Last Thursday, my sister told me that she needs to email her project to her teacher. So I tried to open hid email address, but then I failed. I have no other choice but to change her password. The process have not taken that long. At the end of the procedure .. as I was about to celebrate the success of changing to a new password .. something caught my eye. In the upper right side of the window, there is a message box which says, "Ready to move on?". I thought it was something like an advertisement or what ... but it was there for a purpose. .. it was the last button I have to click. Well, other than that .. it also had another purpose ... to literally ask me if I'm ready to move on. hahaha! Life just goes like that. Simple things you thought have nothing to do with you actually have. Yes, I may be translating or interpreting it the other way around .. but what matters is that how it work for me. Well .. I could say that I have moved on now on some other things. When I say I do, I really do. But it took a lot of time and courage to do it. Oh well, at the end of it, thanks for that amazing reminder in yahoo mail. :)))

I have print screen that window but unfortunately it was deleted. :/ But swear this did happened.

I want to burst into tears again. I want to shout. I really wish I have someone to talk to right now. I don't know how long I could take this inside. But whenever I feel sad, there's no one around. Every people seems so distant. No one's interested. No one's ready to listen. No one is good enough to give away comfort. This sucks. This really sucks.

Life is a lot more colorful. :))

Ang pangit ko na nga, lalo pa kong pumangit. Eyebags, tapos umiyak pa ko .. hay. Badtrip naman o! Wala na talaga akong pag-asang gumanda pa!

I AM HURT 

I CRY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

------------------------------

I HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO

I AM TOTALLY ALONE

EVERYONE HATES ME

Your presence and time means a lot to me.

Titles.

I am really poor at making titles. That's the worst part of everything. Like, when we are instructed to write essays .. I feel very calm when suddenly .. the teacher would remind us that we should put our own titles. That surely ruins my life. I'm really having a hard time in making titles. I don't know, maybe I'm just pressured because they always say that anything with good titles is worth the read .. and I really fear that my work won't even have a single reader because of how poor I am in making titles. Well, this is proven ... look at how worst my titles in this blog are. :/

This is how normally relationships go. .. but I pray that I would meet the man where I'd only experience until the stage of 'boyfriend/girlfriend' and then we'll jump into marriage. I mean ... I would want it to be perfect. I am willing to wait as long as I'd achieve it. It doesn't matter if I'm still single for now .. I'm not in a rush for a relationship. I want it to be sure .. I mean .. I would want it to be finalized. I am really praying for it. ♥

I wish I also knew I'll love you .. it would probably hurt less.

I really wish I knew I will fall for you the first time I saw you. I wish I have felt it. I wish I had the chance to warn and stop myself. I know, it would surely hurt less ... but it won't make my life happier than it is right now.

-----------------------------------------------

I remembered when I was in first year college, we are instructed by our NSTP professor to prepare a speech about anything we want. he just wants us to talk in front. So I've prepared a speech which tackles about chain messages. My introduction was an example of a chain message normally received in cellphones. So in front of the class, I stood while looking at the floor .. and then I faced the audiences, smiled and uttered the words "I LOVE YOU". You know what? The first person my eyes have spotted right after I lift up my head is HIM. I will never ever forget that scenario. Of course, by that time, I haven't taken it as anything but now .. I think it's a sign .. a sign given to me .. a sign telling me that sooner ... I will fall for that guy. And I did. 

I have been warned but I haven't payed attention to it. And so, fate played with me. If you'll ask me if I ever regret loving him .. even if it has caused a lot of pain .. I never ever did. if I felt bad about it .. ? NO. NEVER. It was one of the best chapter in my life. I am thankful that I am so stupid I haven't noticed the signs right away .. I am thankful because I've been too foolish to let myself fall for him ... if those things never did happened .. I won't be this happy. 

Wish I had a time machine
I could make myself go back
Until the day I was born,
And I would live my life again
and rearrange it so that I'll be
Yours from now on.

Some people are nice to you at FIRST..
Always have time for you at FIRST..
Care for you at FIRST..
But why do some people change after a certain time?
Maybe most of the best thing happen only at first, but won't last long.

Im a teenager. I have a messy room. I spend most of my time online. I have private on my phone. I go to bed late & Im crazy about 1 person.

Brace yourself. hahahaha!

Prepare yourself mentally or emotionally for hearing something unpleasant, out of place or inappropriate.

Yeah, really.

Facebook is so wonderful. It never fails to remind you about someone's birthday. .. you know .. it's just .. amazing. I mean, yeah ... people always forget someone's big day, and that is the number one excuse that they haven't greeted. But because Facebook exist, you won't have any escape ... unless you are not an active user. And the funny thing is, those people that aren't that close to you or let's just say, not worth of your greeting .. you happen to wish them a happy birthday at the end of the day. It's like Facebook is motivating you to do so. Well, thanks to Facebook, people feel like they are really important. I mean, in regular scenarios, most people, especially those that are in adulthood stage were very emotional during their important born day because they feel like nobody remembers them. But because of Facebook, it may not be all but at least, more people greets on your wall .. even those that you don't even know personally. 

Well, the bottom line is, ... ah .. just read the photo above. LOL. XD

nanganak na si Czy!!! weeeehheeeeee!!! dadalawin namin siya !!! :))))

may baby na ang barkada!!!! :D

EXPECTING ...

--- is one way of hurting yourself ..
so just go with the flow and enjoy the moment ."

Hindi mo naman kailangan maging perpekto..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Kailangan mo lang ng taong iintindi sayo at hindi kayang lumayo sa mga oras na sinusumpong ka ng masamang ugali mo >.<

I did nothing the whole day but sleep. I feel sick ... I feel tired .. I'm bored. I hate it when this happens .. when I lose interest on everything.

Pero ang pinakagusto ko sa lahat .. ay makatagpo ng lalaki na magsasabing na-"I can't fight this feeling anymore" siya sa akin at yun ang dahilan bakit niya ko pakakasalan. Sweet right?! :))

My current display picture in Facebook. :) Looks better than my own photo, right?!

May naalala ako. Meron akong .. ah .. teka di ko alam kung kaibigan ko siya pero ... o sige ganito na lang .. meron akong dating kaklase. Tuwing magkatext kami .. nagbobolahan kaming dalawa. Sinasabi niya na payat daw ako, which, alam ko naman na isang malaking kasinungalingan. So ayun na nga. Ako naman . .. sinasabi ko sa kanya na di naman siya mataba tulad ng iniisip niya .. dahil tama lang ang katawan niya para sa height niya .. which is, totoo. So ayun na nga. One time, nagkita kami .. at biniro ko siya na .. "ui, tumataba ka ah .. " Ang totoo niyan ... hindi ko naman ibig sabihin na mataba talaga siya at lalong tumataba sa statement kong yan. May karugtong pa kasi dapat e .. ganito yan o .. "ui, tumataba ka ah .. hiyang ka talaga kay ----". Kaso .. bago ko pa nadugtungan, ayun todo react na siya na nagresulta sa ilang buwan naming di pagkikibuan. Buti na lang .. last month .. naging ok na kami. 

Hay ... pero natatawa lang ako. Lagi niyang sinasabi na mataba siya .. at todo kontra naman ako. Pero nung sinabi kong tumataba siya nagalit siya. Halatang gusto lang makarinig ng magagandang bagay e .. kaya dina-downgrade ang sarili. Hay.

cutting isn't a funny thing. it may appear that people who self-harm is just seeking for attention ... but believe me, it's more than that.

-------,

Masilayan, masulyapan, makita, maaninag, mamasid, matingnan, maisalarawan at masaksihan. Iyan ang nais kong gawin ngayon. Kung pwede lang sana.

            Masaya ako pag kausap kita. Pag naririnig ko ang boses mo, para bang tumitigil bigla ang mundo ko. Kaso hanggang dun na lang yun.

            Lagi kitang naiisip at naaalala. Walang segundo, minuto, oras at araw ang lumilipas na di ka sumasagi sa isip ko. Nababaliw na nga ata ako, pero iyon ang totoo. Alam ko namang hindi kita dapat isipin pero di mapigilan ng isip at puso ko na ikaw ay alalahanin. Kahit naman gusto ko, hindi kita maiwaksi sa utak ko. Nahihirapan ako alam mo ba yun? Pero ang hirap mo talagang kalimutan, at tila ayaw ng umalis ng pangalan mo sa sistema ko. Parang di na ako mabubuo pag nawala ka sa buhay ko.   

            Kahit na anong tago’y nalabas pa rin. Pigilan ko ma’y lumalaban pa rin. Iyan ang nadarama kong pag-ibig para sayo. Pag-ibig na nais ko na lamang sanang patayin, ilibing at limutin, ngunit napakahirap gawin.

            Pag-ibig! Ano ba’t bigla akong dinapuan! Bakit ba ngayon pa at sa di pa katanggap tanggap na kapanahunan? Bakit sa tao pang di dapat pagtuunan?

            Mali ba ang ako’y umibig sayo? Kasalanan bang maramdaman ko ito? Wala na akong ibang nagawa pa ng dapuan ako nito kundi ang tanggapin ang sakit na kahihinatnan ko.

            Ikaw lamang ang nais ko, ang tanging pangarap ko’y walang iba kundi ikaw. Kung pwede lang talaga, kung pwede lang sana. Gusto ko namang ipagsigawan sa mundo na mahal kita. Pero hindi na pwede.

            Sana totoo ang muling pagkabuhay sa ibang katauhan. Sa pagkakataong iyon, luluhod ako at hihiling sa Panginoon na sana, tayo naman, tayo na lang, at tayo na lang lagi.

Inna

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Love letter na ginawa ko para sa Filipino subject namin last semester. Obviously, para sayo to ...

He occupied the most space in my mind. ...

I have a lot to post but I can't ... coz this time I only have HIM in my mind .. and I hate whenever this happens. I can't think of anything but HIM. Nothing comes into my mind but HIM. I can't concentrate on anything .... he's the only one my mind can process.

Kung aalis ka, hindi ko masasabing nawala ka sa akin .. dahil sa umpisa pa lang .. alam ko namang hindi ka naging akin.

Kung sasabihin ko bang mahal kita, lalayuan mo ako? 

Kung aaminin ko ang nararamdaman ko para sayo, aayawan mo ba ako?

Kung sasabihin ko bang kailangan kita, ipagkakait mo ang sarili mo?

Kung hihilingin ko bang maging akin ka ... tatanggihan mo ako??

Marahil ang dahilan ng bawat katapusan ay hindi ang katotohanan na may bagong aashan..kundi ang realidad na lahat, matibay man o hindi ay may hangganan ....

wishlist.

I'd like to try kissing with someone in the crowd. hahahaha!

Be wise enough. :)

Well, I really wished I didn't know you in the first place but ... when I think about how much you've change my life and how you've made my life happier than ever ... I end up being contented and grateful that even if it's painful .. you have been one of the best parts of my life. :))

I'll always remember this.

Lately, I don't feel like doing anything. I have no motivation. I don't want to wake up early for school, I don't want to do homework, I don't want to go to practice, I don't want to do anything. I am physically and emotionally drained.

There’s something amazing about this life. The very same worldly attribute that causes us pain is also what gives us relief: Nothing here lasts. What does that mean? It means that the breathtakingly beautiful rose in your vase will wither tomorrow. It means that your youth will neglect you. But it also means that the sadness you feel today will change tomorrow. Your pain will die. Your laughter won’t last forever—but neither will your tears. We say this life isn’t perfect. And it isn’t. It isn’t perfectly good. But, it also isn’t perfectly bad, either.

I want to ask you what those stuffs are all about .. those sweet little things... and ah ... I just want to ask what do you really feel about me. But .. I know .. you won't be honest about it. I don't want to assume anything but you told me once that what I think about it is right. Yeah .. I wish what I have in mind are all right.

Lead me to the right path ..

Shakes makes things better. :))

I hate myself. I'd kill myself if I had the chance.

I made you feel worst. I hate myself for it.

I'm in love with him, no matter what.

Hindi ko kayang sobrang magalit sa kanya. Or .. I may say, hindi ako pwedeng magalit sa kanya ng sobra. Hindi pwede. Kasi pag nagalit ako, mawawala siya. Ayokong mangyari yun.

Cheesy .. ♥

Alam mo ba scientist ako ... 

Kasi .. ikaw ang LAB ko. :)))

Finally, THE MAGIC WORDS. :) ♥♥♥

I am such a failure.

I am upset. I feel sick. While I am on my way home a while ago, I felt really sad. A friend asked something and I've tried to do it but .. I failed. I mean, I made it ... but it wasn't what he wanted. I am never good enough. I can never be good enough for anybody. No wonder God has not given me the 'man' I want because He knows that whoever that man is, I am not capable of giving him his needs. I felt again, that I am a total trash. Aside from being ugly and fat, I can't do anything good. Aside from being stupid and slow, I can't do things perfectly .. I mean .. everything is a mess. I so hate myself. I wish I could die right now. I was actually thinking of jumping off our motorcycle, but I felt sad when I saw my mom and dad. When I kill myself that time and that way, they could see everything and that would make them feel sad. I don't want to hurt my parents. I only want to hurt myself. I should punish myself for being so stupid. 

After everything that happened tonight, all the things that that person has told me before until now came back, and like the old days .. it hurt me. I can never forget everything that he said. I can never forget how it justifies every single bad things about me. 

I shouldn't be hurt. I should be used to it. I should know it was true, but yeah .. the truth hurts. I know I am stupid that I could not follow a simple instruction and can't do what others want me to do, but still I get hurt. 

 I don't really want to cry over such things but .. I just can't help myself. Crying has been my outlet lately. It's a matter of tears or blood. If I didn't cry, I would possibly cut. I choose to cry. But I didn't tell I won't cut.

I felt anger. I've hated that person. I wish I never knew him. I want him out of my life. He's always been like that .. so insensitive. But .. I've realized ... I shouldn't feel this way .. in the first place. I have no right. It's my fault. I'm sorry.

There's no other feeling I have right now but hate for myself. I wanna die. I feel ashamed. I can't face anyone anymore. I am stupid. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No, I'm not mad anymore. And even if I want to, I can't. If I get mad, you'd leave me. I have to brace myself. I have to reserve the anger for myself. There's no one to hate but myself. It's my fault. I'm so sorry to disappoint you. I'm sorry that I didn't understand your instruction. I'm sorry that I'm so stupid. I'm sorry ... I'm so sorry. I'm not mad .. I'm only hurt. It wasn't you .. it me.

One of these days ... I will be receiving a big news. Yes, I'm expecting it .. to hurt me. I know I shouldn't be affected, I should be happy, I should not mourn .. but .. I'm so sorry. It's affecting me right now .. how about tomorrow? How about the next days? How about the day when this big news would pop up? 

I must not let it affect me. 

I must not let it affect me.

I must not let it affect me.

Silence please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tonight .. I don't know if I will be able to at least take a nap. Our neighborhood is a total bullshit. I'm so sorry for the term. I just couldn't explain how annoyed I am the whole day and night. 

When I woke up, I felt extreme heat and the bad smell of smoke in my room. I thought our house is on fire or I'm being grilled alive. Of course my imaginations are not true, it's only our neighbor cooking outside. Yes, cooking outside with that stupid stove they have. It's not the typical stove we have .. it's a cheap version, something that doesn't help mother earth and causes suffocation. I nearly killed me this day. This isn't exaggerated, I felt like I was choking with the smoke they produce and I really thought I will be in asthma attack early in the morning.

They are preparing for the party, a Debut which is being held at the nearby court until this time. Yes, until now. And you know what?! It's so noisy over here. They keep on playing mind-crashing music which I really hate. Whenever I feel upset and tired and annoyed just like now, all I wish for is peace .. which my neighbor can't give. Yes, they could celebrate, but don't they know they are not the only people around the area and there are those like me who wish to have a precious time to sleep tonight, which they have stolen from us. 

I really hate everyone tonight. I hate the man behind my anger tonight and I hate our neighbor for being so selfish. I want to kill .... myself. 

Laughing for 15 seconds adds 2 days to your life span.

Me: I'M IMMORTAL!

So, basically if I'm on my death bed and I'm about to die, I can just be like:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

and live for another 2 days? Then I'd be like:
"ARE YOU MAD?"