That's why I love rabbits. :)

GOD. LIFE. WHITE.

#135, BUHAY PARTYLIST

REAL BEAUTY is not what you thought it is.

Rotate and you'll see...

I'm going to Talon Uno later for the PICOS testing ang sealing. My plans weren't as I expected it to be, but it will definitely not stop me from being there! It's another experience, and I love how my last days of vacation are very well spent. :)

 

Lovers of God, Family and Life:

Let us all give our support for the "White Vote Movement".

As of now, the White Vote movement endorsed the following senatorial candidates:

1. Binay, Nancy
2. Ejercito, JV
3. Gordon, Richard
4. Honasan, Gringo
5. Llasos, Marwil
6. Magsaysay, Mitos
7. Pimentel, Koko
8. Trillanes, Antonio
9. Villar, Cynthia
10. Zubiri, Miguel

Let us all give our all-out support for these candiates! Let us all prove to the whole world that Catholics have voice and that the voice of people is the voice of God. Let us forget our disparities and enjoy our similarities! Let's shatter the walls that divide us and hold each other's hands to form unity!

"While divided vote changes nothing, a united vote changes everything"
--> whitevote.org 

GOD bless us all =)

Now I'm an official poll watcher for the upcoming elections next Monday, and I'm a bit nervous and really excited about everything. This would be another experience for me, and I'm happy because I've done it by myself. I mean, I didn't have to rely on anybody just to pursue what I want. Anyways, I won't be receiving any monetary rewards with being a poll watcher. That was so pathetic and sad for other people, but I don't care. I may be called a fool because of my choice to volunteer but as long as I'm happy and no one's in danger with what I'm doing .. I'm  going to do it. I know God's blessings are more than what I could receive from the hands of the people around me. :) I will be working under the PPCRV, which I have long been dreaming of being one of the volunteers. Thank God it's at hand now. On Monday I will be facing another reality, knowing that it would be my first time to vote and to be a poll watcher at the same time. May God be with me as I do the best that I can. :)


Apart from being a volunteer in a nonpartisan organization is my decision to support the White Vote Movement. The PPCRV promotes voting according to conscience, and that is what mine dictates. :) So I hope this post doesn't raise any eyebrows as I declare my heart to promote the White Vote movement's decisions. 

Change is constant. Everything changes every time, we just have to make sure that the change we are for is for the better. :) And let us all ask God to strengthen our faith especially to decisions as big as the election requires. All for the glory of our Lord, Jesus Christ!

I've thought about it a while ago. What if we'd meet somewhere and he'd try to speak with me? For some reason, I think I will go speechless because I will be very busy stopping my eyes in dropping the first tear that will lead a thousand others. I should not let my eyes speak for my heart and my mouth. :/

High school friends like no other!

Kahapon nakipagkita ako sa mga kaibigan kong sina Marosa at Tine. Nung una nilang sinabi na May 3 kami magkikita kita grabe sa isip ko "agad-agad?!" ... di ako prepared. Yung regalo ko kasi sa kanila di pa dumarating. Pero syempre limitado lang ang pagkakataon so kailangan i-grab ang opportunity. Nung una parang malabo pa kasi walang maayos na communication, pero insistent sila sa date. So eto na ... May 2 ng gabi pinag-iisipan ko nanaman kung tutuloy ba ko o hindi .. tinatamad kasi ako. haha. Pero nag-prepare na rin ako kasi sayang talaga ang pagkakataon. Kinabukasan prepared na ako ... aba nagtext bigla na di na tuloy kasi masama pakiramdam ni Mars. Ilang oras ang nakalipas ... kung kailan naka-set na ang katawan ko na di aalis ng bahay ... aba nagtext tuloy na daw ulit. Edi nagulantang ako kasi hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko kay Mama para payagan uli akong umalis matapos kong bawiin nung umaga. Buti pumayag. Nagkita-kita kami sa ATC, nasa J.Co daw si Mars eh di ko naman alam kung san dun kasi di ko kabisado ang ATC. Hirap pa kasi kami ni Tine parehong globe na walang pang-other net na text ... sun si Mars kaya ayun. Nakapagpaload naman si Tine kaya naitext si Mars bago pa man niya maisip na mag-back out ulit. haha. Saka ko lang naisip na pwedeng magtanong sa guard kung san ang J.Co. hay. Nung papunta na ko dun nasalubong ko si Mars. :))) 

Nagtambay muna kami sa tapat ng Cinemas, nag-asaran at nagkwentuhan ng maya-maya dumating si Tine na dumagdag lang sa ingay namin ni Mars. So yun kumpleto na kami. :) Kumain kami sa foodcourt, sa may Chowking. Tapos mula 3pm hanggang 9 nagkwentuhan lang kami dun. Na-realize na lang namin yung oras nung gabi na, naglalakad kami sa labas papunta sana ng Molito. Nagtanong sila ng oras sakin, sabi ko past 9 na ata. Ayaw pa nila maniwala, kesyo sira daw relo ko o advanced masyado. Tapos pagkakita nila sa phone .. ayun! Mga adik akala nila mga 7 or pa-8 pa lang! hahaha! 

Nagpunta kami ng Mercury para bumili sana kaso sarado for inventory. Kumain na lang kami sa Jollibee, sagot ni Tine kasi may bonus daw siyang 5k. :) Kinain niya Jolly Hotdog, ako fries at Flip Float, si Mars Spag and Chicken (wala lang gusto ko lang sabihin mga in-order namin. haha). Tapos bumili ako saglit sa Pan de Manila. Paglabas ko tense na tense na si Mars kasi pinagagalitan na siya ... almost 10pm na kasi. Bumili muna kami ng siopao sa 7-11 pang gatepass niya. hahaha. Pati sa pagtawid halata na tense na talaga si Mars wala na sa sarili grabe. Sa Mercury Moonwalk na lang kami bumili, buti bukas pa. Di ko pa nagamit yung suki card ko. :( 

Ang saya ng araw kahapon grabe. Kahit antagal na naming nagkwentuhan parang bitin pa rin. Alam mo yun. Syempre sa tagal naming di nagkikita kita, expected na parang awkward moments ... pero sa kanila hindi. Sobrang saya as in wagas na wagas. Andami naming napag-usapan .. parang good for one year na. Tsaka bawat topic relate lahat .. yung walang nale-left behind. Astig talaga. Kaya mahal na mahal ko yung dalawang yun eh. :) Nakakatuwa pa sa kanila, pinakikinggan nila ang kwento ko .... ang saya lang. Mga kaibigan ko talaga sila. Sana ganun din ang tingin nila sakin... 

Yung gift ko, hindi ko naibigay sa paraang nais ko sana. Hahaha. Si Tine kasi tuwing magkikita kami lagi tinitignan bag ko .. di na tuloy surprise. pero ok lang kasi hinihintay ko pa rin yung gift ko sa kanila talaga. :) Siya rin pala may prepared gift, nilagay niya sa bag nung nasa Jollibee kami. 

Nakita namin si Ivy sa ATC, yung senior officer namin dati sa CAT. Pati si Sir .... Sir ... (ano nga ba yun?) ... ah .... Sir JP! PEro ang totoo di ako ang nakakita silang dalawa. Nasalubong daw namin sa ilalim ng overpass sa Moonwalk habang nag-jaywalking kami. hahaha. 

Ang saya pa kasi parang kami lang tao sa food court. Tapos alam mo yun yung andun lang kami pero ok na. Ang saya na. Eh ano pa pag may ginawa kaming mas masaya diba. Grabe lang. Naka-ilang palit na ng tao kami andun pa rin. Adik lang. hahahaha. Tapos tawa kung tawa. Grabe talaga. tapos nakakatouch si Tine, andami niyang memories na naaalala tungkol saming dalawa. At si Mars ... nakakatuwa na close kami til now. Grabe ang saya talaga nila kasama ... wagas lang. 

Buti na lang, natuloy ang usapan. Hinding hindi ko ito malilimutan ,,.... at isa ito sa mga memories na forever kong ite-treasure. Sa susunod na magkikita kita kami, dapat marunong na kaming magluto. :) at sa mga darating pang hinaharap, malalaman namin kung sino samin,  kung ako nga ba ... ang mauunang magka-anak at magiging signal kay Mars na sumunod na at magiging signal kay Tine (daw) na sumunod na rin. Huh! Baka mauna pa sila.. single ako eh. hahhahahaha! Ayoko sana magka-anak, pero pag naiisip ko na big time magiging ninang eh.. why not diba. hahahhaha!

Ang sarap magkaroon ng kaibigang tulad nila. Sayang, at wala akong naging kaibigan sa CDW. Anyway di ko naman dapat ikalungkot yun. At least alam ko na meron pa rin akong friends, yung talagang friends. Magkikita kita pa kami uli, at alam ko na marami pang pagkakataon na magiging bahagi ng buhay kami ng bawat isa. 

Ang sarap magkaroon ng mga kaibigan. :))) I miss my high school days!

I WILL BE THERE! - @The Vatican Library, Rome, Italy

A very nice thought to live by eh?! 
Life doesn't stop for anybody, so stop attaching yourself to anything. 
Attachment causes suffering.
No matter how hard you try to keep everything, they will all soon leave you behind.
So, why bother?
(:
~~~~

I've just finished downloading and editing "OUR" songs ... and ... I missed him. 

It's so late already, I only have two hours utmost for sleep. I'd better get in bed now or I'll regret it tomorrow. :) Anyway, what I did helped me (at least) so .... it's still worth it. :) I'm just checking how far I've moved on since. :) 

Good mornyt! :D

One thing I hate most: FORESHADOWING.

The kiss that I thought YOU said would never happen to us ...

He told me once (in teary eyes) that he doesn't want an end just like this. He even tried to hide which movie had caused his tears to flow in front of me while telling it, just so I won't be able to have an idea of doing the same. Indeed, we didn't have to end this way, because we ended up in the worst way ever. He left me .... not just by blindfolding my eyes, but leaving my heart, my mind and my whole being clueless about everything. It still hurts every time I remember it. I wish I could go back to that night when we were in that front sit of a cab, while he's sharing this movie. That's when I loved him most. It's when he told me he never want me to leave, and he would not too. That's the night when I thought and have fully believed he loved me just the same ... even more than I expect. I wish he really did. At least for that night. ~

It makes me cry every time .... :'(

I remember. #1

Hello to my new blog :)

New because of the template and some changes made, though the content is still non sense as it is before. Anyway, it'd been a hard choice for me since I'd loved the former look of my blog. Well, changes aren't as bad as we think it is, right?!

BEHIND MY SMILES ARE TONS OF DEATH THREATS.

It was ........

on my 18th birthday. You told me to treat you all because it's my day. I really want to, but I don't know how to invite you, knowing that none of you had the courage to accompany  me or even have small talks with me that time. I end up forgetting about the idea and just celebrate with my friends somewhere else. I don't have any friends at school, and you ....you were one of those that I really like to know. Right from the start, it's you whom I really want. ... and I'm not like you, because I mean everything that I've said and until now I know it's all true ..................

I'm such a fool to even remember this. Anyway it was just a small talk. I couldn't even call it one, because I had not responded. It happened two times on that day. First is when we are going to the Cooperative, me ahead of all of you, my classmates. You noticed my shirt and you were surprised that I was in a CAT in high school, which sounds you were underestimating me. I didn't mind though. Nothing you said made me hate you, if you know what I mean here. It's what you did, just for clarification. The second incident was what I have mentioned earlier. 

Those times were the best memories I had. Every memory I have about you are the most cherished treasures of my life. I may hate you for what you did, but it could never wash away the love I felt for you ... ~

THE REWARD THAT I DESERVE.

I AM. EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE.

I badly need a book to read right now. Though I still have lots of unread ones in my shelves, I want something that would be of my real interest. I want something that could bring me out in this reality for a while. I want a book that could make me forget. But well, I don't have enough money to go buy a new one. I had lost all my money on a store that isn't even earning. I hate my life, and I need a book to at least brace me for a while. 

Alam mo yung feeling na .... ikaw,.. alam mong ok ka na pero alam mo rin na konting bagay lang maaapektuhan ka pa. Na alam mo sa sarili mo na nakakabangon ka na pero konting sagi lang pwede kang matumba ulit? Tapos yung taong nanakit sayo .... kakamustahin ka bigla na parang walang nangyari... na parang di ka niya sinaktan ng sobra-sobra, na parang wala kayong nakaraan. Yung tipong pinamumukha niya sayo na siya ok na ok na ...... at ikaw .. alam mo na araw-araw ... pinaghihirapan mong mabuti na maging ok ka na. Na may lakas pa siya ng loob na kamustahin ka matapos ng ginawa niyang pang iiwan sayo na parang aso ka lang na pinagsawaan na niya. Ang sakit. Di ko mapigilan maiyak. Paano ako nagagawang tratuhin ng ganito ng mga  tao. Naging mabuti naman ako sa kanila ah. Sana naman magising ako isang araw na kahit isang tao sa paligid ko may pakialam sakin. Sana pagmulat ng mata ko may taong magpapakita sakin na mali silang lahat, na di sila dapat ganito sakin. Grabe. Ang sarap lang talagang magpakamatay. As in ngayon na. ://////

Can I get into heaven if I kill myself?

Heaven is what's keeping me from doing it. I still haven't gathered enough courage to face the consequence of what I would do. But it seems the best escape I have from this life I am in right now. I know I am not in the worst situation, but being in  my  shoe isn't that real good either. I hate myself. I hate myself so much. I wish I was strong enough to kill myself right now. But I fear God, and I fear taking something that's isn't even mine. I wish I have not received this life, for they all call it a gift. It's not a good one for me. I don't deserve it, and someone else does. I want to die now. Please Lord, take my life.

I’d dress nicer but I don't have the money or body.

You hate me?! ... well ... I HATE MYSELF MORE!!!!!!!!!!!

I had a very strange dream yesterday. I didn't know I was asleep ... it feels so real. The scene was I was lying on my back in the kitchen when suddenly a tall man, who happens to be my 'boyfriend' in that dream came to me and begin cuddling. I wasn't stopping him, knowing that he's my 'boyfriend', yet I can't hide the disgust that I'm feeling which is very apparent on how I continually push him away every time he tries to get closer and closer to me. Then after a few moments,he tried to kiss me on  my lips, which of course I forcefully get rid of. I  felt only one thing all throughout the scene ....  disgust. Though the man  is actually good looking (I even told him on my dream that he looked like John Estrada which I first mistakenly called John Lloyd), I don't feel at least attracted to him at all. And you know what? I actually uttered the words "It's still him" while picturing the most handsome face of my  ... GA. Then after that I was finally awoken by my father. 

Upon getting up, I've realized one thing.... I don't think I will ever enjoy another relationship again. I even thought about not getting married, which is sad because I dreamed of wearing a gown and walking down the aisle of a church... but I just ... don't feel like being on it anymore,... knowing the fact that the man that I want to wait for me at the end of the aisle and would grab my arms and will bring me in front of the altar had already been gone in my life. :( Yes, my conclusions are non sense and it's not right  for me  to  draw conclusions and think ahead, but it's what I feel right now so please respect me. LOL. Kidding aside, I hope you know that feeling when you have all the interest on something yet you know it isn't coming ... which is, in my case... getting married to the man I really, really love. 

It's too early for me to tell these things, and no one knows, not even me... what will happen on the next days and years of my life. It's either I'd have him again, I'd have someone new, and what's worst, not having anyone for the rest of my life. Of course of all three, I'd better get the latter, which is the worst that could happen but far more reasonable and better for me. Having him again is .... ah .... 1/99 chances. :((((((( And I don't think I'd love that to happen ... though deep inside I still want it. I mean, you  know that feeling when you want something yet you don't love to have it? I may want him back, but I don't think it would be the best for  me. After everything that happened between us, I don't think I still have all the guts to say 'yes' again. With  regards to meeting someone new .......................... oh ............ I don't know, but what's for sure is that I don't want to be madly, deeply in love again with any other man. And for now ... like what happened on my dream ...  I don't want to be in another man's arms ..... it's just way too disgusting, I'm  sorry. 

I'm actually not in the mood to do anything now, even posting here on my blog. Though I have a lot of things in mind, I don't have the guts to spurt it all out. I don't mean being lazy, it's just that I'm again undergoing my 'depressive days'. These days were the times when I feel too empty inside and completely stupid and useless that I just want to die. I don't really want to be in this situation, but it happens .... it just happens. Anyway, I've forced myself now to post because at least it could reduce the loneliness I'm feeling inside. At least posting is better than physically hurting myself right?! And I'm really trying my best not to go that far, though the urge is getting stronger as the days passes by.

I miss being happy... being really, really, really happy. I admit that I felt that in the most vivid times of my life, and the last time I remembered I was in cloud 9? Last year. Though I felt sadness and I've cried a lot, there's no doubt that I've been the happiest that I could ever be last year. Now I'm finding it too hard to recollect myself and start again. I know it's my fault, but it's kinda hard to be really happy especially now. Yes, happiness is a choice, and I really have chosen to be happy. But it's still hard you know. I can't act as if everything's ok. It's not. 

I  wish I could be someone, would be someone of value. I wish I could do a lot. I wish I wasn't as dumb as I am right now. Oh well, I guess all I can do is continue my struggle, and at a lot of prayers as well. Lately I've been getting away again. :(

Tropical. :0

....because it's so damn hot in here. :/

ARE WE?!

I still believe that someday we'll meet again.  I don't know if you're ever gonna say hello, but I surely will. I will show you how better I became without you. I will not let you see how I am just after you left me. I will make sure you'd know that I'm ok, that I lived. I will make you regret what you've done to me ..........

I don't have you now, which means I'M NOT OK. Which is true. I am not and will never ever be okay.

 Wish you were here. I miss you so bad. :/

I don't really have to be stressed but I've observed that as my summer vacation begins, distress came along with it. I don't know what exactly happened to me that made me feel this way. I am stressed about necessary things, but  I don't think I  have to feel too much like this. This summer vacation, I have to relax and rest, not worry about so many things. Anyway, I think it's part of growing up. I am officially a young adult now, and I have to learn to deal with such things. But I don't really understand why I am feeling like this. I'm way too stressed about being stressed, and that's kind of a very hard thing to deal with. I pray that it will all be resolved as soon as possible. I don't want to ruin my vacation, the only time I could forget about everything in school. :/

....AGAIN. and you know .. it's all I really want to do every single minute of my everyday. ..... ~

YOU DIDN'T LOVE HER. You just didn't want to be alone. Or maybe, maybe she was good for your ego. Or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life, but you didn't love her, because you don’t destroy the person that you love.

— Callie Torres, ‘The Heart of the Matter’ 

Right after the breakup....

Here I am alone in this empty room,
And let my mind just fly you to the end.
Thoughts of you still linger in my memory
Wondering why my life is not that fair.

I could still recall, those memories of you,
The joy and all your laughter,
The love that we've been through.
Oh I can't believe, you're gone...

I don't want to remember,
The things we used to do,
All the things that remind me of you.
I don't want to hear those songs,
Those songs we used to sing,
'Cause I don't wanna feel the pain in my heart

Talkin' to my self, for reasons I can't find.
Findin' out why everything went wrong.
Tears fallin' down on my cheeks,
That I've been tryin' to hold.
I just dunno if I could still go on.

I wanted you to stay,
The tears began to show,
You said you care for me,
But then you have to go
And now I know, you're gone.

I just can't believe, you're gone...


After a few months......

Each passing night
I try and close my eyes
But thoughts of you
They wake me up
And tear me inside out

Each passing night
I ask myself who's right
And try to find the reasons why
It had to end that night

Didn't we share each other's dreams
We held each other tight
Ang tears fell fromm my eyes
As you walked and left me here
Like the wind you passed me by
I try but I can't see
If it's something that I said
Baby please won't you tell me now
'Cause it gets harder each passing night

I often pray
That you'd come back and stay
We've had too much together
To ever live a part
I'll wait and see
'Cause I know and I believe
Someday you'll come to realize
What you and I can be

Then we'll share each other's dreams
We'll held each other tight
Kiss the tears that burn my eyes
'Cause you walked and left me here
Like the wind you passed me by
I try but I can't see
If it's something that I said
Baby, please won't you tell me now
'Cause it gets harder each passing night

I never meant to hurt your heart this way
Sooner or later
There'd be someone else who'd stay

 Now.......

Since you left me, I never really tried
To put my life to where it should belong
And I've always let the past gone by
I'm realizing that it could be wrong

But now I fin'lly knew
I had to let it go
To make way for a brighter tomorrow

So now I'm leavin' yesterday behind
And fin'lly I've made up my mind
So let the mem'ries stay away
And think about today
I'm leavin' yesterday behind
'Cause now I'll try to live my life once more
The way I did before

Since I know that I never will forget
The memories that made my yesterday
I will try not to let it interfere
The choices I will make along the way

'Cause I'm not livin' in a world of fantasy
I'm here now in the world of reality 

In any relationship, every time you lie you are moving one step closer to goodbye.

So, you lied because you're saying goodbye, and you thought it would be the best way?! now I know. thanks for all the lies.

HE will do something new today! AMEN! :) A blessed morning everyone!

I miss my books. I haven't read since the editing of our research paper started ... and it was like ... 2-3 weeks now?!?? But I promised myself that after my busy days, I will turn to my numerous books awaiting at my table. :) But well, it was a good thing though, because it's also 2-3 weeks since I last tried to stop myself from buying books. After our defense, I will probably go back to how my life started this year .... seeing myself in Booksale surrounded by soooooooo many books. Can't wait to check new arrivals soon. :) I am looking forward to buy that Confessions of a Shopaholic. I want and I must! ~~

Amen to that!

There are still times when I think about ... us... before. But you know what? I have noticed something .... the pain ... it seems vanishing. I don't know if I became numb or .. is this what they call "getting over"?! Well, I still don't want to conclude on that. I mean, here I am again, feeling like I'm moving on and then one situation, one incident, and I end up seeing myself torn apart again. I think I should just enjoy my life now. If memories came, then there's no reason for me to deprive myself of it. Anyway, good or bad memories about "us", it's still something I'd treasure forever in my heart. No room for bitterness for now. :) ♥

~~just chillin' a bit before our thesis defense a few hours from now. :) I'm nervous, I haven't reviewed and memorized everything (oh, well, I am not capable of memorizing though). Relaxing isn't a crime right? I still have all the chance to give myself at least a little break. I don't have to hug distress and worry now. It won't help. All I need to do is clear my mind, focus, pray, and believe that God is with us. It keeps all the fear away.  After an hour tomorrow, I would and I claim that I will be enjoying my summer vacation. :)

A couple of posts would do before I get back to work again. :) 

:D

Jennifer Lawrence

Liv Tyler

Johnny Depp

John Lennon

Rachel McAdams

Ryan Gosling

XD

I'd really want to learn to tie a necktie, but since HE does not wear one (because of his neck issues. hahaha), I never dared to try. I thought that I would be marrying him someday and I don't need to learn that. I still have this belief until now, and well, I guess I will never learn this, because I won't marry anyone. LOL. Just kidding. XD Someday, I'm gonna learn how to do this,. :) I want a husband who wear a necktie because I find it very sexy to untie it during intimate times, doesn't it?

Gagawa talaga ako ng thesis presentation eh. Kaso bigla kong nakita to sa newsfeed ng Facebook ko .... 

OMG. As in super heart crashed lang ang peg. LOL. Grabe. Ang ganda ng bati sakin ng umaga....

Syempre nung una ayoko pa basahin kasi mahaba tsaka alam ko naman na kung anong nilalaman. Pero ewan ... napabasa na rin ako .. siguro kasi .. alam ko na sa bawat salitang madadaanan ko .. mukha niya ang makikita ko. Hay. Mabuti na lang at di pa kami nagkikita. Tatlong buwan na... pero feeling ko tatlong taon. As in. Literal. Grabe. Buti nakakayanan ko to. Hay. Hanggang ngayon di ko pa rin kayang iiwas ang sarili ko sa bagay na alam ko namang nagdudulot ng sakit sa damdamin ko .... wala eh. Yung cause kasi nun yun din ang higit na dahilan ng kasiyahan ko. Wala na nga eh, ipagdadamot ko pa ba sa sarili ko ang mga natatanging natira sakin .. mga alaala?

So .. ayun. Hayaan niyong ibahagi ko ang aking mga naalala. Please pagbigyan na. Hahahaha

>>Yung taong laging nandiyan para sayo.

~Kaya ganun na lang kasakit sakin ang pagkawala niya sa buhay ko. Hindi simpleng lover ang tingin ko sa kanya eh. Siya ang kaibigan ko. Grabe. As in. Friend to the highest level. Di man ako ang best friend niya, para sa akin siya ang best friend ko. Nun lang naman nya ako nagawang iwan eh ... pero nung mga panahong magkasama kami ... lagi siyang nandiyan. Hindi hadlang ang distance para iparamdam niya sa akin na kasama ko siya sa bawat pangyayari sa buhay ko,....

>>Sasamahan ka kahit saan, kahit anong oras, kahit ano pang ginagawa niya, kahit wala siyang pera.

~Grabe. Totoong totoo lahat to. Kahit na minsan asar na asar ako kasi kahit saan ako magpunta lalo pag malayo gusto niya kasama siya, natutuwa pa rin ako in the end kasi grabe yung effort. Kung pwede lang pati sa public cr samahan niya ko gagawin niya eh. At ang pinakamemorable sa lahat? Yung sinasamahan niya ako sa mga lugar na gusto kong marating, kaya sa susunod na mapupunta ako sa mga lugar na yun sigurado siya ang maaalala ko. Kapag nalulungkot ako kahit tanghaling tapat makikipagkita siya masamahan lang ako sa lugar na malayo sa problema. Kahit na busy siya sa office work, mamadaliin niya at gagawin niya best niya para makapagpaalam siya na mag-out ng maaga at makipagkita sakin. Kahit wala kaming pera pareho. hahahaha. Masaya kami. Masaya ako. Masayang masaya....

>>Yung nasasabihan mo ng lahat ng bagay - Nagugutom ka, inaantok ka, natatae o nauutot ka man. 

~Isa pa to. Kaya hirap akong i-let go siya eh. Wala naman sakin yung pagiging lover niya. Minor na lang yun. Ang pinakamahalaga yung friendship at pinagsamahan naming dalawa. Grabe. Siya lang in my entire life ang nasabihan ko ng lahat-lahat .... ultimo baho ko sa katawan. Siya lang .. at wala ng iba pa akong balak pagsabihan. Dahil siya lang ang pinagkatiwalaan ko ng sobra. At naniniwala ako na hindi niya yun sisirain o nagawang sirain. Mahal na mahal ko siya. :'(

>>Pag magkasama kayo, para kayong mga baliw. Feeling niyo, kayo lang tao sa mundo.

~Pag magkasama kami, literal. Pakiramdam namin kami lang tao sa mundo. Wala kaming pakialam kung sinong nakatingin samin. Lalo na pag 'kissing scene' ... hay. Nakakamiss lang. Wala na akong ibang makita kundi siya lang. Kaya nga simula nung mas naging close kami, unti-unti ng nawala yung special talent ko na ma-sense ang isang tao kahit 1km away eh. Kasi wala na kong pakialam sa lahat. Siya lang gusto kong makita, marinig.... lahat.

>>Magkasama kayo sa lahat ng trip. 

~Ang nakakatuwa saming dalawa, pareho kami ng mga trip. Road trip, food trip (na favorite niya ... na ayaw ko.pero later on gusto ko na rin kaya ayun, tumaba ako)... Magkasundong magkasundo kami. Though hindi lahat katulad ng librong babasahin at music. Di kami pareho ... pero nagawa naman naming mag-adjust sa bawat isa. At yun ... isa yun sa mga bagay na sobrang na-appreciate ko sa kanya.

>>Pinauuna ka kapag sasakay ng jeep.

~Madalas pagtalunan namin to noong una. Lagi niya akong pinauuna sa pagsakay sa jeep, bus, tren, tricycle, pedicab. ... pero ayoko. Mas gusto ko ako ang nahuhuli lalo sa bus. Kasi siya ang gusto kong pumili ng uupuan namin (kahit na may favorite seat naman talaga kami). Later on, pumayag na rin siya na mauna, pero dapat lagi akong nakahawak sa kamay niya. Kahit nahihirapan siya, kahit magkadapa-dapa na kaming dalawa basta wag lang akong bibitaw. :) Hay ..... ga i miss you na. :'(

>>Yayakapin ka kapag siksikan sa tren.

~Isa lang to sa mga scenario kung saan feeling namin kami lang tao sa mundo. Sa totoo lang, akala ko sa pelikula ko lang makikita ang mga ganun. Di pala. Kasi sa salamin ng MRT nakita ko ang scene na to .. at ako .. kaming dalawa ang bida. Grabe!!!! Alam mo yun. May time pa nga na kahit may vacant seat na ayaw pa namin umupo kasi mas gusto naming tumayo ng magkayakap eh. Ansakit lang sa dibdib alalahanin. Grabe. Ito yung feeling na ayaw ko eh .. yung namimiss ko siya. Ang sakit. Wala kasi akong magawa para mawala tong nararamdaman ko ngayon. Hanggang ganito na lang ba ko ...???

>>Di baleng nakatayo siya basta ikaw nakaupo sa bus.

~Isang beses lang ata to nangyari ... actually parang di pa nga eh. Kasi pag nagkakaroon ng isang seat, pinauupo ko siya tapos ako kakandong sa kanya. Tapos nagwiwish kami na sana wala na munang vacant seat para ganun lang kaming dalawa. hahaha. 

>>Yung pipilitin niyang dalhin yung bag mo, tapos bibigay yung bag niya para palit kayo.

~Aaminin ko, hindi siya natural na gentleman. Mula pa nung una issue na saming dalawa yan. Lagi ko siyang inaasar at pikon na pikon siya pag sinasabi kong di siya gentleman. Pero hindi pilit yung mga pagkakataon na siya ang nagdadala ng bag ko. Naalala ko pa nga nung first time eh, nagkagalit pa kaming dalawa dahil gusto niyang dalhin ang bag ko. Eh dahil di ako sanay na ganun siya, di ako pumayag, ayun nag-agawan kami ng bag ko. hahaha. Pero di nagtagal wala na kong nagawa, kasi talagang binibitbit niya na ang bag ko. Yung bag niya naman isa o dalawang beses ko lang ata nabitbit. Dahil super bigat nun, ayaw na ayaw niya na dalhin ko yun. So yung isa o dalawang beses na yun pinilit ko lang siya nun ... at katakot-takot na pananakot at banta (hahahaha. exaggerated.) ang ginawa ko bago ko nakuha ang bag niya. 

>>Yung lalaking papayag na make-upan mo, matuwa ka lang.

~Dahil di pa naman ako nagme-make up nung panahong yun, nagtitiyaga kami sa lip balm. Gustong gusto niya ang lasa at amoy ng lip balm ko, kaya before kami magkiss lalagyan ko siya sa lips niya at pati sakin tapos uubusin namin sa mga labi namin yun. Ang saya lang.. at ang sarap. :)

>>Magsusuot ng ribbon matawa ka lang.

~Hindi ribbon, kundi headband. Laughtrip lang. Bagay na bagay sa kanya yung headband na napulot niya na binigay niya sa akin na nawala ko naman. tsk,.

>>Kekembot na parang bading ngumiti ka lang. 

~Naalala ko nung minsang pina-blower ko buhok ko sa kanya. Nagbading-badingan siya, ultimo boses at galaw ng katawan. Imbis na ngumiti ako, natakot ako sa kanya ng sobra halos maiyak na ko. Sabi ko wag niya ng uulitin. Simula nun di ko na siya inasar na bading. Nakakatakot. LOL

>>Sasayaw kayo kahit nasa kalye kase favorite mo yung tugtog.

~Ito lang ata ang di namin nagawa ... ang sumayaw ng sabay. Pero siya sumasayaw siya pag bigla niyang maririnig yung Moves Like Jagger at Gangnam Style. Hahahahaha. Natatawa na lang ako sa hiya eh. Ang madalas at lagi naming ginagawa ay ang kumanta sa kahit saan... kahit sa kalye pa yan, kahit walang tugtog. Lalo na pag narinig namin yung favorite naming mga kanta. 

>>Yayakapin ka kahit pawis na pawis ka at sasabihing ang bango bango mo.

~Minsan magkikita kaming dalawa. Late na ko dumating (as usual) at humahangos pa. So ayun haggard tapos pawis na pawis ako. Alam mo yung salubong niya.... yakap na mahigpit tapos tuwang tuwa siya, ang bango ko raw. Seriously?! hahhahaha. Nakakatawa lang grabe. Yung ako todo tulak sa kanya palayo pero siya walang bakas ng pandidiri sakin. Grabe lang. Grabe lang talaga.

>>Hahalikan ka ng madaming madami.

~Ayun pa. Idugtong na to dun sa una. Hahalikan pa ko kahit pawis na. Pero memorable din yung sa bus minsan, tuwang tuwa siyang halikan ang buong mukha ko .. grabe ang sarap lang. Isa ito sa favorite naming gawin. Kung kiss lang ang usapan, labis-labis, never nagkulang. 

>>Yung taong sasabihing maganda ka kahit kagigising mo lang.

~Yung tipong di pa ko nakakahilamos o toothbrush. Hahalikan niya ko tapos sasabihin niya na ang ganda ko raw. Hay. Bolero talaga. 

>>Yung taong tanggap lahat sayo.

~Nakaraan ko, hugis at dumi ng katawan ko, itsura ng mukha ko, ugali ko ... LAHAT. Kaya mahal na mahal ko siya eh. Kahit kelan di ako nakatanggap ng matinding judgement sa kanya na walang sense. Tinanggap niya ko kung sino ako.

>>Hindi kailangang romantic basta ang cool niyo. 

~Hindi rin siya natural na romantic, though tinatry niya ang best niya maging romantic. Romantic siya in his special ways. Higit sa lahat, he's the coolest guy I've ever met. At ang cool namin together, swear.

>>Kilala ka niya at alam kung anong gusto mo.

~Bukod kay God at sa pamilya ko, siya ang higit na nakakakilala sakin. Hindi lang ang talambuhay ko, kundi pati likes at dislikes ko. Grabe. Makikita mo yun sa kanya. Yung tipong dadalhin niya ako sa kainan na kasama sa menu ang paborito kong ulam. At alam na alam niya oorderin niya. Kaya minsan naiinis ako pag magtatanong pa siya eh alam niya naman. Nang-aasar lang siya. Alam niya kung san ako dadalhin, san ko gusto magpunta, san ko gusto kumain, anong gusto ko kainin, anong gusto kong gawin niya. Though syempre may mga time na di kami magkaintindihan. Pero alam nya lahat. 

>>Hindi siya magsasawang magpicture na magkasama kayo.

~Medyo mahilig din siya sa pictures. Marami kaming pictures sa email. Kahit mukang ewan lang. Hahhaha

>>Yung taong bago pa sabihin yung "iloveyou" naparamdam niya na ng todo.

~This is what I love most about him. His actions are more than his words. Naparamdam niya na, parang confirmation na lang yung words. I love it. I love everything about him, about us. :')

>>Siya yung kahit kanino mo iwan, alam mong faithful sayo.

~Dito lang ako di sigurado. Nung naghiwalay kami dun ako nag-doubt, though lagi naman niyang sinasabi na hindi. Hindi ko alam. Ayoko ng malaman pa.

>>Pag nahanap mo yun, swerte mo. Wag na wag mo nang pakawalan yun.

~I know. Napakaswerte ko. Sobra. Kaya di nasayang yung 2012 ko pati yung tatlong taon na naging bahagi siya ng buhay ko. Sobrang swerte ko na sa dami ng tao, sa layo ng agwat namin, sa layo ng distance namin, minahal niya ako. Ok na yun. Malaking achievement na yun. Sayang nga lang, sana kami na lang talaga. :'( 

~Hindi ko siya pinakawalan. Siya ang kumawala. :'( Kaya ito, hindi ko alam kung san ako tutungo. Hindi ko alam kung may iba pang pwedeng i-replace sa kanya. He's the best, and there's no better than best. Sayang kaming dalawa. We're almost perfect together. We're working out kaso ... sadyang pag di siguro para sayo, hindi talaga. .... :'(

Ayun, di ko na nagawa yung presentation. Di bale, nakapag-post naman ako sa blog. :) 
~~~~I love you ga, I miss you so much.