After a very long time, I stumbled again in this blog. 

I miss posting. It's been months since I've last visited and shared my thoughts in here. I became very busy the past few weeks ..... with someone. :)) And that hindered me in opening my account again. 

But now, I'm here. And well, that is what's important.

I admit that I am not feeling very well right now. It's sad but I only remember my blog whenever sadness tries to eat me up just like now. But I would not share about the lonely things. Since this is the first time after a long time I've posted again, I would post something that caught my interest tonight.

Just as I was surfing the internet, I happen to open a page about Yoko Ono's 'art'. I'm sorry if I will not be able to elaborate it, but the thing is, Yoko Ono's photo which shows her old age caught me.I wasn't really interested though, for I didn't really know who she is. All I have in mind is that she's the second wife of John Lennon, a great musical icon. Am I right? Well, that's what my Beatle-fanatic-friend told me. :)

SO I searched for her name and have a glimpsed of her photos. She's not that beautiful in my eyes, but when I looked at her pictures, I realized her beauty lies behind. She's pretty in her own way. 

Next, I decided to search for her pictures with John Lennon, and that was what strikes me tonight. 

I didn't know what's with it, but when I saw their pictures together, I felt electricity inside. I love looking at them. They seem to be very happy together. I am not really fond of taking a look at a couple's photo, but theirs is different. I felt the love that lies in each one of them. I may sound funny right now, but I fell in love with both of them. hahaha! I mean, I like seeing their photos. I can't explain it, it's just true and amazing. That's when I felt that they really loved each other. I don't often feel this way, really.

They are good couple to look at. I may not know them but I like them together. I felt like I want to be Yoko Ono and I want to have my John Lennon. :)) 

Oh well, I wish I could find a love like that. Sincere, Realistic and True. 

I LOVE HIM, SO MUCH IT HURTS .........

Relationships fall and whither because eventually someone stops trying and it doesn't feel the same. The first couple of months or even years it may be the best thing you ever wished for, but eventually someone loses feelings, gets to busy, or doesn't even bother to try. You know why? Because they're comfortable. The beginning is all about the chase. Can you keep up? If you can then you'll get the hang of it and then you won’t want to try anymore. You aren't afraid to lose them because they're yours. Arguing leads to fighting and it just gets worse from there. It all flashes by so fast. So, cherish what you have.

So far so good naman ang aking buhay. Isang buwan at kalahati na akong di nakakaranas ng matinding depresyon. Umiyak man ako nitong nakaraang mga araw pero hindi na lumagpas pa ng 2 araw. Hindi rin sumagi sa aking isip na maglaslas o ano pa man. Magaan ang aking pakiramdam, hindi tulad noon na parang araw araw akong may problema. 

Siguro kasi ngayon natutunan kong mas i-appreciate ang mga magagandang bagay na nangyayari sa buhay ko. At ang pinakamahalaga ko pang natutunan ngayon ay ang wag pansinin ang mga taong naninira at gumugulo (sa di magandang paraan) sa buhay ko. Alam mo yun. Ang sarap ng feeling na malaya ka sa galit at poot. Na paggising mo sa umaga, magdadasal ka hindi dahil sasabihin mo kay Lord na natatakot kang harapin ang panibagong araw ng buhay kundi dahil magpapasalamat ka sa bagong pagkakataon para lumigaya at sumamba sa kanya. Na papasok ako sa paaralan ng di kinakabahan at naiinis sa mga taong nakikita ko, bagkus, excited pa kong makipagkwentuhan sa kanila at nakangiti akong papasok sa aming classroom. Na sa loob ng room eh hindi ako nakakaranas ng matinding pagod at hindi yung para akong may sakit. Yung lalabas ako ng paaralan na masaya at may ngiti sa labi. Na uuwi akong hindi pagod. Na may pagkakataon pa akong makipag-usap sa pamilya ko. Na di ako nagmamadaling gawin ang mga bagay dahil alam kong may sapat akong oras para gawin ang lahat ng yun .. di ako pressured. Na matutulog ako sa gabi, magdadasal na hindi puro hinanakit at sama ng loob ang isi-share ko kay God kundi kung gaano ako ka-thankful dahil binless niya ako ng sobra. Na sa pagpikit ng mata ko, walang mabigat sa dibdib ko kaya diretso ang tulog ko. 

Alam mo yun? Ang sarap ng pakiramdam na maging positibo sa buhay. Hindi ko naman sinasabing talagang laging positive ako. Sabi ko nga, ngayon ko pa lang ito natutunan at natututunan. May mga pagkakataon pa rin na nagiging nega ako, pero normal na bahagi naman yun ng buhay. Kasi kung overly positive naman hindi na rin maganda. Tsaka, hindi ko naman sinasabing wala na kong mga problema. May mga pagkakataon pa ring parang pagod na pagod na ko, na anlungkot ko, na ansama ng loob ko, na galit ako ... pero mas nami-minimize na yung mga ganung scenario ngayon. At kung magkaganun man, hindi na bayolente ang mga reaksyon ko.

HINDI NA GANITO NGAYON. :)))))

Ito ang nagagawa siguro ng may inspirasyon (naks naman! ako na talaga) at may masayang pamilya. Epekto din ito ng di pagpansin sa mga bagay na hindi naman makakatulong sakin para mag-grow. Basta ito lang masasabi ko. Ang sarap mabuhay. Kung noon gusto ko ng mamatay, ngayon ... hindi naman ako natatakot mamatay pero mas ok pa rin ang extended ka ... mas marami pang magagawa at pwedeng maranasan. :)))

The first to apologize is the bravest. 
The first to forgive is the strongest. 
The first to forget is the happiest.

When we feel being poisoned by stress, pressure, pain and failures: the best ANTIDOTE is to PRAY. Nothing more, nothing less...:)

Whatever the situation may be.. Don't ever be cold to someone you care about.. Indifference and unanswerable questions hurts more... than angry words...

So me! LOL

Jesus and Satan competed on the
computer.
They started typing. They did reports, e-mails,
attachment s and downloads.
But before the time was up,
Brownout came!
Satan cursed.
Jesus sighed.
When electricit y was back,
Satan lost everything he had
done.
But Jesus started
printing all His files.
Satan shouted:
YOU CHEATED!
Jesus just smile. because He did what Satan
didn't know.
HE SAVES. :)

I love my relationship with my BED. No commitment needed. We just sleep together EVERY NIGHT. ♥

All Has Its Purpose

Me: God, can I ask You a question?

God: Sure

Me: Promise You won't get mad

God: I promise

Me: Why did You let so much stuff happen to me today?

God: What do u mean?

Me: Well, I woke up late

God: Yes

Me: My car took forever to start

God: Okay

Me: at lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I had to wait

God: Huummm

Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call

God: All right

Me: And on top of it all off, when I got home ~I just want to soak my feet in my new foot massager & relax. BUT it wouldn't work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did You do that?

God: Let me see, the death angel was at your bed this morning & I had to send one

of My Angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that

Me (humbled): OH

GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road.

Me: (ashamed)

God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick & I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work.

Me (embarrassed):Okay

God: Your phone went dead bcuz the person that was calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered.

Me (softly): I see God

God: Oh and that foot massager, it had a shortage that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark.

Me: I'm Sorry God

God: Don't be sorry, just learn to Trust Me.... in All things , the Good & the bad.

Me: I will trust You.

God: And don't doubt that My plan for your day is Always Better than your plan.

Me: I won't God. And let me just tell you God, Thank You for Everything today.

God: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I Love looking after My Children.

-------------------------

I remembered last week, I was a bit upset when a friend of mine wasn't able to meet up with me as we have planned. In a text message, he said that, "All has it's purpose". I absolutely agree with this, but that time, I thought he was just using those words to calm me down. But then, as I have read the above conversation a while ago, I realized that God is really good. That He has wonderful plans for us. We may have planned a lot of things which for us are the best things but then, God has a lot more sensible aims for us. 

SINGLE ♥

What's wrong with being single? 

Valentine's Day is fast approaching. From the time February 1 appeared from the calendar, I have read a lot of posts in Facebook, tons of text messages and undying chitchats about the said event. And what's the common denominator of them all? It's the "I'm single in the heart's day" topic.

I wonder why there are a lot of single bitter people around. Why can't they (ahem, can I exclude myself? But I admit that I am one of those. LOL) just pick up someone like them and be partners. That way, no one will be lonely, especially on Valentine's Day. Well, how I wish it's that easy. But that's the magic of love. Even if there are many available guys around, your heart just beats for a special someone.

If everyone has their special ones in their hearts, why is it that they're still not happy? It's because loving someone doesn't mean having them with you. Most of the people nowadays experiences the so-called M.U or Mag-isang Umiibig (unrequited love). Of all the bitter I've known personally, this have been the reason behind their grief. So for those who have their loved ones sticking around them, you're fortunate. Don't take them for granted. It's not usual these days that your love loves you back, and you have them. 

So back to the question, what's wrong with being single .. yeah, what's so wrong about that? What has it that makes people so bitter as the Heart's Day is coming? 

Valentines day is not just for lovers, it's for everyone who knows how to love -- God, their family, friends and even themselves. You don't have to worry about not having a date because it's not the essence of it. If we only knew what Valentine's is all about, then no one would bother kill himself for not having someone with him on that big deal day.

Besides, whether it's Valentine's Day or not, being single isn't and will never be a crime. Actually, you're fortunate if you're one. If you're single, you are free to do anything you want to do. Your schedule is not limited to the person obsessed  to you. Also, you have no commitment with anyone else, which means that you could flirt not just to only one but with anyone, without someone who hinders you to do so. Another important thing, being single saves a lot of money. I swear, this is so true (from my own personal experience). But then, being single doesn't guarantee being away from hurt.

The bottom line is, not being in a relationship doesn't make you look poor and pathetic. It's all in the mind. If you pity yourself for it, feeling bad is your fault. It doesn't have to be a big deal because someday, somehow, you'd surely find the one that God has perfectly planned for you. Someone who would treat you good and would have a date with you not just during Valentine's Day, but .. every single day. :))))

I'd love to be kissed in a library. ♥

ALWAYS.

My true Valentine -- LORD. :))

Mga inspiring words lang naman ni Mama today. :)))

"Kung mai-inlove ka, dun sa lalaking alam mong ikaw lang ..."

"Wag dun sa may sabit .. "

I love you for who you are. ♥

Pa-humble e.

true ♥

Iniisip mo ba ko hanggang sa pagtulog mo? :))))))

It took me a lot of time and courage to wait for someone like you. Now that I have you as my friend, I assure you that leaving you will never be a choice in my life. It would be impossible to forget you, for everything around me reminds me of you. I hope, you won't forget me too. :) Thank God I found you!

 

 

that's why I like you . .. :)

Eh, kayo na sweet.

babush na January! Bilis ng panahon! Feb nanaman! Kaya pala takaw sa status nanaman ang mga single at bigo sa FB .. at ang mga taken naman nagtitipid na .. buwan nanaman kasi ng mga puso. Ako? As usual alone. hahahaha! walang ka-date! Lagi naman e! LOL!

Ayoko na nga. bitterness nanaman aketch this month. awkie lang ... maiksi lang naman ang buwan na ito .. nadagdagan nga lang ng isang araw (leap year ngayon, may 29. tsk) pero carry naman. 29 days?! wala yun! tapos isang araw lang naman ang Feb. 14. makaka survive to! hahahaha!

Sana naman next year .. may ka-date na ko. ahay .........................

Ok, wala talaga akong panama.

.... at siya'y maganda (sa mata niya, yun pa naman ang mahalaga)

.... siya'y matalino (eto pa lang taob na ko)

....at dahil matalino siya, siya'y may kwenta kausap

....siya'y masipag

....siya'y mabait, sobra

....siya'y maalaga

....siya'y masarap magluto (malamang)

....siya'y magaling sa (alam mo na)

....siya'y malaki sa lahat (hay .......................................................................)

....siya'y talentado (pareho pa sila. nebenemenyen)

HIGIT SA LAHAT .......................

....siya'y MAHAL NIYA.

FRIEND.friend.FRIEND.friend

When Someone walks for miles to see you,

When Someone says sorry even though he didn't do anything wrong,

When Someone cries because he still love/misses you,

When Someone still tries to get you back no matter how much you ignore,

When no matter how much you hurt him, he still loves you,

When Someone stops an argument with you to save the relationship,

When Someone continuously makes you feel special and tries to make you happy,

When Someone wants to leave you because of your rude behavior but is not able to do....

....he loves you more than anything..

Don't let him go because you may never find someone like him ever again....

He may be a very special God's gift to you...

So reserve him...and make him also feel special to you.

a guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other...

Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe..

.

.

.

Forever.

When will I meet the man who would do this for me?! wew!

I want a man who would not think twice of shouting to the whole world how much he loved me.

I dream of a man who would willingly face my parents no matter how much I try to stop him.

I fantasize about a man whom I could kiss, hug and hold hands with in public places, without thinking about whoever will catch us doing it.

I am praying for a man who would sincerely tell me he loves me, not because he has to, he just wants to and he likes to .. but because he really felt this only with me. No buts.

So we ignore each other, and pretend the other doesn't exist, but deep down, we both know it wasn't supposed to end like this.

Eto lang naman ako sa Valentines o.

Yes, it does. It even KILLS.

I was so desperately in love with you, that even though those things are beyond my moral beliefs, I did because of you.

kaya mahal kita e, kahit pangit ako, mabaho, pandak, mataba, maitim, boba, walang kwenta ... lahat na ... naaatim mo pa ring sabihin sa akin na mahal mo ko .. alam kong natural ka lang bolero, pero hindi pa rin madali yung ginagawa mo a. kahit na ang batikang bolero ay nasusuka pag ako ang kaharap. 

mahal kita, kahit ganyan ka, ganito ako, at ganito tayo. masaya ako dahil naranasan kita sa buhay ko. sabihin man nilang tanga ako dahil mahal pa rin kita, ayos lang. mahal kita e.

CELLPHONE

...yung bagay na kahapon parang ayaw ko ng bitawan

....ngayon, ni ayaw ko man lang tignan.

Ansakit, para kong tino-torture minu-minuto. 

Mas ok pa maglaslas e. 

Nakakaloka talaga.

I'm feelin' it right now. I'm afraid. I don't know what he might tell me the next time we'd talk, I don't even know if we'll ever converse again. If ever we'll have the time to speak again, I don't want to hear anything about it. I just want him to tell me if we'd still be the same or not. But actually, it kills me. I'm really anxious about what he would utter. 

But most of all, I am horrified about the truth that he might tell me it's all over. I swear it would tear off my soul. I just wish I could bear it all.

I should ready myself for hearing the worst words. I must learn now to swallow everything, even the fact that he might not talk to me anymore. Any of the two things - being ignored or being told that it's over - would surely hurt me.

24 hours na walang paramdam. Nakakaloka lang. Hay... 

Ano na kayang nangyari? 

Magtetext pa kaya siya?

Tatawag?

Magkikita pa kaya kami?

Kung magkita kami, papansinin niya pa rin ba ako?

O sasabihin niya na bang tapos na ang lahat?

Iiwan niya na ba ako?

Mawawala na ba siya?

Binura niya na ata ang number ko.

Nakakaloka talaga. 

Sana inayos ko na yung 'i love you' ko sa kanya kahapon .. yun na ata ang huli. 

At sana, in-accept ko na lang yung 'lab u' niya ng maayos .. kasi mukhang yun na ang huli.

What a guy wants ...

I want you to let me play with my/your hair.
I want you to accept my compliments.
I want you to listen to me sometimes.
I want you to smile for me.. (guys love their girls smile)
I want you to hold my hand unexpectedly.
I want you to tell me silly jokes and pick up lines.
I want you to watch Pixar/Disney movies with me.
I want you to try to play video games with me.
I want you to tell me silly stories.
I want you to sing and dance randomly with me.
I want to take pictures and make couple videos with you. (even though guys may not show it, we enjoy taking pictures and making videos)
I want you to not make fun of my little imperfections. (sometimes it gets to us)
I want you to kiss me.
I want you to bite my lip occasionally. (I cant speak for all guys, but damn it feels good)
I want you to tell me you love me.
I want you to tell me you missed me when we finally get together.
I want you to accept me for who I am.
I want you to love me unconditionally.
I just want to spend time with you.
I need you to know that I love you so much..

What a girl wants ....

I want you to hug me from behind, unexpectedly.
I want you to give me your hoodie when I`m cold.
I want you to hold me and keep me warm.
I want you to cuddle with me and watch movies together.
I want you to kiss me in the rain.
I want you to hold my hands and play with my fingers.
I want you to play with my hair.
I want you to take amazing photos with me.
I want you to come to my house and meet my family.
I want you to lay on my bed with me and just hold me.
I want you to let me dress you up and make you look silly.
I want you to watch sunrise with me.
I want you to give me piggy back rides daily.
I want you to kiss my nose.
I want you to wipe my tears away.
I want you to tell me that you miss me already even if we were together five minutes ago.
I want you to drop everything and hug me tight.
I want you to take me on a picnic.
I want you to snuggle with me in the movie theaters.
I want you to squeeze me as hard as you can when you hug me.
I want you to smile every single time you see me.
I want you to know how much I love you.
I just want you.

Everything happens for a reason. Every action has a reaction. Always remember that what's meant to be will always find a way to come about.

Excuse me, please. I'm dreaming.

NO.

Please stop loving each other when you're already dead. Give chance to others. LOL. hahahaha!

LADIES,

There's always a girl who's prettier than you, but you've just got to find that ONE GUY who doesn't care.....

Family Day!

Nung Sabado, nagpunta kami sa Quiapo. Si Papa, Mama, Sam, Ako at si Jeff. Nakakatuwa kasi hindi ko akalaing bonding day namin yun. Nalaman ko lang din yun nung Friday sa kapatid ko. 

Bale dalawang oras ang biyahe namin mula sa amin mismo hanggang Quiapo. Mabuti at may natsempuhan kaming bus na diretso. Dumating kami doon quarter to 7 na. Sa overpass, wow ... andaming nagtitinda ng ... mga laruang pang matanda. 

Mabuti na lang naabutan namin ang susunod na misa. Sakto lang ang dating namin. Medyo nakakaantok pero ayos naman. Maliit lang pala ang Quiapo church, malaki pa yung sa Baclaran. Pero pag sa TV parang anlawak. After mass, nagbubuhos ng holy water ang mga laymen. Nagbubuhos talaga ang term e no .. haha. Pano kasi andami .. as in basang basa ka. May mga nakasabay kaming magsimba na sobrang tatangkad na mga lalaki .. mga manlalaro ng FEU. Mukhang may laban kaya nagsimba .. isang team sila e. Pagkatapos ng misa, nagpunta kami sa likod para sa "pahalik". 

Matapos naming mahipo ang lahat ng santo sa likod, naglakad na kami .. malapit lang naman. Nagpa-duplicate ng susi si Papa para samin ni Sam. Tapos sumakay na kami ng jeep papuntang Luneta. Kanya-kanyang bayad nga pala kami sa pamasahe. Muntik pa nga akong di sasama sana, kasi naisip ko kung sasama ako mauubos pera ko. hahaha! Kuripot e no. Pero awa ni Lord di naman. 

So, sa Luneta. Nagbago na nga ang luneta, nun na lang ako ulit nakapunta dun. Mas maganda sana dun kapag gabi. Tinignan namin ang mapa ng Pinas, tapos dumiretso kami sa Children's Playground. Doon kami kumain ng baon naming Spaghetti at binili nilang chocolate ice cream. Grabe, sira ang diet ko! hahahaha!  

Medyo naiinis lang ako kina Kuya kasi wala sila. Kahit yung anak lang sana nila. Ganun sila, madamot. Naisip ko nga e, pag nagka-anak ako, lagi kong dadalhin kina Papa at Mama. Nakikita ko kasi kung gaano sila kasaya pag kasama nila ang apo nila. Pero naman, kailan pa ko magkakaanak diba. Matagal pa. Siguro ang pinakamaganda ko na lang na magagawa para sa kanila ngayon ay ang mag-aral ng mabuti at makapagtapos. 

Ikot-ikot, picture-picture. Ayun lang tapos umalis na rin kami ng mga bandang 10:30am. Nag-LRT kami hanggang Baclaran tapos dun na ko humiwalay sa kanila. Nung time nga na maghihiwalay na, parang ayoko pa. Kasi .. wala. Bihira lang kasi yung mga ganung pagkakataon, yung makakasama ko sila Mama at Papa ng hindi sila nagmamadali. Pero kasi pagod na rin sila at isa pa may gagawin pa ko nung panahon na yun. Naisip ko nga bigla nun, parang di ko pa kayang mag-asawa. Kasi hindi ko yata kayang mawalay kina Mama at Papa. Pero naisip ko rin na ganun talaga ang realidad ng buhay .. na may kailangan kang iwan para sa ibang bagay na mahalaga din naman. Na kahit ayaw mo, kailangan mong putulin ang oras ng masasaya mong sandali sa kanila para naman sa masayang pagkakataon sa iba.  Na darating din talaga ang panahon na iiwan mo sila. hay. Pero matagal pa naman yun. Baka nga di na ko makapag-asawa nito. hahaha!

Ayun, masayang masaya ako noong araw na iyon. Gusto ko siyang maulit. Kailangan kaya ulit?? Hay ....

Nakakabingi ang katahimikan. Muli, ako nanaman mag isa dito sa bahay. Mas ok pa kanina na nasa school ako, at least nababaling ang atensyon ko sa ibang bagay. Nakakalimot ako. Sana pala di na muna ako umuwi. Sabi ko na nga ba, ito nanaman ang kahihinatnan ko rito. Andami kong naiisip na kung pwede lang sana di na lang. Nasasaktan ako. Naiiyak ako. Kung pwede lang i-reformat ang utak e. Hay. Itulog ko na lang kaya to? Kaso kailangan kong matapos mag burn ng mga kanta. Magsa-soundtrip na lang ako para at least yung utak ko okupado, yun bang wala akong maiisip kundi lyrics ng kanta. Kasi pag tahimik, bumabalik ako sa realidad. Ayoko. Ayoko na.

choose to be happy ~

        I'm finally ok. After crying for a couple of hours, I've now recovered. I just wish that the moment I turn off my computer, I won't think about it anymore. Silence without anything that could steal my mind kills me. It flashes all the things that happened, and may also show a sneak peek of what might happen after. Right now, I fear tomorrow. I don't know how would I deal with anything I would see, hear and feel. I just pray that when I woke up, everything will be ok. I don't want to be hurt anymore. I want to start my day refreshed, without worries. But of course, what do I expect? Even if I try to run away from it, I'll end up meeting pain at the middle of the line. Well, that's life. I still believe that after crossing the hump, I will surely be at the long, straight way again where at the end of it, I'll be meeting the happiness I've long been searching for. 

          I really pray that tomorrow will be ok. If I could only forget this day, I will.

Good things will happen if you have faith and believe with all your heart. It may take time but it will happen.

--------------------

Is praying about having you someday a good thing? I guess, even if I have enough faith and have believed with all my heart, it will never ever happen. Yes, they say that all things are possible, but I still believe with exceptions. I know God would tell me that there is a better one prepared for me, but I still want you. It's only you. Is it too much if I ask you to be mine?

You know what, she's fortunate. She'd already experienced more than the feeling of winning the lottery. Having you is all I ever wanted, and she had it already. She had my life. That's how lucky she is. 

 She's perfectly matched with you. You get along so well, you look good together. Most of all, she's the one that you need. She could provide your demands. She takes care of you more than anyone else could. She had offered her life to you, which makes you really blessed. A person like me could never replace her. Her goodness and unconditional love for you makes her different and above everyone else. 

So, even if I want to, I can't say I must be the one for you. Oh well, at the end, my condition right now is all my fault. I have allowed myself to fall for you, even though I know I could have stopped myself in the first place. I'm hurt, not because of you, it's because of me.

I have permitted myself to be drowned even if I know how to swim... it's because deep in my heart, I was hoping that you'll rescue me. Yes, you did actually. You jumped in the water, grabbed my hand and waist and lifted me up. But it's not you who have given me the CPR, it's not your breath that would bring back my life. I'll just have to wait for that one guy who would come swiftly to lock his mouth unto mine, and tell me that I don't deserve all the hurt that I'm feelin' right now.