KALANDIAN mode. XD

Yung feeling na kahit mahal nyo pa ang isa't-isa,
kailangan nyo nang maghiwalay.

Ang LOVE ay parang buhol- buhol na sinulid.
 Kapag di mo na kayang ayusin, kailangan mo ng PUTULIN.

Kung mahal ka niya, babalik siya? No.
Kung mahal ka talaga niya, una pa lang hindi ka na niya iiwan.

Hindi man tayo para sa isa't isa,
atleast dumating yung araw na sumaya ako at nakilala kita.

Hindi mo naman kailangan mahirapan,
minsan kasi ayaw mo lang talaga bitawan kaya lalo kang nasasaktan.

This is why I love studying. Studying ROCKS! \m/

So, yeah. You're reading it right. I have a lot of videos to watch tonight until Wednesday. I've been downloading it for 3 1/2 hours now. 

1.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_jIGfSPaWM&feature=share

2.) 

These two videos were posted last July 11, I think right after our class. I didn't know how important that I should start now until one of my classmates told me earlier this afternoon that one of the videos is actually almost 4 hours! So upon arriving home, I have cancelled some of my schedules and started downloading the stuff. Now, if you'll ask me why I downloaded it instead of just watching it directly on Youtube, of course I have my reasons.

a. I would save a lot of time if I'll download it, because if I watch it directly, I will have to wait for hours for loading the video and the interruptions will cause great inconvenience especially in understanding the topics.

b. You'll say that I am wasting my time now from downloading, but you're wrong. While I am downloading the videos, I am doing some other commitments and assignments (of my sister and mine) and I'm able to post just like now.

c. I can watch it anytime, anywhere in our house if I download it. I don't need to connect to the internet which would make it easier for me.

d. I want to keep a copy of the video, for future purposes. :)

So there are more than 4 hours for both videos, but a while ago, this was added to the lists:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rcNCB3cqTg&feature=youtu.be

So all in all, I'll have to sit and watch and study and evaluate the three videos for a total of 5 hours! Not to mention the added hours for reading related literature about the topics! And what's even more exciting is that I have 2 remaining days to do this! whoa!!!!

(the days were not a problem if I'm not as busy as I am now.)

BUT before you expect a bunch of complaints from me, read, understand and believe this first: I AM GRATEFUL AND SO HAPPY ABOUT THIS. Knowing that I have a lot of things to do, a lot of things to learn, and an opportunity to read some more for added knowledge is just way too exciting! I can't explain how happy I am right now. The pressure just intensify the happiness I am in at this moment! haha! I miss doing a lot of school stuff, not just go to school and kill the hours listening to ... whoever. This is exactly why I love our priest-professors because aside from their kindness, they are real good mentors and we really learn from them! No idle time, which leads to less tempting moments. :) I just love this day. I'm so excited to watch the videos! Thank God for this. :)) 

The story behind the song I've been listening all over again last night. :'(

When I was suicidal..

So what? Do you know what lies behind those cuts that I have? You shouldn't judge me by what you see, because you don't know anything ... 

Yeah, good thing no one asks how I am now, because I'm so tired of lying. 

The whole world says it's not true, but in fact, it is. It's not because I pity myself, but I'm only telling what the world shows me. And that is, it's better off without me.

ALWAYS. 

I can't take it anymore ... ~~~

Look beyond, and please understand, not judge. 

So that's why you've kept the keys .??!

to myself .....

I miss us, GA ... :'(

ALWAYS. :/

Just for tonight, please?

I knew it would happen. I told you. 

Just one time. I just want you to know that until now, it still hurts the same. . but no, I won't grab it if ever this wish would be granted. .. 

You won't even go to my funeral, I'm sure of that. Your fears stops you always. I hate how cowardly you act. That's not how I've known you ... 

Why would I? I would only hurt myself as much as you've hurt me. I loved you so much, I never ever wished to hurt you. 

... because it's hard to take it back as it is... 

That is what's happening right now. My life goes on ... ~~~

I wish I'd hear from you again. For at least once, my dear. ... 

OOPPPPSS!!! Pahabol mula kay Papa Jack ... :')

Hindi na baleng siya ang bumitaw basta alam mong wala kang pagkukulang.

Pag nagmahal ka. Umasa ka na masasaktan ka. Kase ngayon, bukod sa uso ang agawan at paramihan. Trending rin ang iwanan ng walang dahilan.

Yung umiiyak ka na sa sobrang sakit pero nagawa mo paring sabihin na: "Masaya ako para sa inyo"

isa sa pinakamalungkot na sitwasyon sa buhay ay yung gusto mo siyang ipaglaban pero pagsuko nalang ang tangi mong pagpipilian.

Mahirap isuko ang isang taong sobrang mahal mo. Pero mas mahirap ipaglaban ang isang taong hinihintay nalang ang pagsuko mo 


Ok ... enough for tonight. :/ SO fed uP! Sana bukas "wala na"  .... ~~~ (Joy Lee's magical hands)

A good thought before going to sleep ... ~~

It's a damn cold night ....

A few minutes before 2 AM. I'd better go to sleep or else ..... :( 

Am I not normal??

Procrastination AGAIN!

I was really about to do my assignment for tomorrow, but I don't know what exactly I have to do so I end up answering non-sense but very cute questions. I don't regret doing it though. I need a break just for a while. I am planning to do my assignment maybe later or tomorrow morning. :) 

Purple : 10 Facts About My Room

1. My room is located at the highest place in our house, just before our roof. It serves like an attic actually.

2. No one can stand in my room, it requires any person to just sit.

3. Though its height is less, my room is wide enough to accommodate at least 5 people in it.

4. My room only contains a bed, a pillow, an electric fan, a light bulb, a personal box with lock, a book, my puzzles and my countless bags.

5. I don't sleep in my room for like 3 months already, because it's so hot up there.

6. I clean my room regularly even though I don't sleep there.

7. I has no stairs. I'll have to use a table and a chair to get in there.

8. Its floor is made of wood and I love it. 

9. Unfortunately, my room doesn't have any windows.

10. It is the best room in our house on rainy days.

Blue : 9 Facts About My Family

1. I have parents who loves each other dearly.

2. I have an elder brother that is somewhere in Mindanao with his girlfriend and their kid.

3. I have a younger sister who is very pretty and so smart that she's actually a scholar of De La Salle Zobel.

4. I'm so proud of my family and I love them so much!

5. My family is one reason why I am still alive as of now.

6. We are one big happy family, just drop my brother in this case.

7. We love our brother even though he doesn't love us.

8. Our family is close to God and has one faith.

9. My family is a precious gift from God.

Green : 8 Facts About My Body

1. I have 2 dimples and a lot of pimple scars on my face.

2. I have obvious scars on my left arm.

3. I have huge thighs and very annoying large legs.

4. I have a lot of insect bite marks only on my left leg.

5. My tummy just got larger now that I'm single compared to its size when I was taken.

6. I am not tall. Not even reached at least 5 ft.

7. I have small feet sized 4 1/2.

 8. I hate my body so much that I want to change a lot about it.

Yellow : 7 Facts About My Childhood

1. I don't remember much of it.

2. If it never happened, I wouldn't be where and what I am now.

3. I've spent most of my childhood years in Bacoor, Cavite

4. I studied in a convent with Franciscan Sisters.

5. All I know is my childhood is better than my life now.

6. It's one part of my life I want to be back.

7. Nothing beats childhood.

Orange : 6 Facts About My Hometown

1. It never changed, still Las Piñas City since birth.

2. It has its never dying campaign, Clean and Green.

3. It doesn't have nice parks and very inviting recreational places but it has a lot of malls around.

4. It seems not improving unlike the other cities but  I love it as it is.

5. It's not as popular as the other cities, because no huge crimes were ever publicized here.

6. It is large enough that I haven't been on all of its barangays in my 20 years of residency.

Red : 5 Facts About My Best Friend

1. We became friends 3 years ago.

2. We fell in love with each other.

3. We broke up, just last December.

4. He doesn't exist anymore.

5. I told you, he doesn't exist anymore.

Pink : 4 Facts About My Parents

1. They are extremely hardworking individuals I've known.

2. They are God-fearing and are faithful Roman Catholics.

3. They love us so much and never fail to make us feel it.

4. They are simply perfect creations of God and I'm so blessed for having them.

White : 3 Facts About My Personality

1. I am hot tempered. I sometimes consider myself as Bipolar, but it is not clinically proven yet.

2. I am very adventurous. I love traveling and trying different things.

3. I am quiet. Silence is is my best friend.

Grey: Two Facts About My Favorite Things

1. My favorite things are the so-called 'BOOKS' and 'BAGS'.

2. I have two rooms full of each.

Black : 1 fact about the person I like

He knows the whole lyrics and is good in singing "We Didn't Start The Fire" by Billy Joel.

Oh Hooray for today! :D

Ok. So I just saw this photo and I was like, "yeah, very timely."

I survived. It's been 6 months and 18 days since that very hurtful day. After December 22, I was like a zombie walking in the street, an insane woman who doesn't know what to do with herself anymore. But now, here I am. Still not beautiful but more of a picture of a heartbreak survivor. I'm so proud I've been through it. I mean, if it didn't happen, I won't appreciate life as wonderful as it is today.

I admit that I still remember everything. E-V-E-R-Y-S-I-N-G-L-E-T-H-I-N-G. But it doesn't affect me gravely anymore. It sinks in when I suddenly thought about it, I still cry when I cannot really handle the pain left, but the good thing is, it rarely happens. If before it hits me every second of everyday, now once a month is just enough. :)

God has blessed me even though I have sinned a lot. That's so wonderful about Him. Even if we are at our darkest side, He still wants us to feel that He loves us. I would forever thank God for all the experiences I've been through and all the lessons I've learned from it. I made me stronger. And I would forever be thankful to God for loving me in spite of my every bad deeds. 

I survived. God helped me survive.

God has blessed my friends and I love it! :)

I'm just waaaayyyy toooooo happy! It's because upon opening Facebook, I saw a lot of good things, not just mere 'chismis' and trash posts. :D 

One of my classmates / good friend from elementary just passed the Nursing Licensure Exam and now, she's a certified Registered Nurse! Another is my classmate / good friend as well in high school, same story. Add to the spice the other past news but still gladdens my heart so much such as my classmate / good friend in high school just had her 2nd baby girl. Another classmate from my previous school in college, just had her 2nd baby boy. Isn't that a nice thing?! And those of my classmates before in college who already graduated that just had their jobs. Wow! God is so amazing! There are a lot more reasons to thank Him each day!

I don't know why. It's not me who experienced those triumphs, but I just feel so happy. It just make me so proud that for once in my life, I have known them and I've been with them. :) 

I know that most if not all of them may have already forgotten me, or if not, maybe I've very seldom crossed their minds. I don't even know if they still had our memories in their hearts. Well, no matter what, I'm still happy and so proud of them. Knowing that those people who became a part of my life has a good life is something my heart is so grateful about. 

-----------------------

Thank you Lord, for blessing my friends. They were a good part of my life, and I'm so happy that despite of us not seeing each other for a long, long time, knowing that they're happy with their lives, it's enough for me to keep myself calm. :) Thank you so much Lord! May you continue to bless all of the people especially those who are close to my heart! ♥ Amen. 

Random thoughts. ~

I'm sorry about my recent posts on wanting to go to 'kinky places'. Sorry doesn't mean I'd delete it and never do it again, mind you. What I mean with my sorry is, sorry if it offends you in some ways and sorry because I know it would change your impression about me (you'd most probably think that I am a lustful woman whatsoever). 

You know, I want to be there because I want to learn more. Like since I was in high school, I really wished I could take up Sexology as my course (which a friend told me needs a Psychology course before you take up that major, and well, I doubt it if Philippines has such courses offered.) Anyway, it's not because I'm a sex addict or a nymphomaniac. I JUST WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THE SUBJECT. With plans of applying it someday, maybe, but most of all, I'd like my mind to be more open and understand why many people love such earthly things.

Well, I don't have to explain everything. No matter how I defend my side, if someone who'd ever read this would want to think I'm not the woman I am supposed to be in, I can't do anything about it. No matter what we do, either positive or negative, people will always throw their judgments on you (as if you were asking for it, huh?!)

I do believe that the more you know about something, the lesser you'd be thinking it was dirty. :) That's why I really want to expose myself with the act of sex, the world of the LGBT community, the mishaps of mistresses, and so on. Real stuff. Things that most people do not understand. I think education was invented so that we could expand our understanding, not discriminate people and judge them. Education does not mean you are entitled to put an eye on someone, not unless it is what your education have thought you. And well, as for me, this is how I educate myself. 

If you don't have anything good to say, just stay away from my blog  and mind your own thing!

ooohhhh... la .. la... (I'd love to go here! Added to my lists! :*)

I am determined to go to SLEEP!!!!

This week had been very tiring for me yet very fulfilling. I was able to do a lot of things though I was sometimes deprived of sleep, just like now. :/ I find it very interesting doing "high school stuff". I don't think I will be missing school when I graduate, because with my lazy sister, I will forever be a student! LOL

It isn't bad though. At least I'm still learning and it helps me recall every lesson I've been through before .... which is really important, I just realized. Before, I always keep on asking myself what the hell all of those terms would do with my life, but as I grew older, I keep on asking myself why I don't remember those things. Because I need it now. Really. I mean I need algebra and physics and economics because they're still essential in some ways ... if you still remember them, you'd never look like an idiot trying to answer a child's question about his/her assignment, seriously. You know, it's not only about what we will benefit but what we can make out of it. Like, if we just try to study so hard and remember every single detail in our books, well, we could make a future with bright individuals as our descendants. Wouldn't it be nice?

Anyhow, my post isn't really about that. I want to sleep. That's all. haha! I've been awake for like 12 hours. Pimples ahead! wew :/

Good morning everyone! :D

p.s. 
I guess I'll have to take some sleeping pill. It's because, whenever I crossed 3AM without sleeping, I will end up awake for the rest of the day. I don't want that to happen, because I really feel my body needs to rest. wew. I've got to have a good sleep because I'll be doing my essay today. God bless to me, and to you as well! :))

.

I'm not rich but ... I prefer a book more than anything else.

So ... we need a book on one of our class and our professor suggested that it would be more economical if we will just photocopy the entire book. The expense would be lesser for like... more than 50% if I'm  not mistaken. So they were all asking who would like the photocopy. I have no problem with that, but I don't have a dilemma with buying a book either. It's just the same, yes, but books are better right?! And  if you can buy a book, why stop yourself? A classmate told me that I was rich that's why I'd like to have a book. No, I'm not rich, but I prefer a book more than anything else. It's a lot more economical (for me) because I won't be able to throw it away (I'm sure of that, though I don't trash hand-outs too) and besides, it's good to see a book displayed in my own little library.. :)) And, it's an opportunity to buy a book, so why not, right?!

Thank God for this wonderful day! :)

Well... I would say that I had a not-too-nice but enough-nice-day today. :D I've been late (as usual) in my class, but it went on just right. The activities and the discussions were fine and I've learned many things which adds to the reasons why I don't regret this day. After that I was able to chat with few of my classmates, and help someone to make his assignment. Plus, I've spent my time with a long lost classmate (LOL) in the mall. :) Good thing she's so willing to spend a lot of time with me today, because I really don't want to go home early. You know, if no one wants you, it's easier to lead yourself away from them. ~~ Anyway, I was just glad that I'm here now at home at last, and one thing that makes me feel better is that my crush was now singing again. LOLOLOLOL! XD I remember before, I used to share him with my guy, all from his heavenly voice, his unknown face to me (because I haven't met him yet though we're neighbors!) and the song "When Love and Hate Collide" that reminds me of him. :) My guy get really annoyed every time I mention him. hahaha! Well, it's been a long time since I've heard him sing! Before, like... more than a year ago .... I am all alone here in my room and he's just there somewhere outside singing with all his angelic voice and I can't help but emote to the highest level. haha! Then when I had a lover, I seldom hear him sing, maybe because I usually  go home sooooooo late at night. Anyhow, I'm very happy to hear him again. Not in my saddest, but in my natural mode at night. I'm looking forward for his other songs on the following nights ... and I hope ... someday .. I'd know who he was. :) 

-ako'y sayo at ika'y akin. it's his song for tonight. :) 

O-M!!!! I'm sorry but...,,, I'd love to go there! :D

Jeju Loveland, or what’s more commonly known as Love Land Korea is a sex theme park located on an Island in South Korea.

iKR?!

ooooooookkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!! so I'm here again .. and .. I have no resolutions yet!!! LOL!

Anyhow, I'm starting a new progress like.... not connecting / relating anything to that person. I know that would be really good. :D I'm sleepy now, so I guess this is all for now. :)))) 


Good vibes for tomorrow! 

STOP BOTHERING ME PLEASE, GOOD MEMORIES.

Yes,  you've read it right. Good memories. And how am I supposed to forget those? I don't know either. They say that it is not possible to forcefully forget something unless you had amnesia or Alzheimer's disease. Well, I really wish I had, just so I would be able to move forward continuously.  Ok, so it started just now. While I was turning on this computer, a thought popped up in my mind, telling me that I should visit our email accounts. It has been half a year since I last checked it out. Anyways, I end up crying like hell and realizing that I'm still affected at this point in time. Imagine how worst I could be if I actually came face-to-face with that person, knowing that a memory just like that could break me down so easily. I pity myself for it, especially the fact that I browsed the internet on how to forget the past purposefully. But I can't blame myself for being so desperate to search for an immediate cure for this craziness. I mean, I've been hurt so bad it won't be good to make myself believe that everything's all right when in fact, it's not. It would only worsen my situation and forgetting would be harder. 

I don't have any resolutions yet, and I'll have to think of it as I eat dinner tonight. After that, I'll post again if I have thought about something good (but I won't promise I would). I'll go now. 


by the way, this is the site I've searched for. you wouldn't know, maybe you'll need it one of these days ....... just kidding. :)
http://www.wikihow.com/Purposefully-Forget-Things








AFK

Kailan kaya ako.....

-magkakaroon ng pera para makarating sa iba't ibang lugar, mabili ang mga bagay na gusto kong mabili, makabili ng pinapangarap kong condo unit, makabili ng kotse, mabili ang lahat ng sapatos at bag na gusto ko, mabili ang lahat ng pagkaing gusto kong kainin, mabili ang lahat ng gusto nila Mama, Papa at kapatid ko, at higit sa lahat, yung di na ako makakaramdam na kulang ang pera na meron ako???

-makakapag-travel sa lahat ng places na gusto kong marating in and out of the country?

-gaganda?? yung kahit pimple free lang na mukha at isama mo na ang peklat free na katawan????

-se-sexy, yung tamang katawan lang, hindi masyadong malaking binti, bewang, tiyan at braso?????

:::::ito ang dahilan kung bakit gusto ko ng mag-quit sa Facebook. Source lang yun ng insecurities kO! bat naman kasi eh! :/

#ANGHIRAPMAGINGTULADKO

#ANGSARAPMAGSUICIDEASINNGAYONNA

#INSECURETALAGAAKOKAASARLANG

#FEELINGHASHTAGBAKITBA

#BUTIPASILA

#UNFAIRTALAGAANGBUHAYATSORRYTOSAYPEROMALASKOTALAGA

#BAKITGANON

A funny thought before I go back to sleep -- modern reality sucks! XD

A nice thought before I go back to sleep :)

I'll have to do this now or I will in my class. :?

On this scene I will surely not be able to focus studying. BASED ON EXPERIENCE.

I just love learning .. falalalalala!

It's 6:36 AM on my clock and I'm here sitting in front of my computer, doing all the researching. If not with that mad rat in my sister's room, I doubt it if I'm awake by now.

Anyway, the mad rat thingy have brought about a good start for my day. I'm here studying, and I myself can't believe what I'm doing. I've just finished researching for my sister's assignment and I'm currently downloading pdfs for my own early this morning! haha! I'm feelin' productive right now.

You know how I hate the word and the feeling REGRET, but I openly admit that just a while ago, I have undergone such. I regret loving learning just now, when all I have was a year left in school. But after a minute of despair, I realized how lucky I am to think about studying as an enjoyable thing. I'm still lucky, if you know what I mean. It's never too late though, because I'm still young for my age and I believe that I'm on the right track. Yeah! \m/

I'm feeling all sleepy now. I guess I'll have to take a nap or else I will be dying again in class later this afternoon.  I don't want that to happen, because I really love learning and hearing important information and I can feel it in my nerves. No kidding. You may call me sick right now but it's true. :) And besides, I want to watch a lot of cartoons from 8AM which means I don't have time to sleep from that point of time. :)

I'll just do a couple of posts and that's it. I'll try to sleep again. :)

depressing.

mahirap mabuhay sa mundong pilit kang isinusuka. ... ~~~ -feeling suicidal

 the downside of loving someone so much --- you can’t live without them.

If I could, then I would. :P

Looking forward for this. :D