I just love this blog. (click on the title) I was searching for photos about being depressed .. because lately, I have been going through it again. And then I stumbled here .. and know what? It was really nice. Yeah. posts are triggering .. but captions are inspiring. It helps .. not too much but at least it helps relieve something inside. The messages actually made me cry. It's as if God was talking to me, as if He's telling me that someone out there cares and loves me .. and it's none other than Him. I am near to giving up again ... making plans of punishing myself for being such a stupid gal. I hate myself so much .. and I don't know how will I face tomorrow. I want to hide. I am ashamed. I am a total trash.
What's good also is that whenever these things ran on my mind .. many people suddenly appear .. people who are not expected to comment and message me .. that I can. That I am strong. That the "I" they knew doesn't give up. If only they really know. If only I could tell them. But I know they won't understand. They will only judge me. .. and that's what I fear.
I don't like this feeling of emptiness.. loneliness.. being depressed. It swallows me whole .. I can't breathe. I barely see light. I only see myself .. alone in darkness .. struggling against something or someone I don't see .. but I feel. I feel .. the hatred .. the anger .. for myself. I hate myself so much .. I am worthless .. I am nothing but a big trash in the lives of those that I care about. If only I'd die .. their burdens will be lighter. I hate myself ... so much.
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