I will never forget you. I miss you so much. 

Before ... 

When I hear our songs, the songs that we used to sing and listen together ... I feel madly, deeply, in love with you ... in short, I feel infinite.

Now ... 

When I hear those songs, I suffer inside, my heart bleeds, my chest contracts as I remember every single thing that happened to us behind those songs. 

I miss you so bad Ga. This is not the ending we've promised to each other. I'll make a way to make things better. We'll end up good, I swear to you. I love you from east to west of the earth. I love you infinitely. I'm letting you go because I want you to be happy. Anyway, I still hope and pray that someday, we'll end up again together ... 

It must be difficult to let go of something so beautiful.

Yes, it is. That's why I never want to let you go. But then, you did let go of me, and that's when I knew I was never 'something so beautiful' to you. Anyway, it doesn't change anything. Still, you're the best part of my life, and if you're going to 'happen' to me again, I guess I'll take it without hesitance. 

Ga, I will always love you. You have occupied a great space in my heart, which I know, that would take a lifetime before someone or something else could replace you there. I might be hurt but I don't feel too bad anymore. I know someday we'll find our way to be together. Remember, after everything .... we'll end up together. I'm still holding on to that promise of yours. 

I love you forever ga. ♥ I'm always praying for you. I hope you're good. I know you're happy now. Thanks for the memories. 

This is not what it is supposed to be ,...

This. :/ for you GA. T_T

That very moment when I realized you're moving away. I know that you'll do this ... I know how weak you are, and I know that you cannot handle any promise you've made. But I still believe in you. I still trust you. I still love you. 

it's only you, GA.

I fell in love and is still falling in love with your everything. ♥ 

GA, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY POGIEST LOVER FOREVER!

yeah right?!

I'm so tired of begging for you to stay. Now that you chose to stay AWAY, then, I have nothing left to do but let you fly. Anyway, it doesn't matter. I'll still live my life without you. You're not a loss.

I still believe ... in LOVING YOU!

I'd sing to you all our songs Ga.

When I get older, losing my hair, many years from now

Will you still be sending me a valentine, birthday greetings, bottle of wine?

If I'd been out 'til quarter to three, would you lock the door?

Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I'm sixty-four?

You'll be older too

Ah, and if you say the word, I could stay with you

I could be handy, mending a fuse when your lights have gone

You can knit a sweater by the fireside, Sunday mornings, go for a ride

Doing the garden, digging the weeds, who could ask for more?

Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I'm sixty-four?

Every summer we can rent a cottage

In the Isle of Wight if it's not to, dear

We shall scrimp and save

Ah, grandchildren on your knee, Vera, Chuck and Dave

Send me a postcard, drop me a line stating point of view

Indicate precisely what you mean to say, yours sincerely wasting away

Give me your answer, fill in a form, mine forever more

Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I'm sixty-four?

Would you believe that I don't miss him right now?

It's unfair.

It's only you ga!

I remembered before, he used to tell me that I never get out of his mind. He always want me to know that he keeps thinking of me wherever he is and whatever he is doing. But now ... everything has changed. He never uttered the exact words but his actions showed to me the real thing ... that now, I don't even cross his mind. It hurts. It really hurts. 

I miss the old days. They're not too old for you to forget. :/

... the steps that I'll have to take

Prelim exams next week. Oh well, everything's light this semester (again) and it bothers me. Really. Does this mean I have to expect fourth year to be on it's hardest? NO!!!!

Anyway, I'm not pressured for next week. It's just that ... I've realized that I'll have to work a little harder this time, especially that distractions are already out of my way. So I have to persevere, focus and .... work for better grades at the end of this sem. :D

After next week, I'll just have to work on the two coming terms and then another one year (two semesters, 6 terms) and then .... I'm finally FREE!!!!! :DDDDD

I'm giving you up, and I promise I'll get up.

I will miss the hugs, ga. :(