Seminar Day 2

So ... I guess I'll have to attend the seminar all by myself. Wala man lang kahit kausap. Sana lang umattend yung si Joyce para kahit papano. Well, thank God di naman ako tulad nung asa picture. Mabuti  na lang natutunan ko ng mahalin ang pag-iisa. Noon halos mabaliw baliw ako pag wala akong kasama. Haha. Ang galing talaga ni Lord no. Yung weak point ko noon ginawa Niyang strength ko ngayon. :) kaya malaya akong nagagawa ang mga gusto kong gawin, kasi hindi ko na kailangan pang umasa sa iba pasa sa katuparan ng mga iyon. :) hindi naman dapat mag-isa ang tao, pero kailangan nating tandaan na hindi sa lahat ng panahon may anjan ang mga taong kailangan natin. minsan kailangan din nating tanggapin na may mga bagay na tayo... tayo lang mag-isa ang makakagawa. at may mga pagkakataon sa buhay na hindi dahil wala tayong kasama eh dapat na tayong sumuko. :) --- confession mamaya! :) Ligo na ko. God bless!

dramabels.

Kanina, hindi ako dinadapuan ng antok. Nakinig na ko ng music, nahiga, nakapikit.... pero wala pa rin. Ang lakas ng urge na mag online at magpost sa blog. Sabagay, medyo emotional ako kanina. Namumugto pa nga hanggang ngayon ang mga mata ko. Andami kong iniisip. Mga tao. Mga malalapit, mga malalayo ang loob, pero nakakasalamuha ko. Mga taong parte ng buhay ko. Mga taong sinaktan ako, mga taong pinasaya ako. Mga taong ayaw kong mawala pero umalis. Mga taong anjan lang sa tabi ko pero di ko pinapansin. 

Ang hirap ma-attach sa tao. Ang hirap kumawala. Paano kaya nagagawa ng iba na basta na lang kalimutan ang mga taong naging bahagi ng buhay nila? Kasi ako.. kahit anong pilit ko, sadyang napakahalaga ng mga tao sa buhay ko. Hindi man ako sumagi sa isip nila, hindi man ako mahalaga sa buhay nila ... pero ewan ko ba kung bakit pagdating sakin parang mga kayamanan sila. Grabe. Di ko magets ang sarili ko. Ultimo taong sinaktan ako ng todo mahalaga pa rin. Pero ngayon tinuturuan ko na ang sarili ko na magpigil ng nararamdaman, ng pagiging emosyonal. Lagi kong pinaaalala sa isip ko na dapat di ko sila isipin dahil di naman nila ako iniisip. Na dapat wag ako masyadong magpahalaga lalo sa mga alaala, wag ko masyadong alalahanin ang mga magagandang ginawa  nila para di ako nagiging emosyonal. Ang lahat ng tao, dumadaan lang. Makakalimutan ka pag wala ka na sa sirkulasyon ng buhay nila, o kaya kapag di ka na kailangan. Kailangan kong tigasan ang sarili ko. Kailangan matuto na ko.

Ayan, nakapag-post na ko, at inaantok na ko. Good mornight na. Sana ... sana di na ko magising ... para wala na ang lahat ng alaala at sakit na dala ng kahapon ..... ~~~

This.. is what I've learned today. #2

"Be careful what you wish for 'coz you just  might get it ..."

A wonderful quote that I didn't believe until I  have proven it myself. One day I prayed to God to take me to the right path, to keep me away from bad people, and you know what? A LOT OF THEM WERE SUDDENLY GONE IN MY LIFE. I was really saddened but eventually my life became lighter, happier and I became freer after they've been gone ... ~~~~

This.. is what I've learned today. #1

I was once a woman who can't be moved....

Before I sleep, I want to share this stupid yet unforgettable-but-should-be-forgotten memory of mine. It happened last December 17, 2012. It was our scheduled Christmas party in school, but instead of going there, I went to Makati without the knowledge of anyone else. It was really my plan not to attend the party, but my purpose was changed since the man I have loved had already dumped me. But since we haven't had an official break up that time, I am still after seeing him for a formal closure. Few days before the said date, my love and I were talking about what we would do that day since I was really planning to meet him instead of spending my time in school. He said that he will be in Makati in the morning and he will be waiting there for me. But that's not the main reason, because we could actually meet up on some other places. Well, he had his duty on his office, so I would be the one who will go there to pick him up. 

Then it was the 17th day of December. I woke up early, I didn't even have time to eat breakfast because I want to get there as early as I can. I don't know the exact time he will be there or if he'll ever be there in the first place, but since I was really blinded by the love that I feel for him, I took all my chances to be there. I thought to myself that time, if I would not do anything, I won't see him again. So that was it. 

To add spice to my adventure, it was my FIRST TIME to go to Makati ALONE. I relied on the instructions my father had told me months before and on how my love described his travel to his office building when we were still ok. Thank God, I have successfully arrived at the place. 

That time I was scared, because I don't know anyone or any place there. I stood on the adjacent street, just in front of their building but I was two roads away. I can clearly see the entrance of the building and the people that go in and out there. I was there at 7 in the morning. On my right and left were streets which I think would be the only way he will be from, so from time to time I look both sides. I had with me all his stuff, including his 12 packs of gels (which I have bought for him because he asked of it), the belt I've bought a day before as a Christmas gift for him and his computer hard wares. It was so heavy, my shoulders and neck have nearly got stiff. I cannot bring it down because the traffic enforcers and police might think I was by standing there. Well, I'm actually spying. 

I wasn't moving on my place until the sun had shone on my side at 9AM. I have endured the sunlight until 10:30AM. When I felt sweat rush down my neck, I went to the other side of the street, right in front of their office building! There I stood for more minutes. I don't want to give up if only I wasn't mistaken as a prostitute or a beggar or whatsoever by his friend, whom I know but do not know me. I've tried to approach him and ask for his friend, and if he will say he wasn't around, I'd just leave his belongings to him, but sad to say, he just stared at me like saying, "hey, it's already morning, you should be wandering the streets at night, prosti". (For clarifications, I wasn't wearing a very sexy outfit. I'm just on my jeans and a formal red blouse. But how he looked at me and how he ignored me tells the exact things. I know it.)

I know that I was one of the most stupid people around the globe. If you'd ask me if I regret doing such a thing, my answer is a big NO! Well, it really is funny, I admit. I am laughing at myself as I have remembered that when I've read the lyrics of The Man Who Can't Be Moved just a while ago. But then, being stupid because of love isn't a funny thing though. And it shouldn't be regretful because I have acted and reacted in line with what I am undergoing that time. The pain and the love have mixed that I am near to hallucinations, it was like I'll be having a nervous breakdown. If I haven't done it, I don't think it will be easier for me to accept what happened. It had helped me in some way. 

I'm proud to say that for once in my life, I became a woman who can't be moved. Mistaken to be broke, but actually heart-broken. If I'd do it again? Of course not! I've learned my lessons. I think the next time I'll not move, I'd be on the tomb. hahahha! Sweet dreams!

btw, this is a great song :)

Both songs took my sleepiness away .. ~~~

Yung feeling na.....

... gusto mo mag-selfie kaso ampangit mo sa picture no matter what. #ouch!

Irresistible. XD

Procrastination AHEAD!

It wasn't like I am really procrastinating. It's just that, all of the things that I have to do came at the same time,  and no matter how I try to do one of them so it will be lessened, it seems that nothing changes. So here I am, wondering how would I finish all of this today. :) But of course I am not discouraged, because I know I can do it, with God beside me. :)) Praying for a blessed day for all of us! AMEN!

...'coz I was once a suicidal ... ~~~

note to self:

KALANDIAN mode. XD

Yung feeling na kahit mahal nyo pa ang isa't-isa,
kailangan nyo nang maghiwalay.

Ang LOVE ay parang buhol- buhol na sinulid.
 Kapag di mo na kayang ayusin, kailangan mo ng PUTULIN.

Kung mahal ka niya, babalik siya? No.
Kung mahal ka talaga niya, una pa lang hindi ka na niya iiwan.

Hindi man tayo para sa isa't isa,
atleast dumating yung araw na sumaya ako at nakilala kita.

Hindi mo naman kailangan mahirapan,
minsan kasi ayaw mo lang talaga bitawan kaya lalo kang nasasaktan.

This is why I love studying. Studying ROCKS! \m/

So, yeah. You're reading it right. I have a lot of videos to watch tonight until Wednesday. I've been downloading it for 3 1/2 hours now. 

1.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_jIGfSPaWM&feature=share

2.) 

These two videos were posted last July 11, I think right after our class. I didn't know how important that I should start now until one of my classmates told me earlier this afternoon that one of the videos is actually almost 4 hours! So upon arriving home, I have cancelled some of my schedules and started downloading the stuff. Now, if you'll ask me why I downloaded it instead of just watching it directly on Youtube, of course I have my reasons.

a. I would save a lot of time if I'll download it, because if I watch it directly, I will have to wait for hours for loading the video and the interruptions will cause great inconvenience especially in understanding the topics.

b. You'll say that I am wasting my time now from downloading, but you're wrong. While I am downloading the videos, I am doing some other commitments and assignments (of my sister and mine) and I'm able to post just like now.

c. I can watch it anytime, anywhere in our house if I download it. I don't need to connect to the internet which would make it easier for me.

d. I want to keep a copy of the video, for future purposes. :)

So there are more than 4 hours for both videos, but a while ago, this was added to the lists:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rcNCB3cqTg&feature=youtu.be

So all in all, I'll have to sit and watch and study and evaluate the three videos for a total of 5 hours! Not to mention the added hours for reading related literature about the topics! And what's even more exciting is that I have 2 remaining days to do this! whoa!!!!

(the days were not a problem if I'm not as busy as I am now.)

BUT before you expect a bunch of complaints from me, read, understand and believe this first: I AM GRATEFUL AND SO HAPPY ABOUT THIS. Knowing that I have a lot of things to do, a lot of things to learn, and an opportunity to read some more for added knowledge is just way too exciting! I can't explain how happy I am right now. The pressure just intensify the happiness I am in at this moment! haha! I miss doing a lot of school stuff, not just go to school and kill the hours listening to ... whoever. This is exactly why I love our priest-professors because aside from their kindness, they are real good mentors and we really learn from them! No idle time, which leads to less tempting moments. :) I just love this day. I'm so excited to watch the videos! Thank God for this. :)) 

The story behind the song I've been listening all over again last night. :'(

When I was suicidal..

So what? Do you know what lies behind those cuts that I have? You shouldn't judge me by what you see, because you don't know anything ... 

Yeah, good thing no one asks how I am now, because I'm so tired of lying. 

The whole world says it's not true, but in fact, it is. It's not because I pity myself, but I'm only telling what the world shows me. And that is, it's better off without me.

ALWAYS. 

I can't take it anymore ... ~~~

Look beyond, and please understand, not judge. 

So that's why you've kept the keys .??!

to myself .....

I miss us, GA ... :'(

ALWAYS. :/