11.11.11

I have no special memories with November 11, but with the number '11' itself, I have. Whenever I see this number, I remember one person - YEN.

The memorable dates:

August 11, 2006 ... the day we first met.

August 11, 2007 ... the day it all started.

August 4, 2008 ... the 'ruined day'

August 11, 2007 ... my first struggle (LOL)

Well, I would want to try not to sound too funny about this thing, I want to be serious but ... it's just funny to remember stuffs like this. I mean, it's been years .. and still ... I haven't moved on about everything. I might be the most stupid person, but yeah .. I can't forget every single detail about us. 

I have three special songs for him after we broke up, and I've remembered those just now. 

LEAVING YESTERDAY BEHIND

Since you left me, I never really tried
To put my life to where it should belong
And I've always let the past gone by
I'm realizing that it could be wrong

But now I fin'lly knew
I had to let it go
To make way for a brighter tomorrow

So now I'm leavin' yesterday behind
And fin'lly I've made up my mind
So let the mem'ries stay away
And think about today
I'm leavin' yesterday behind
'Cause now I'll try to live my life once more
 The way I did before

Since I know that I never will forget
The memories that made my yesterday
I will try not to let it interfere
The choices I will make along the way

'Cause I'm not livin' in a world of fantasy
I'm here now in the world of reality

So now I'm leavin' yesterday behind
And fin'lly I've made up my mind
So let the mem'ries stay away
And think about today
I'm leavin' yesterday behind
'Cause now I'll try to live my life once more
Just the way I did before

PAIN IN MY HEART

Here I am alone in this empty room,
And let my mind just fly you to the end.
Thoughts of you still linger in my memory
Wondering why my life is not that fair.

I could still recall, those memories of you,
The joy and all your laughter,
The love that we've been through.
Oh I can't believe, you're gone...

I don't want to remember,
The things we used to do,
All the things that remind me of you.
I don't want to hear those songs,
Those songs we used to sing,
'Cause I don't wanna feel the pain in my heart
Talkin' to my self, for reasons I can't find.
Findin' out why everything went wrong.
Tears fallin' down on my cheeks,
That I've been tryin' to hold.
I just dunno if I could still go on.

I wanted you to stay,
The tears began to show,
You said you care for me,
But then you have to go
And now I know, you're gone.

I just can't believe, you're gone...

EACH PASSING NIGHT

Each passing night
I try and close my eyes
But thoughts of you
They wake me up
And tear me inside out

Each passing night
I ask myself who's right
And try to find the reasons why
It had to end that night

Didn't we share each other's dreams
We held each other tight
And tears fell from my eyes
As you walked and left me here
Like the wind you passed me by
I try but I can't see
If it's something that I said
Baby please won't you tell me now
'Cause it gets harder each passing night

I often pray
That you'd come back and stay
We've had too much together
To ever live a part
I'll wait and see
'Cause I know and I believe
Someday you'll come to realize
What you and I can be

Then we'll share each other's dreams
We'll held each other tight
Kiss the tears that burn my eyes
'Cause you walked and left me here
Like the wind you passed me by
I try but I can't see
If it's something that I said
Baby, please won't you tell me now
'Cause it gets harder each passing night

I never meant to hurt your heart this way
Sooner or later
There'd be someone else who'd stay

Thinking about how I used to be foolish makes me laugh at myself. And the funnier thing was, still I am the same girl right now who's madly, deeply, crazily in love with him. It sucks. I just hate myself for loving him this much. But I am thankful, for I have been realizing lately what reality has been revealing to me for too long. And yes, I promise, I would open my eyes so wide soon. It's just that I am so afraid to face what's real, that he's gone and he's never ever gonna be mine. Now, I am slowly seeing things as they really are, and I am trying to help myself recover from being blind. I have to accept everything, that's what I should do. 

But for now, excuse me for not letting go of my past. It's not that easy, but I promise I would very soon. :)