I'd look forward for it. :)

Chemistry. If you have chemistry, you only need one other thing– timing. But timing is a bitch.

— Robin Scherbatsky (How I Met Your Mother)

MY LIFE ......... IS A NIGHTMARE ............ FOR TWO MONTHS .......................... UNTIL WHEN ????????????????

Lahat tayo may hangganan. Parang ako, hanggang sayo lang. :) ~ 

So many times are wasted without you ...... :'(

As for me, it would take infinity before I can put myself back together ....

Charlie: Why do nice people choose the wrong people to date? 
Bill: We accept the love we think we deserve. 
~~
Charlie: Can we make them know they deserve more? 
Bill: We can try. 

The exact words I've told myself last August 3, 2012 .....

YES, HE IS. AND I SWEAR I'D DO ANYTHING JUST TO HIDE ALL THOSE BAD THINGS HE HAD DONE AND STILL DOING. IT'S NOT WHAT SHOULD DEFINE HIM. HE'S A REALLY GOOD MAN, AND I KNOW IT. I KNOW IT BY HEART. HE'S JUST OUT OF CONTROL. AND BESIDES, HE HAD DONE NOTHING WRONG TO ANYONE BUT ME. HE'D NEVER DO IT IF I DIDN'T EXIST. I'M THE ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYTHING .... 

sHiT.

BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT A PART OF IT ANYMORE .....

~soooo high school. :D

I DON'T KNOW..
BUT ONE THING'S FOR SURE ... 

Kung maaalala mong mahal kita, balik ka lang. Mamahalin pa rin kita. :">


Ga ........... kalimutan mo na lahat ng ala alang meron tayo ... wag lang yung katotohanan na noon, hanggang ngayon at sa marami pang bukas ... mahal pa rin kita. Ikaw lang, wala ng iba. 

Balik ka lang, MAMAHALIN PA RIN KITA ............ 

I thought I did accepted it, but I was so wrong. I wish I could admit to myself that you ... you are now just a part of my yesterday, a past that cannot be changed, never forgotten and erased. It hurts whenever I tell that fact to myself. I cannot ACCEPT it, and that's my biggest problem. And now, I'm hurt. Only a brain damage might help me right now .... so I could never ever think of you anymore. I wish ... I really wish that you and our memories would be deleted in my mind ..forever. Wish I could, wish I might. 

Exhausted. :/

I don't know exactly why I feel this way. But thank God, He answered my prayers right away. 

Is this really is it? 

That wishing for both of our good would result to a pain that only my blades can stop hitting inside my heart?? 

I'M SORRY FOR THAT, BUT I'M TIRED OF LIES AND USED TO INSULTS.

ACCEPT IT. RIGHT NOW. HE'S NEVER COMING BACK, AND HE DOESN'T DESERVE A COME BACK EITHER.

I've browsed some of my older posts in 2012 ... and I end up crying. The hurt was not here, though I pity myself for loving a man who doesn't even care. I'll get through this one day. And if we'll ever meet again, I'd swear he'd see how wonderful I've been without him .... 

Seriously.

But I don’t care about just anyone. 
I care about you.
And I wonder if you think of me even half as much as I think of you… 

We should love, not fall in love. Because everything that falls, gets broken.

— Taylor Swift

And that's when I knew our relationship is not valuable at all to you. Is there any relationship in the first place?

I woke up at 9am and resisted the urge to turn on the computer. So I've read a book and do some jigsaw puzzle. I don't know what's with me, that here I am now ... typing and browsing the internet. 

Lately, I've noticed that I'm becoming too attached with my computer. It's as if my day isn't complete without seeing its radiance in front of me. I am fortunate because I have been aware of it immediately. Now, I have to think of ways on how to stop myself clinging to this too much.

Like I've said earlier, I do reading and jigsaw-puzzling. Other than that, my life is a total boredom. I wish I had someone to talk to. Someone whom I can openly tell what the hell was going on with my life. Though I'm living normally and a bit happily right now, it seems my days tend to be colorless as it passes by. The problem, of course, was always with me. 

It's not hard (for everyone I suppose) to find someone whom he could share anything with. It's different with me. After the first and last man I've entrusted my whole life with, I don't know and I'm not planning of doing the same ever again. Not just because I fear the judgment, or the gossips. What I fear most is what it could possibly bring about .... attachment. I am preventing myself in building deeper relationships again. And I've just realized how poor a person I am, and how coward I am to decide that way. If only there would be someone who's willing to break these chains around me and make me feel that I'm free to speak and he's there to listen and comfort me and be with me. Fortunately, there's none. And I end up each day having only my computer, and you, blog ... to be with me in my happiest and most difficult times .... 

places i want to be with YOU before i die. :) #93

GA, THIS PLACE.IT SHOULD BE ON YOUR BIRTHDAY. ... WILL IT EVER HAPPEN ??? 

a matter of no choice.