It's hard to forget people who left you a lot of songs to remember, right? Well, those people are worth the cherish .. but most of them are bound to leave. Yeah, it hurts but .. it's true. And when you hear those songs you've shared before .. you'll just see yourself reminiscing everything and trying to stop every tear that would fall in you cheek.

Always,

change the date to Nov. 30th.

I remembered the first semester from first year until the first semester in second year. 

Friday is my last tiresome day. 

Saturday is supposed to be my rest day. 

Sunday has been the most stressful day. 

Monday is they day I fear most. 

Tuesday sucks.

Wednesday lowers the tension.

Thursday is the most awaited day. 

Now, it's different. My schedules are a lot more lighter .. and the subjects too. I love it this way. :))

I'm always like this. hahaha!

So True.

Things are possible in dreams.

Try to look beyond what your eyes can see.

Lately, I have been fantasizing about my death. I imagine throwing myself off a high place. I dream of seeing a lot of blood flow out of my veins. I think of swallowing every sleeping pill I have until I won't wake up anymore. Sometimes I see myself doing it at school, sometimes at home. But I more like it to do at school. I want every people there to realize that I've done such thing because of them. No, it's not that i really blame them about everything. I more like blame myself .. that's why I will end up quitting that way. I just want them to see what they want to see. They want me gone, I want myself gone too. 

Each day, I am close to doing it... but when I remember the Lord, I end up throwing the idea out of my head. I wonder if I killed myself, I would still have the privilege to enter heaven. They say I wouldn't. Killing myself is a huge sin. When I think about of taking my life, I fear that I will end up experiencing an everlasting pain in hell. I don't want that. I want to quit because I can't take the pains anymore .. but if I'll undergo more pain after it, it's better to stay here and just do things that would earn me the happiness I have long been wishing for. I'll just have to wait, and while waiting, I'll have to do good things and serve the Lord. That's what I have to do. I should not take something that isn't mine in the first place, which is, my life. 

This motivates me to choose to live. I don't know how far it would go, but I swear .. I would take suicide in the last lists of my options. I will not quit. I will not say never, but I'll try my very best not to.

PLEASE, BE CAREFUL WITH YOUR WORDS.

wonderful. ♥

I wish I had someone like this too.

They are mostly something I don't have the courage to say. :/

I hope it would be better.

will there be someone out there who'd love me no matter what?

I AM HAPPY AT HOME.

I AM TOTALLY RUINED AT SCHOOL.

Last Thursday, my sister told me that she needs to email her project to her teacher. So I tried to open hid email address, but then I failed. I have no other choice but to change her password. The process have not taken that long. At the end of the procedure .. as I was about to celebrate the success of changing to a new password .. something caught my eye. In the upper right side of the window, there is a message box which says, "Ready to move on?". I thought it was something like an advertisement or what ... but it was there for a purpose. .. it was the last button I have to click. Well, other than that .. it also had another purpose ... to literally ask me if I'm ready to move on. hahaha! Life just goes like that. Simple things you thought have nothing to do with you actually have. Yes, I may be translating or interpreting it the other way around .. but what matters is that how it work for me. Well .. I could say that I have moved on now on some other things. When I say I do, I really do. But it took a lot of time and courage to do it. Oh well, at the end of it, thanks for that amazing reminder in yahoo mail. :)))

I have print screen that window but unfortunately it was deleted. :/ But swear this did happened.

I want to burst into tears again. I want to shout. I really wish I have someone to talk to right now. I don't know how long I could take this inside. But whenever I feel sad, there's no one around. Every people seems so distant. No one's interested. No one's ready to listen. No one is good enough to give away comfort. This sucks. This really sucks.

Life is a lot more colorful. :))

Ang pangit ko na nga, lalo pa kong pumangit. Eyebags, tapos umiyak pa ko .. hay. Badtrip naman o! Wala na talaga akong pag-asang gumanda pa!

I AM HURT 

I CRY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

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I HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO

I AM TOTALLY ALONE

EVERYONE HATES ME

Your presence and time means a lot to me.

Titles.

I am really poor at making titles. That's the worst part of everything. Like, when we are instructed to write essays .. I feel very calm when suddenly .. the teacher would remind us that we should put our own titles. That surely ruins my life. I'm really having a hard time in making titles. I don't know, maybe I'm just pressured because they always say that anything with good titles is worth the read .. and I really fear that my work won't even have a single reader because of how poor I am in making titles. Well, this is proven ... look at how worst my titles in this blog are. :/

This is how normally relationships go. .. but I pray that I would meet the man where I'd only experience until the stage of 'boyfriend/girlfriend' and then we'll jump into marriage. I mean ... I would want it to be perfect. I am willing to wait as long as I'd achieve it. It doesn't matter if I'm still single for now .. I'm not in a rush for a relationship. I want it to be sure .. I mean .. I would want it to be finalized. I am really praying for it. ♥

I wish I also knew I'll love you .. it would probably hurt less.

I really wish I knew I will fall for you the first time I saw you. I wish I have felt it. I wish I had the chance to warn and stop myself. I know, it would surely hurt less ... but it won't make my life happier than it is right now.

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I remembered when I was in first year college, we are instructed by our NSTP professor to prepare a speech about anything we want. he just wants us to talk in front. So I've prepared a speech which tackles about chain messages. My introduction was an example of a chain message normally received in cellphones. So in front of the class, I stood while looking at the floor .. and then I faced the audiences, smiled and uttered the words "I LOVE YOU". You know what? The first person my eyes have spotted right after I lift up my head is HIM. I will never ever forget that scenario. Of course, by that time, I haven't taken it as anything but now .. I think it's a sign .. a sign given to me .. a sign telling me that sooner ... I will fall for that guy. And I did. 

I have been warned but I haven't payed attention to it. And so, fate played with me. If you'll ask me if I ever regret loving him .. even if it has caused a lot of pain .. I never ever did. if I felt bad about it .. ? NO. NEVER. It was one of the best chapter in my life. I am thankful that I am so stupid I haven't noticed the signs right away .. I am thankful because I've been too foolish to let myself fall for him ... if those things never did happened .. I won't be this happy. 

Wish I had a time machine
I could make myself go back
Until the day I was born,
And I would live my life again
and rearrange it so that I'll be
Yours from now on.

Some people are nice to you at FIRST..
Always have time for you at FIRST..
Care for you at FIRST..
But why do some people change after a certain time?
Maybe most of the best thing happen only at first, but won't last long.

Im a teenager. I have a messy room. I spend most of my time online. I have private on my phone. I go to bed late & Im crazy about 1 person.

Brace yourself. hahahaha!

Prepare yourself mentally or emotionally for hearing something unpleasant, out of place or inappropriate.

Yeah, really.

Facebook is so wonderful. It never fails to remind you about someone's birthday. .. you know .. it's just .. amazing. I mean, yeah ... people always forget someone's big day, and that is the number one excuse that they haven't greeted. But because Facebook exist, you won't have any escape ... unless you are not an active user. And the funny thing is, those people that aren't that close to you or let's just say, not worth of your greeting .. you happen to wish them a happy birthday at the end of the day. It's like Facebook is motivating you to do so. Well, thanks to Facebook, people feel like they are really important. I mean, in regular scenarios, most people, especially those that are in adulthood stage were very emotional during their important born day because they feel like nobody remembers them. But because of Facebook, it may not be all but at least, more people greets on your wall .. even those that you don't even know personally. 

Well, the bottom line is, ... ah .. just read the photo above. LOL. XD

nanganak na si Czy!!! weeeehheeeeee!!! dadalawin namin siya !!! :))))

may baby na ang barkada!!!! :D

EXPECTING ...

--- is one way of hurting yourself ..
so just go with the flow and enjoy the moment ."

Hindi mo naman kailangan maging perpekto..
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Kailangan mo lang ng taong iintindi sayo at hindi kayang lumayo sa mga oras na sinusumpong ka ng masamang ugali mo >.<

I did nothing the whole day but sleep. I feel sick ... I feel tired .. I'm bored. I hate it when this happens .. when I lose interest on everything.

Pero ang pinakagusto ko sa lahat .. ay makatagpo ng lalaki na magsasabing na-"I can't fight this feeling anymore" siya sa akin at yun ang dahilan bakit niya ko pakakasalan. Sweet right?! :))

My current display picture in Facebook. :) Looks better than my own photo, right?!

May naalala ako. Meron akong .. ah .. teka di ko alam kung kaibigan ko siya pero ... o sige ganito na lang .. meron akong dating kaklase. Tuwing magkatext kami .. nagbobolahan kaming dalawa. Sinasabi niya na payat daw ako, which, alam ko naman na isang malaking kasinungalingan. So ayun na nga. Ako naman . .. sinasabi ko sa kanya na di naman siya mataba tulad ng iniisip niya .. dahil tama lang ang katawan niya para sa height niya .. which is, totoo. So ayun na nga. One time, nagkita kami .. at biniro ko siya na .. "ui, tumataba ka ah .. " Ang totoo niyan ... hindi ko naman ibig sabihin na mataba talaga siya at lalong tumataba sa statement kong yan. May karugtong pa kasi dapat e .. ganito yan o .. "ui, tumataba ka ah .. hiyang ka talaga kay ----". Kaso .. bago ko pa nadugtungan, ayun todo react na siya na nagresulta sa ilang buwan naming di pagkikibuan. Buti na lang .. last month .. naging ok na kami. 

Hay ... pero natatawa lang ako. Lagi niyang sinasabi na mataba siya .. at todo kontra naman ako. Pero nung sinabi kong tumataba siya nagalit siya. Halatang gusto lang makarinig ng magagandang bagay e .. kaya dina-downgrade ang sarili. Hay.

cutting isn't a funny thing. it may appear that people who self-harm is just seeking for attention ... but believe me, it's more than that.

-------,

Masilayan, masulyapan, makita, maaninag, mamasid, matingnan, maisalarawan at masaksihan. Iyan ang nais kong gawin ngayon. Kung pwede lang sana.

            Masaya ako pag kausap kita. Pag naririnig ko ang boses mo, para bang tumitigil bigla ang mundo ko. Kaso hanggang dun na lang yun.

            Lagi kitang naiisip at naaalala. Walang segundo, minuto, oras at araw ang lumilipas na di ka sumasagi sa isip ko. Nababaliw na nga ata ako, pero iyon ang totoo. Alam ko namang hindi kita dapat isipin pero di mapigilan ng isip at puso ko na ikaw ay alalahanin. Kahit naman gusto ko, hindi kita maiwaksi sa utak ko. Nahihirapan ako alam mo ba yun? Pero ang hirap mo talagang kalimutan, at tila ayaw ng umalis ng pangalan mo sa sistema ko. Parang di na ako mabubuo pag nawala ka sa buhay ko.   

            Kahit na anong tago’y nalabas pa rin. Pigilan ko ma’y lumalaban pa rin. Iyan ang nadarama kong pag-ibig para sayo. Pag-ibig na nais ko na lamang sanang patayin, ilibing at limutin, ngunit napakahirap gawin.

            Pag-ibig! Ano ba’t bigla akong dinapuan! Bakit ba ngayon pa at sa di pa katanggap tanggap na kapanahunan? Bakit sa tao pang di dapat pagtuunan?

            Mali ba ang ako’y umibig sayo? Kasalanan bang maramdaman ko ito? Wala na akong ibang nagawa pa ng dapuan ako nito kundi ang tanggapin ang sakit na kahihinatnan ko.

            Ikaw lamang ang nais ko, ang tanging pangarap ko’y walang iba kundi ikaw. Kung pwede lang talaga, kung pwede lang sana. Gusto ko namang ipagsigawan sa mundo na mahal kita. Pero hindi na pwede.

            Sana totoo ang muling pagkabuhay sa ibang katauhan. Sa pagkakataong iyon, luluhod ako at hihiling sa Panginoon na sana, tayo naman, tayo na lang, at tayo na lang lagi.

Inna

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Love letter na ginawa ko para sa Filipino subject namin last semester. Obviously, para sayo to ...

He occupied the most space in my mind. ...

I have a lot to post but I can't ... coz this time I only have HIM in my mind .. and I hate whenever this happens. I can't think of anything but HIM. Nothing comes into my mind but HIM. I can't concentrate on anything .... he's the only one my mind can process.

Kung aalis ka, hindi ko masasabing nawala ka sa akin .. dahil sa umpisa pa lang .. alam ko namang hindi ka naging akin.

Kung sasabihin ko bang mahal kita, lalayuan mo ako? 

Kung aaminin ko ang nararamdaman ko para sayo, aayawan mo ba ako?

Kung sasabihin ko bang kailangan kita, ipagkakait mo ang sarili mo?

Kung hihilingin ko bang maging akin ka ... tatanggihan mo ako??

Marahil ang dahilan ng bawat katapusan ay hindi ang katotohanan na may bagong aashan..kundi ang realidad na lahat, matibay man o hindi ay may hangganan ....

wishlist.

I'd like to try kissing with someone in the crowd. hahahaha!

Be wise enough. :)

Well, I really wished I didn't know you in the first place but ... when I think about how much you've change my life and how you've made my life happier than ever ... I end up being contented and grateful that even if it's painful .. you have been one of the best parts of my life. :))

I'll always remember this.

Lately, I don't feel like doing anything. I have no motivation. I don't want to wake up early for school, I don't want to do homework, I don't want to go to practice, I don't want to do anything. I am physically and emotionally drained.

There’s something amazing about this life. The very same worldly attribute that causes us pain is also what gives us relief: Nothing here lasts. What does that mean? It means that the breathtakingly beautiful rose in your vase will wither tomorrow. It means that your youth will neglect you. But it also means that the sadness you feel today will change tomorrow. Your pain will die. Your laughter won’t last forever—but neither will your tears. We say this life isn’t perfect. And it isn’t. It isn’t perfectly good. But, it also isn’t perfectly bad, either.

I want to ask you what those stuffs are all about .. those sweet little things... and ah ... I just want to ask what do you really feel about me. But .. I know .. you won't be honest about it. I don't want to assume anything but you told me once that what I think about it is right. Yeah .. I wish what I have in mind are all right.

Lead me to the right path ..

Shakes makes things better. :))